


A Certain Slant of Light

by DollFinChick



Series: A Certain Slant of Light [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Betaed, Canon - Book, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Minor Kíli/Tauriel, Modern Girl in Middle Earth, OC centric, Original Character(s), Research, Slow Build, Slow Burn, dwarves are awesome, gandalf is a bit of a jerk though, ofc centric, so are hobbits, so much research like oh my god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 72,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollFinChick/pseuds/DollFinChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yesterday ending up in a new place in the time it took to turn around was impossible. The evidence before her eyes now made it improbable, but not impossible, because it happened to her. 'Sure, why not Gandalf' she thought hysterically. Why not after she seemingly magically ended up here?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Into the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do enjoy girl-falls-into-Middle Earth stories, and those that end up on the quest too, well written ones anyway, but most are horribly butchered or rely too heavily on the movies for my taste. And many use the same cliches that drive me nuts. Since I couldn't find one to suit my tastes I thought why not try and write one?
> 
> Special thanks: to Kaladelia Undomiel for beta-reading this chapter and story! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit, I only borrow ideas from it for fun and the amusement of others. May JRRT forgive me.

" **Into the woods,**

**It's time to go,**

**I hate to leave,**

**I have to, though.**

**Into the woods-**

**It's time, and so**

**I must begin my journey."**

" **Into the woods**

**And down the dell,**

**The path is straight,**

**I know it well.**

**Into the woods,**

**And who can tell**

**What's waiting on the journey?"**

**-Stephen Sondheim,** _**Into the Woods** _

* * *

**Chapter One: Into the Woods**

Gandalf blew another ring of smoke out from his pipe and watched it float through the air. It twisted and wobbled and soon lost its' form. It dissipated from sight in the larger cloud of smoke lingering in the beams of the tavern. A tankard of ale was untouched by his elbow, and a plate of half-eaten food was pushed to the side. He brooded over them; his great wiry eyebrows furrowed as he muttered to himself and took another draw on his pipe. The tavern wenches and other folk gave his table a wide berth, with their eyes wary and suspicious, which he was thankful for. He was in no mood to suffer fools.

He was brooding over a multitude of things; not least among them was the proposed undertaking to liberate Erebor from a fire-breathing dragon. Not long ago he had met Thorin Oakenshield as the dwarf traveled to find companions to follow him to Erebor. Gandalf doubted it would come to much fruition. Erebor wasn't going to be easy to re-take, which is why he had counseled against an army and for a smaller company; one that could slip in easily and quietly reclaim the jewel that would give him the political means to call upon more of his kin for aid.

He had given his word to find the last two members of the company. He knew who the first member of the company was to be, even if the person did not know yet. His talk with Holman Greenhand about Belladonna Took's son had easily reassured him of the Hobbit's suitability. A little nudge and he'd be out the door. However, he still had to locate the other.

They would have need of a burglar to rob the Arkenstone from the mountain and from underneath the dragon's nose. He suspected, despite all claims, that the dragon was alive and well. It would do not to forget the desolation of Smaug. A Hobbit was ideal for that job. He was rather fond of the small, shy folk, and knew how underestimated they were by all the other races of Middle Earth.

As for the second member, he had hoped to engage a healer or someone with some talent for simple magic, but all those he once knew were nowhere to be found, having quietly faded from myth and legend. His second thought was for someone with a touch of foresight, but no elf would be welcome among the dwarves and he would be hard pressed to find another to be trusted among men at this late date. The meeting was just two weeks hence.

Time was growing short, and there were many other things that troubled him, which he needed to look in to. Too many had dismissed the growing darkness to the north and east of where he sat in Bree. He also feared for the line of Durin, there were too many coincidences stacking up for him to ignore. Whether Thorin's kin were to blame, or a darker power, he knew not. However he did not wish to see the end of the line of Durin. He watched the embers in the pipe glow as he set it down to the side for a drink of ale.

There was one thing he might do. Though there was no guarantee it would work. He did not wish to draw too much attention to his actions, though he knew the other members of the council would be busy with their own affairs.

His preparations would have to be swift, and he would have to be vaguer than he wished for the spell to work. Specific magic was a tricky thing, but what he had in mind was simple enough in theory.

With his mind made up, he paid for his drink and meal and left.

* * *

Holly checked her phone again to see if her mother had texted her about leaving home yet. She usually sent her a text when she left to let Holly know how long she had to wait. Unfortunately, her mother hadn't sent her anything. Which meant she was in for a half hour wait at the least. Her patience with her mother's propensity to be late was wearing thin. It was irritating on the best of days, but on a freezing day in December when she was caught in the cold and hauling a good amount of things home for the holidays from University it was beyond belief.

She huffed, and hauled her overstuffed backpack, laundry bag, and suitcase over to the lone bench set near the small stand of trees next to the tracks. It wasn't a large station, it had no inside area to wait, nor a large parking lot. It was already late, and she felt nervous being out alone with all her things. The flickering streetlight didn't help either.

She sat down on the bench, holding her arms tighter around herself and burrowing her nose in the scarf wrapped about her head. But as anyone who has ever had to sit still on a winter night knows, it brought little relief. The wind managed to dig itself through her gloves, bite her cheeks, and numb her toes more thoroughly than if she'd just dipped them in glacier water.

She rose to her feet again, stamping to get some feeling back when she heard a rustle in the trees behind her. A dark shape suddenly swooped before her, startling a yell from her, before she realized it was simply a bird.

Feeling stupid, she resettled her backpack on her shoulders and shivered as another gust of wind blasted her face and numbed her cheeks. "Oh, hello." she said, blinking at the creature now perched on the bench and blinking its' beady eyes at her. "I suppose you think I have food, huh?" she asked it, and the bird seemed to bob its' head in agreement, making her giggle.

She thought for a moment, and then dug out the wrapper of a bag of chips she'd had in her pocket. There wasn't much more than a few crumbs left, but she dumped them on the bench all the same and threw the wrapper in a nearby trash can.

The bird fell upon the crumbs, pecking them up, but still keeping an eye on her as if it expected her to steal its' meal back. She was curiously looking the bird over, thinking it looked a little off for a crow, when a crunch in the trees made her jump and the bird to take off in to the trees, the darkness of the branches quickly swallowing up any sight of it she had.

It sounded a bit too loud and close for comfort. There were bears in the area, small black bears true, but bears all the same. She didn't want one to mistake her for a meal. A shiver ran down her back and she stepped past the bench and onto the frozen grass to get a better look, staying within the circle of light cast by the lamp.

She peered in to the trees and saw the vague outline of a deer and smiled at her silliness. She took another step, and then another, leaving her suitcase by the tree line, watching the animal bend gracefully to snuff at the ground, it didn't seem to notice her so she shuffled a bit closer, moving slowly. She started to reach for her phone to take a picture, still holding on to her laundry bag and trying not to make much noise when suddenly the street light behind her went out.

The deer jerked its' head up and bolted. It jumped right past her, so close she could have touched its' side if she had had the presence of mind to do so. Instead it knocked her off balance and sent her crashing to her knees, her hands smacking and sliding painfully against the ground and sending her laundry bag tumbling a few feet away, but still attached to her hands by the drawstring cord she'd wrapped around her wrist.

"Stupid deer," she muttered, brushing her smarting hands off on her jeans, rubbing her fingers over the welt made by the drawstring, and climbing back to her feet again. She turned to the side to collect her laundry bag and then spun around, fully intending to sit back on the bench and not move until her mother finally got there, despite how cold it was.

Only...there wasn't a bench there anymore.

She blinked.

Or a train station.

The next thing that registered was that there wasn't a cold wind attacking her still cool face, or indeed, frost on the ground beneath her feet.

She turned around, looking back at the trees, which looked quite a bit different from the ones next to the train station. She turned around to look again, and saw nothing but darkness settling over rolling hills and grass, and thousands of stars lighting up the sky. Nowhere in her life had she seen so many stars. She whipped her head between the trees, the hills, and the sky several more times before she took a hesitant step forward and touched one of the trees.

Feeling the bark beneath her hands, very real, and not cold to the touch, made her start to hyperventilate. She ripped a leaf from a branch and stared at it until. It was green, a color it shouldn't have been at this time of year unless it was an evergreen, which it certainly was not. Holly let the leaf fall from her fingers and then stooped to touch the ground. It was soft and damp, and not at all cold.

The stars, something was wrong with the stars. She looked harder and realized she recognized nothing. No constellations. She wasn't an expert, but she'd taken a class on astronomy, and gotten an A in it, last summer. That wasn't good. She could hear her Professor's voice explaining in his funny Italian accent how stars could be used to tell when and where you were. She should recognize something; because if she couldn't...if she couldn't...that meant...

She looked a few more times between all the evidence before her eyes and felt herself getting lightheaded. She promptly sat down, her mind spinning (from the implications as well as from nearly giving herself whiplash from turning around and around) and placed her head between her knees. A whimpering noise startled her before she realized it was coming from her.

"Fuck." She swore, and took a deep shuddering breath. Her stomach churned unpleasantly and she scrabbled for the half full water bottle in the side pocket of her backpack. The metal was freezing, and the condensation made her hand slide on it. The cold water left an icy trail through her body and she shivered.

She felt cold and hot all at once, and immediately loosened her scarf, and practically tore her winter clothes away from her body. Then she lay down, curled up in a ball, hugged her laundry bag, and cried.

"Oh god, I'm insane," she choked out, sobs wracking her body and causing her to shudder.

"Insane, insane, insane, insane. INSANE! Insane! Insane insane insane..."

She muttered to herself, rocking slightly back and forth. Every once in awhile she'd look up, only to feel dizzy and tuck her head back under the hood of her jacket and squeeze her laundry bag tighter.

There is only so much freaking out one can do before it grows too wearying to continue, and Holly was more practical than most. Soon she was hesitantly sitting up, wiping her eyes and digging in her backpack for tissues to blow her stuffed nose.

It then occurred to her to check her cell phone. She fumbled it out from her pocket, but was unable to find a signal. She put it on airplane mode, resolving to try and save the battery and try later. It was very dark now, what little light there was had faded, and she wasn't sure she could see well enough to go anywhere.

As much as it was terrifying to be in an unknown place without any inkling of how she'd gotten there in the first place, it was more terrifying to think of spending the night outside, alone, in an unfamiliar place.

She'd been camping before, and she liked it, but she'd never spent a night in anything other than a tent outside. The thought of bears again assaulted her and made her heart beat fast.

She curled tighter against the tree, and took her backpack off and placed it to one side. It had too many books and things to be of any use as a pillow. Her laundry bag with all her clean clothes was more suited, and the ground didn't seem to have too many twigs or anything, as she carefully brushed her hands along the ground. They smarted a bit from when she'd hurt them earlier, but she ignored that in favor of laying her winter coat on the ground. She was still wearing a hoodie beneath and that she pulled up the hood of and curled up to try and sleep.

* * *

It wasn't an easy night. Though it was warmer here than back home, there was still a bit of a chill in the air and the unfamiliar sounds of the outdoors had her twitching at every somewhat louder sound. She tossed and turned uneasily, even when she did slip in to sleep. She cried again in the middle of the night, and shouted angrily at whoever landed her here, before uneasily going silent again.

When light came, she woke instantly. She wasn't an early riser by any means, but she could never sleep when there was light. She was stiff, sore, and hungry as she stretched her back and got the kinks out of her neck.

An immediate chill gripped her that had nothing to do with the weather as she looked around her. The surroundings were the same, and she knew she was stupid if she thought she was dreaming. Her mind grappled with the impossibility of what happened to her. People didn't simply turn around and find themselves in a whole other area geographically. It just didn't happen.

Deciding there was nothing she could do for now, she decided to check her phone again, and her heart sunk further at finding no signal.

Looking out over the hills she thought she could see what looked like some kind of road. An unpaved muddy looking one, but a road. A road meant people. Sooner or later. People who could tell her where she was and help her get home again.

The despair gripping her chest lightened a notch. She had nothing to eat, but she took a drink of her water to quell her stomach's rumbling. It reminded her of another thing and she wrinkled her nose as her full bladder made itself known.

Growling to herself, she grabbed a few tissues out of her bag and ducked behind a tree to do her business. She didn't even want to think what would happen when the tissues ran out.

That bit done, she tried to arrange her backpack and laundry bag more comfortably and failed miserably. Both were packed to bursting because of her going home for the holidays, and heavy as a consequence. The backpack wasn't so horrible, but the laundry bag only had one shoulder strap and a drawstring. Both were painful to use in addition to the weight of her backpack. She managed, but walking down the hill and not falling was a challenge.

She quickly grew warm and was forced to remove her hoodie and stuff it in her bag along with her winter outer clothes. She was glad for her boots though. Sturdy hiking boots she always wore in winter. While the rest of her could get cold, her feet always seemed too hot.

She wasn't in terrible shape by any means, but she wasn't exactly an athlete either and by the time she reached the road, she was dripping with sweat and out of breath. She wasn't sure which way to go, but decided west was best and started out along the road in that direction.

"Assuming the sun still rises in the east." she muttered to herself, trying to fight down the rising hysteria left over from the night before.

Another hour, or maybe two, and she still hadn't met anyone, and she was tired of walking. Her arms and back ached, and she knew she had to take a rest. She'd been pushing on, in hopes of finding something sooner rather than later, but beyond the tracks in the road; she saw no sign of anyone about.

She climbed a small grassy knoll, and collapsed, shoving that damned bag away from her. She lay flat on her back, staring at the blue sky for some time. There was a pleasant breeze, and the sun was warm. She could hear the sounds of birds and insects, and the scent of soft fresh grass rose to meet her. Her body was aching in a way that she could never recall it aching before. Her stomach burned dully because of her hunger, but she quickly forgot it. She'd gone more than one day without a meal during finals before after all. Despite her best efforts, the sounds, scents around her added to her exhaustion and she found her eyes sliding closed.

She woke with a start, to the sound of a voice calling to her. She hadn't been aware of falling asleep, and it threw her off balance. She bolted upright and looked at the road blearily.

Before her was a strange sight. An old man with a tall pointy blue hat, long grey cloak, silver scarf, a staff, and a beard that fell down past his waist stood before her. His big black boots were mud spattered and he looked at her with a keen eye beneath the wide brim of his hat and bushy eyebrows. She raised her own eyebrows at the sight and brushed a bit of grass away from her face and out of her hair.

"Hello!" he called to her, "You're looking rather out of sorts."

Relief rushed through her immediately, for she had worried that wherever she was might not be a place that spoke English. The man spoke with a British sounding accent, which was a little alarming to her. Crossing the Atlantic Ocean in the blink of an eye was more than a little disturbing a prospect to her.

Out of sorts. Funny way to say it, but she was sure she looked as weird to him as he did to her. She would figure out that bit of strangeness later, her first priority was getting information and help.

"Yeah. I guess I am." She replied, trying to seem friendly. She paused to pull her backpack back on and hauled her laundry bag up with her as she rose.

She walked down to the road, while the old man leaned on his staff, "Oh? Well what has happened to you?" His voice was full of honest sympathy, and she felt herself responding to it instantly.

"I'm really lost," she started, and tears immediately sprung to her eyes and she couldn't seem to stop. His eyes regarded her kindly and she found herself spilling everything to him, "I-I don't know w-w-where I am! I just f-found myself here. I know it's c-crazy, b-but I can't get my phone to w-work! I've been walking all day a-and I just want to g-go home." she hiccupped and went to wipe her face on her sleeve, instead she found a handkerchief in her face, and she dried her face with it.

"Th-thanks." she said, twisting the bit of fabric in her hands. She took a shuddering breath in, and tried to calm down. She tried to give it back but he waved her off, like some chivalrous knight of old. Her next words were still shaky and uneven but at least she had stopped crying.

"I know it's a lot to a-a-ask for, but can you h-help me? Please?" she almost whispered her plea.

The old man heaved a sigh and she felt her heart drop a bit. He removed his hat, rubbed his head and looked at her with a piercing gaze.

"I will help you. I must apologize however, for putting you in this position. I didn't think that you'd be a woman, or so far from here."

At these nonsensical words Holly had no idea what to think, his appearance struck her again and she narrowed her eyes at him as a thought occurred to her "What? Are you LARPing or something? Can you break character?" She blurted out, the first explanation for his looks and behavior springing to mind. She thought he was a bit old for a LARPer, but then she knew of older SCAdians.

"I beg your pardon, but I am unfamiliar with  _larping_ ," He looked bemused for a moment and then sighed again, shifting his weight to lean more on his staff and continued, "It is my fault you are here, I summoned you. I suppose I was a little too vague specifying what was needed..." he trailed off, noting her mounting confusion.

"I still don't get it." Holly said, feeling more than a little irritated now. She felt hurt that he was messing with her; after all she'd been through. A cruel stranger was something she didn't think she could put up with. Or maybe he was crazy, she thought with a jolt of alarm. Not that she had anything against people suffering from mental illness, but if he was delusional he wasn't going to be of much help to her.

"I'm Gandalf the Grey, and a Wizard." He introduced himself, effectively stopping her anger and sending her in to shock.

Definitely crazy and delusional. She thought somewhat hysterically. She looked at him again, as if she couldn't quite believe her ears.

"Say again?" she requested, her voice sounding funny over the pounding in her ears.

"I am Gandalf. The Grey." he replied, raising one bushy eyebrow at her. Interesting. She recognized his name, and more than that, she didn't think him real.

"No fucking way." Holly said, paling considerably, and stumbling back a step.

"Impossible. You're lying. I don't believe it. That's really cruel! After e-everything I just told you. Even if you do look the part..." she trailed off and if the ground weren't so muddy she would have slumped down to it. She looked like what little bit of courage she'd been holding on to had been snatched from her.

His great eyebrows furrowed again, "I assure you, I do not jest. This is far too important a matter to have anything less than the utmost seriousness when facing. If you are here, then it means that you will have a part to play in the adventures to come." He said with a frown and great seriousness. He had such a commanding presence that for a moment she believed him. Holly knew then he was either a great actor or that he was convinced everything he said was true.

But part of her did believe it, because there was something different about the old man. Something strange and otherworldly, and  _real_. His boots were truly battered, his beard was really that long, his hair that messy, his presence overwhelming. Because when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Yesterday ending up in a new place in the time it took to turn around was impossible. The evidence before her eyes now made it improbable, but not impossible, because it happened to her. Her brain spun with Holmesian logic.

Sure, why not Gandalf? Why not after she seemingly magically ended up here? Where the stars were different and nothing looked right. A corner of her mind gibbered in fear while the rest of her felt like bursting in to tears again.

Suddenly, he reached forward and gripped her shoulder, stronger than she would have expected from such an elderly looking guy, and looked her directly in the eye. Shocking her out of her musings and approaching panic attack.

Something about that look was fearsome and still soft, and demanded she listen and believe. "You may deny it all you wish, but you were called here for a purpose. I may have called, but  _you_  were the answer. We may yet find that purpose and deliver you through it safely. But first I think we should rest, and talk a little," he stooped and hefted her laundry bag over his shoulder, suddenly a plain old man again, "There is an inn, up the road a ways. We may reach it in time for dinner. I'm sure a meal would do you good."

A meal sounded good; even a meal with someone who was completely mental.

"I-I need proof." she demanded, coming out of her stupor a bit more, "I have questions." He nodded, "Of course, and I will answer them." He started walking without saying else, leaving her to try and order her thoughts in to something coherent.

Coming to a solution, she nodded absently and followed him down the road, catching up to his retreating back quickly. Her legs burned with the effort and she panted a bit as her backpack slammed in to her spine from the jog.

She'd play along for now. If this was a joke or trick, they wouldn't be able to keep it up for long. If it was real...

Well, she couldn't bear to find out what she was in for if it was real.

"I'm Holly. Holly Argent." She said suddenly, and the man turned back to look at her, his sharp eyes assessing.

"Welcome to the Shire, Miss Argent."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> I chose the name Holly Argent for the significance of the Holly tree, and the last name...well you'll have to wait and see ;)
> 
> I picked a Raven and a Deer for Holly to follow in to Middle Earth. The Raven is associated with messages, wisdom, and otherworldly knowledge, and the Deer is a guardian and path-finder. Who better to lead her to Middle Earth? The train station as her point of departure was also symbolic.
> 
> I fully intend to go with the idea that Middle Earth and our earth are the same planet, just separated by time. Which means Holly didn't come from another world, she merely slipped back in time.
> 
> Holly wouldn't have recognized the stars because the stars have moved significantly in the thousands of years between the time of the Hobbit and the current age.
> 
> I'll be messing with some major plot points a bit so that Holly doesn't follow the same path as other oc's. Mostly I'll be pulling events from the book, though I intend to take some dialogue and other things from the movies since the book is very formal stylistically.


	2. The Girl of the Future

 

" **After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb."**

**-Nelson Mandela**

* * *

**Chapter Two: The Girl of the Future**

Gandalf was not the sort to be angry at fate. Very often there was a reason, time, and place for everything and everyone. However seeing the strange young woman with the unmistakable mark about her that meant he had summoned her, made him more than a little annoyed at the powers that be.

He knew better than most not to underestimate the fairer sex, but unfortunately women were not seen as capable as men by many, and though dwarves were more lenient than the race of men with their women-folk, he did not think her presence would go over well with Thorin and Company.

It would be difficult, and require explanation on his part. For he had no doubt that she was needed if the Valar had chosen her and spirited her away to the Shire. He didn't know exactly where she came from. She reminded him of something, very familiar and yet something so far in his past that he hardly remembered it.

She certainly looked strange, and that would have to be remedied, and soon. The strange bag he had hefted on to his shoulder was an eye catching scarlet red with a white R on it, and her clothes were strangely fitted and brightly colored. The bag on her back also had strange fastenings and shape. Her hair was cut shorter than most hobbit men!

He also had to figure out exactly what it was about her that made her needed. She didn't have the build for a warrior shield-maiden. She was neither fat nor overly thin and had the look of one who was well fed. Her hands, despite being dirty currently, were soft and unlined. Though she was young, he guessed her age was between twenty and thirty, she did not seem to be naive.

She was clearly mistrustful of him; which was a good thing considering the circumstances. She would have to be daft to be anything but suspicious. Especially if she was from as far away a place as he thought she might be.

It was hardly another hour before they started passing by the little farms nestled between the hills of the Shire. The hobbits they passed gave them mistrustful looks and a few glared at him in particular. He noted that Holly was fascinated by them, though she had the good grace not to stare. Her eyes also flickered over the homes set in to the hills, and the little chimneys rising above with a peculiar look on her face.

It was well past midday by several hours when they reached the inn. Neither had spoken to the other expect for passing comments about the weather and their surroundings.

It wasn't too busy inside, but there were a fair number of people in the room beyond the front room sitting at tables and a bar. No stairs, everything seemed to be on the ground level with several hallways branching off from the main area. The desk before them had a cheerful fellow who helped them quick enough. Holly had protested briefly when the old man paid for a room for her, but it was half-hearted at best.

She removed her backpack from her shoulders, stretching a bit to relieve some of the ache. The inside of the place was warm and brightly lit from a number of sources, but none of them electric. Try as she might, she couldn't make out a single cable or sign of electricity. The old man gave their things to one of the short people before she could protest, and he huffed under the weight of them but carried them off. She was more and more perturbed by her surroundings, and was easily led in to the eating room of the inn, seemingly too dazed to react too much by the goings on around her.

Gandalf noted how upset she seemed and tried not to startle her anymore while he led her to the dining area. He had heard her stomach rumbling on their walk and from the pinched look on her face he surmised that she hadn't eaten in awhile. However with every step she seemed to grow worse.

In fact she was. Everything seemed off and strange. It was strange because it was too real. She was surrounded by small people with very authentic looking pointed ears and furry feet, with veins, and calluses and tendons...and as they had passed homes she'd gotten a glimpse to some of the insides and the details in everything.

The bricks were crumbling in the way only years and years of time could make them, the roads were well worn by many feet...The amount of money it would cost to deceive someone on this level was astounding. She had already started to feel the doubt placed in her by the old man niggle at her heart, but as she followed him it began to swallow her whole.

The old man was guiding her about and she let him, too engrossed in her thoughts to do otherwise. A little man in the inn bumped in to her startling her badly, "Beggin' your pardon Miss!" he nodded at her, his curly hair bouncing. She squinted at his ears until he began to frown. "It's okay." she replied, jerking her eyes away from the unnatural pointed shape. "Sorry," she added, not wanting to seem rude, "I'm a bit out of it today."

A smile lit the man's face and he patted her gently on the arm before bustling off. She watched his furry feet carefully for a seam of a prosthetic. Surely they couldn't be real? How many little people did the world have that were willing to pose as hobbits? It was...too much to process.

"This way. Better get something to eat." The old man said, guiding her in to a seat at one of the table out of the way of the rest of the customers there.

She stared at the obviously worn table and poked it with one finger, tracing the grain of the wood without really thinking about it. Wax spilled from candles had built up over time and stained an area of the table near an unlit candle. There was also a burn where a candle had obviously fallen over. The other tables she glanced at seemed to be in similar states.

She noted all these little details, and she began to feel dizzy again. Hysteria rose once more and she struggled to not laugh, cry, or throw up. The plate of wholesome food placed before her by a server brought no positive increase to her appetite, despite her hunger from earlier.

"Are you quite alright?" he asked her, jolting her out of her thoughts.

"No," she said honestly. "I'm far from alright." She flinched when a tankard of something was placed beside her, and she stared at it dully.

"Better to talk later, without prying ears. Eat up now." He started to eat his own meal while she hesitated.

She wanted to protest, and to get angry with him, but one sharp look from the old man was enough to maker her stop those thoughts. She ate slowly, and soon her stomach settled. The ale was not bad, and she drank it all quickly, wishing for water since she was already a little dehydrated. It wasn't terribly strong, but she waved away another...hobbit...with a pitcher not wanting a refill.

The old man had removed a pipe from some pocket, tamping tobacco in it, and she gasped when he lit it with a flame that seemed to spring from his thumb.

"Y-You..." She started, but he shot her another look that had her shutting her mouth.

Holly shook her head in disbelief and decided to stare at her plate. Her rising hysteria wasn't doing her any good. She needed to keep her head in place despite the weirdness of her situation. Maybe later she could sneak off and find a phone, or use her own.

She buried the sinking feeling that there weren't going to be any phones in this place.

She felt a prickling at the back of her neck and turned her head to find a short man with an enormous beard, funnily enough braided, and an axe on his belt, staring at her. She blinked at him, and blushed, looking back to her plate.

A  _dwarf_ , her mind supplied, even as it sent her heart beating madly again.

"Hm. You're gathering too much attention. If you're finished, we should retire away from here for a while." the old man rumbled, standing up with his pipe and looking down on her.

"Oh. Right." she said stupidly, realizing her purple hoodie with the yellow Starship logo across the front, jeans, and rubber-soled boots probably did look very funny to everyone. Hah and they looked really weird to her. She rose to her feet, and followed the old man out. So far she refused to acknowledge him by his name in her thoughts.

It was too ridiculous.

She took a few steadying breaths as she followed him out of the room and away from prying eyes down another hall. He asked another passing hobbit for directions and they soon were situated in a nice little room. The room had a bed, table, and fireplace and cozy carpet and quilted bedspread.

She fingered the quilt and noted her bags had been placed off to the side. The furnishings here were in good shape, if a little worn, and she was struck again by their authenticity. The hearth was blackened by many fires, and the carpet had a worn spot in one corner.

The old man settled in a chair and continued to smoke. To her amazement, the smoke turned into multi-colored rings that danced about, then a butterfly appeared, and a ship. She stared at them with her mouth open. The butterfly drew near her and landed on her hand. She could feel the slight brush of air from its smoky wings. It took off and she flinched as it vanished in to the ceiling.

"If you just accept that everything is real, you will avoid quite a bit of mental pain." the old man advised her, the stem of his pipe between his teeth.

"I can't!" she snapped at him, fisting her hand in to the quilt, "It's just impossible. I must be insane. I-I shouldn't be here." She trembled and finally slumped against the bed and sat down on the floor, drawing her knees to her chest.

He blew another cloud of smoke and then tapped his pipe on the table.

"Perhaps, we should begin at the beginning. Where are you from?" he asked, laying his staff aside and removed his pointed hat to lay it on the table.

She closed her eyes. "New Jersey. The United States of America."

There was a pause while he processed that. Inwardly Gandalf sighed. He had heard of no place bearing that name in Middle Earth. Well he should know as a guardian of Arda. Bits and pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together, as incredulous as it seemed. He felt he had a pretty good idea where, or rather  _when_  she was from.

"How did you get here?"

She squeezed her arms tighter around her knees and pressed her face in to them, feeling the tears slip down her cheeks.

"One moment I-I was at the train station, waiting for my mother to pick me up. It was December and freezing, and then I turned around and I was in some forest on top of a hill." She related the story to him, her tears getting worse.

"It was winter?" He asked and she looked up to glare at him, "Yes. It was December. I was going home for the holidays from school."

"School? At your age?"

She felt angry again, and she wiped her face harder with her sleeve then she meant to.

"Yes. It's not weird for people my age to be in school. I was at University, studying for my degree in anthropology, and women and gender studies." she snapped at him.

"How did I get here? You claim to have summoned me, but how the fuck could I be in a fictional place? It's not possible! There's no such thing as hobbits, and dwarves, and fucking wizards...a-and  _magic_." She swore, rising to her feet and pacing.

He opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off, slamming her hands down on the little table, her eyes flashing with anger.

"You expect me to believe you're Gandalf? The wizard who helped the Fellowship of the Ring? Freaking Frodo and freaking Aragorn son of Arathorn?!" She practically shouted at him, pointing an accusing finger.

Alarm shot across him and he almost felt his mouth fall open. She should not know that name. Aragorn was known only to a privileged few. Though the rest of what she had said was nonsensical to him, it was clear to him she had foreknowledge somehow.

She opened her mouth to continue her tirade but he hastily cut her off, "Enough! There is time enough for childish tantrums when it is safe to do so! It is simply not safe for you to continue!" He thundered, standing suddenly and seeming to take up a whole lot more space very quickly.

It was so like the moment where he cowed Bilbo in the Lord of the Rings book and movie that she felt her heart froze. She felt her jaw go slack and fumbled in to the other chair, fighting the urge to apologize.

His eyes flashed and she felt herself go cold all over. It suddenly occurred to her that shouting at him was probably not a smart thing to do.

She was still tense as he seemed to shrink back in to himself and take his seat once more. "How did you come by the knowledge of that name? He is but a child." He asked her, keeping her beneath a sharp gaze even as his voice softened.

"Th-the books," she stuttered, "I mean they're famous, the books, the movies. They're some of my favorite stories," she paused and looked at him earnestly, leaning forward slightly, "But they're not real. They're fantasy, make-believe."

The pitying look he gave her made her feel worse, and the tears she'd been trying to hold back made a reappearance.

"I mean how can everything look so real? The ears, the h-h-hobbits, that dwarf, you...I c-can't..." she trailed off, gripping her head and leaning heavily on the table, "It's not possible to travel to another world." Holly said as firmly as she could, though her voice cracked and trembled.

Gandalf regarded her for a moment and shook his head, finally sure.

"Not another world, no. However time is more relative than you think."

She looked at him, stunned.  _Time_. Time was...that made sense, much to her growing horror. The evidence presented to her was hard to refute. The climate change, the acts of...of magic by the old man, the fire, the sense that something was  _different_  about him, the very  _real_  looking hobbits, dwarf, and lack of modern things. Her heart didn't truly believe they were anything but real.

Traveling back in time would explain the stars, explain everything weird and wrong. Didn't...didn't Tolkien write that these stories were from long ago. Oh god, how long ago? At least over ten thousand years, probably tens of thousands of years...

In denial, she pulled her phone out again and stared at the empty service bars. She dialed 9-1-1 in desperation, and then her parent's number, of course her phone simply cut off the call after a minute and the battery dropped lower.

She let it fall from her hands to clatter on the table, feeling numb.

 _I'm at a crossroads, a precipice, a point of no return...I can lose my mind, or I can accept it and move on. But...my family, my life. Oh god. Middle Earth...no...no...I..._  Her thoughts scattered and she clenched and unclenched her hands.

_Can I go back?_

Gandalf brooded over the table, and muttered under his breath, seemingly to himself while she slowly regained control of her panic.

"You mean you yanked me back in time?" Holly asked, her voice filled with despair, "Can...can I go back?"

Gandalf looked at her, and she knew. Knew before the words crossed his lips.

She wasn't going home ever again.

* * *

She was in shock, he was sure.

She had crawled in to the bed and hid under the quilt, occasionally sobbing. Her heart was surely broken, and the responsibility for that lay with him, and heavily upon his own heart.

Some time passed, and he called for tea and some food.

The matter at hand still needed to be discussed. The meeting was in two days, and he still had to meet their burglar.

She rose without prompting when the tea was delivered and accepted a cup from him, settling back in her seat. She was quiet and lost in her thoughts, but no longer crying. Her hands gripped the cup so tightly her knuckles went white.

She stared as another hobbit laid a fire in the hearth for them and he let her get lost staring into the flames.

The tea was cold before he decided the time was right to talk.

"I said when we met on the road that I intended to help you. I do. Your fate is my responsibility. However you were brought here for a purpose."

His words lay heavily in the room, hung between them. Her eyes slid to his, and he was slightly relieved to see they were not totally empty.

"To ask more of you when you have lost everything is cruel, but ask I must."

"You want me to go on the quest to Mordor?" she asked, wrinkling her forehead and going white.

Another sharp stab of alarm filled him.

"The quest," he began, "is to reclaim Erebor. I would not ask anyone to go to that cursed land."

She blinked at him, and realization lit her eyes. Her face regained a little color.

"You will," she said with something akin to grim satisfaction, "Right to the heart of Mount Doom." It obviously pained him to think of sending someone there, and right now she would do anything to make him feel even a little of the pain she felt.

His eyes closed heavily, even as his mind spun with implications.

"I beg of you to tell me no more. If indeed your stories are true, then the knowledge you hold is quite dangerous. Do not tell me of ill, or of triumphs. It is better I do not know." He impressed upon her the seriousness of it, "Nor anyone else." he added as an afterthought.

She looked at him then and shifted uncomfortably, "If I could save someone great pain? Or save lives? What about then? Why should I keep my knowledge to myself?" she turned her head to look back at the fire, "Should I stand by and let sad things happen for the greater good?"

He hesitated telling her yes. It dawned on him that maybe that was why she was here, to change things. Had he not worried over the end of the line of Durin? Hadn't he asked for someone to help prevent that.

Who was she, what did she possess that made her the answer?

"Then you're going to let me decide?" Her voice cracked when he didn't answer right away, and she looked terrified at the thought, "I-I'm not great in any way. I'm not a wizard. I'm just me."

"No," he replied heavily, "It shouldn't have to be your burden, but foreknowledge is dangerous, however you came to have it. Keep it to yourself. I asked for someone to help save the line of Durin. Do not try to change major events that must happen...though I doubt that you would be able to. Matters of fate seem to have a way of working out." he added thoughtfully.

It did not comfort her much. The grief she had felt upon learning she couldn't go home still pained her. Worse than anything she'd felt before, but she had pushed it away. She needed to make a life here. She needed to move forward. Her knowledge was her greatest resource.

She knew, some things had to happen. She was still wrapping her mind around Erebor. She had assumed...well in fanfiction all the girls ended up on the quest to destroy the one ring. She snorted. Oh god, she was a Mary Sue.

She was a good...was it a century? A little less than that? Before the fellowship was formed. Bilbo hadn't even found the ring yet.

"Erebor. The line of Durin. Thorin, Fili, Kili..." she tried the words out, and felt another chill go through her. Gandalf looked at her sharply.

"You know then? Of this quest as well?"

The movies were foremost in her mind. Why, she'd seen the last one only a few days ago. She felt her chest squeeze painfully. She had no doubt that if this quest was real, it would follow the events of the book. She had a sudden urge to write down everything she could recall. She had re-read the book a few months ago, and the events and differences were still in her mind.

"Of course, in more detail than you might think." she replied, about to explain more, when the words died on her tongue. She couldn't tell him. She thought with rising anxiety. Not anyone. It would be so difficult, a look, a word, and she could give it all away.  _I can't save them all!_ She thought despairingly. Thorin had died defending Erebor, and his nephews along with him.

Another thought struck her, "I could die. I very well may die." Her chest felt tight again, and a little voice in the back of her mind asked if that would be so terrible. It was a testament to her grief that the thought even occurred to her. She pushed the idea of willful suicide away with disgust.

Gandalf didn't reply, but he was looking at her closely.

She didn't believe in fate. It very much was against everything she stood for. The idea that everything would come out the way it had to, that one's path was already decided, was terrifying to her. She believed in hard work and making yourself be what you wanted to become; changing things through your own actions.

"I don't want to go." she whispered, though she didn't see another option. Where would she go? What would she do?

She was startled when Gandalf reached for her hand and held it in his own across the table. "There is a reason you're here. Never doubt that. Hold to it. I will do my best to see that little harm comes to you, and that you will have a home after everything is through." he promised, and his touch made her feel steady, like he had injected her with courage.

She clung to his words as he pulled away. A reason. A time to every purpose under heaven.

She was quiet for a few more moments. It was all sinking in, and possibilities were spinning in her head. No matter what he said, she knew she wasn't going to be completely safe from harm. There was little choice though, and maybe, just maybe...her presence could make a difference.

It was hard to believe it, but she didn't think she could let herself believe otherwise or she might just fall completely apart in to a gibbering mess of terror and despair.

"You are convincing Thorin." She demanded, looking back up at him.

Gandalf suppressed a chuckle, despite the seriousness of everything they'd spoken of and her revelations. She was special, he could tell already. She had a stronger will than he'd seen in the race of men for a very long time.

He left her then for his own bed, knowing exhaustion would keep her from running. And good sense. She seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. He would do his best by her.

He knew she was still angry with him, but in time he hoped to earn her forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> Aragorn would be around ten years old at this point. I don't think it would be weird for Gandalf to know of him as his mother and he would be in the care of Elrond in Rivendell at this point in Middle Earth's history and a human being raised by elves would certainly catch the attention of a wizard. He would of course not know Frodo yet.
> 
> Too many stories have the main oc character simply accept their position too quickly. I certainly would freak out if I suddenly found myself in Middle Earth, despite how much I love the stories. The best exceptions I can think of are Don't Panic! By boz4pm and Home with the Fairies by I-Mushi. Both are excellent stories to check out in the LotR fandom.
> 
> Though I'm trying to be canonical as possible, I'm taking a few literary liberties. The common tongue is not the same as English, but let's just say the Valar were trying not to be too cruel to poor Holly.


	3. Getting Your ISH Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “On one hand, we know that everything happens for a reason, and there are no mistakes or coincidences. On the other hand, we learn that we can never give up, knowing that with the right tools and energy, we can reverse any decree or karma. So, which is it? Let the Light decide, or never give up? The answer is: both.”
> 
> -Yehuda Berg

**Chapter Three: Getting Your ISH Together**

 

Though Gandalf had left some time ago, Holly could not bring herself to go to bed.

 She wished more than anything that she could just somehow stop existing. Not die exactly, just fall asleep and never wake up. Stop existing...Anything to stop the grief she was feeling. Reality was too painful.

 Unless one has lost a close friend, parent, or sibling, or fallen in love, one cannot understand the agony Holly was feeling. It was like a great monster had settled in her chest and was methodically clawing out her insides and setting the remains on fire. Like falling through the ice of a pond in winter.

She had lost everything. Literally. That was not an understatement in any way. One moment she was just another college student fearful about her future and the next it had all been torn away from her.

 She got up and dumped all her things from her bag on the rumpled quilt. She clutched a notebook, a bottle of aspirin, and a handful of clothes, to her chest and she wept bitterly in to them.

 She pulled out her cell again, and started to compose a text. It was her farewell letter. She typed with blurry eyes and didn't bother to correct any mistakes as she poured all her love and good wishes for everyone in to it. It went on and on and got so long that she had to start another one. She sent them, even knowing they wouldn't be delivered. Eventually the phone began to blink, already low on battery, and she laid it aside.

 She stared at it, tapping the screen every now and then so it never went off completely, until it finally died.

 She came back to herself then, and carefully put away everything she had pulled from her bags. She folded all her clothes with more care than she usually gave them, and organized her bag better than she generally kept it. She was amused by how much more space she had when she'd finished.

 Holly was desperate for her brain to shut off. To have some respite from what she was feeling. She had a partially full bottle of Benadryl and her anti-anxiety medication packed in her bag. Either would make her sleepy, but she took a dose of both. Hopefully her asthma wouldn't flare up or she was going to be screwed, she thought irreverently. Her inhaler had been in her suitcase, which had been left behind at the train station.

 She curled back up on the bed and wished the fire wasn't so bright. It was cool in the room and she left all her clothes and hoodie on. The quilt was a comforting weight. Almost like a hug.

 She felt some more tears slide down her face, but was too tired to break out in sobs like earlier. Soon the potent mix of grief, exhaustion, and medication had her deeply asleep.

 

* * *

 

Gandalf had been informed that she was still asleep, and thought it best to leave her that way. It was already well in to the morning and he had an errand to attend to; a burglar to recruit.

 He paid for another night and arranged for some kind of bath, drink, and food for Holly when she woke. He was fairly certain she wouldn't do anything foolish. The inn's workers would keep her occupied. Hobbits knew the benefits of homely comforts, cheer, good food, and plenty of it.

The hobbit woman who half owned and helped run the inn alongside her husband had expressed worry over her missing so many meals already, to which he'd solemnly agreed but stressed to let her sleep however long she wished. She had given him a suspicious look, but acquiesced and tutted under her breath about wizards being bad for one's health.

 When he mentioned her need for clothes she gave him such a stern look that if it were made of sterner stuff, it would have left him quaking in his boots. She hadn't pried, but the look on her face assured him that Holly would be well taken care of.

 His reputation was particularly bad amongst hobbits, who in general considered him a mischief maker and trouble monger of the worst sort. Apparently even their mistrust of the Big Folk could be overcome by their mistrust of him. They constantly surprised him. He chuckled at that thought and secured his hat on his head. He had a Baggins to see, and he knew Holly was in good hands.

 Holly awoke slowly, still groggy from her abuse of medication the night before as well as sheer mental and physical exhaustion. She lay in bed for quite a bit longer than she normally would, not wanting to face the day. However, face the day she must.

Her stomach was once again empty and her bladder full. She hesitantly pushed back the covers and settled her bare feet on the ground. She decided to change first and withdrew a clean set of clothes from her laundry bag. The most inconspicuous things she had. Jeans and a royal purple peasant style top with light pink embroidery. She tended to like vibrant colors and things with logos, but anything like that would only bring more attention than she wanted. 

She couldn't find a mirror, and she only had the reflective surface of the back of her iPod touch to work with. Her hair stuck up in strange angles and she tried to smooth it down, but soon gave up. Her hair always did this. She had terrible bed head for someone with short hair, always had.

She grimaced at her face. Her eyes were still red and felt gritty and slightly puffy. She felt like crying all over again, but she'd cried so much over the past day that she physically felt sick at the prospect of spending any more time in self-pity.

Gandalf hadn't returned yet, and she was unsure what to do. She didn't really want to go wandering around. There was too much of a chance on getting lost. 

She checked her door and found it to be unlocked so she poked her head out. Immediately there was an exclamation and she opened the door wider to find a hobbit woman carrying what looked like a load of linens smiling softly up at her.

“Oh good. You're awake dear! I thought you'd sleep the whole day away.” Holly opened her mouth to reply but the woman cut her off, “You must be hungry, thirsty?” She foisted her load of linens off on a passing younger-looking hobbit, who grunted and scowled at the woman, who paid him no heed.

“Well, we'll take care of that. You'll be wanting a bath too I shouldn't wonder! With that wizard hauling you all over who knows where.” She pronounced  _wizard_ as if it were a dirty word and Holly had to bite her own lip in amusement. The hobbit woman shooed her aside, and bustled in to the room to collect the tea things from the night before and said, “Come along, let's put you to rights!”

The woman gave Holly no time to reply. She seemed to think that Holly was very hard done by, and kept dropping disapproving remarks about Gandalf, adventures, and respectable people in general, all the while managing Holly like a General.

She ushered her outside to a structure that Holly instantly recognized by the smell. It wasn't as horrible as one might think, but still unpleasant. Inside was a bench with a hole and a wooden seat. A box of old paper, rags, and other things sat to the side, as well as a bowl of sand and a pitcher of water with another cloth. She was grateful for it, as weird as it was using such things. It was far better than a pit and leaves.

Feeling much better, she emerged and was once again whisked off to a sort of back room that was bustling with hobbits coming in and out. She recognized the fellow she'd bumped in to yesterday carrying a basket full of eggs who gave her a cheerful wink before being chastised by the woman she was following and sent back towards what she assumed was a pantry. It seemed to be a kind of general storeroom, and in a box in one corner were a bunch of clothes, eating utensils, cups, bowls, and other odd and ends. The woman dug through it muttering to herself.

“Ah here! I thought someone had left a Big Folk's dress behind at some point...” She shook out a dull brown and russet dress and held it towards Holly who took it, and held it up against herself. It was obvious right away that it would not fit. It was much too small, and the woman took it back with a sigh and dug a bit more before informing her there wasn't anything else. “I guess what you're wearing will have to do,” she eyed Holly's clothes critically and with interest, but didn't remark more on it. “Could be worse.” The woman nodded emphatically, as if trying to reassure her, and patted her on the arm.

Holly was bemused by this, but once again the woman was off and she was trailing in her wake. This time she led her back to the room, and to her surprise she found the bed already made, the fire crackling merrily once more, and a big tub with steaming water and a wooden screen before the hearth.

“I...thank you!” She said with real enthusiasm, the first words she'd been able to interject in between the woman's constant stream of chatter. The woman smiled and patted her on the arm again (Holly thought it was adorable that someone half her height could act so matronly towards her). “A good bath will put you to rights, and after I'll have a decent meal set out. Let me know if you need anything!” She was off again before Holly could ask her name.

Holly quickly threw the latch on the door and couldn't keep a smile off her face. She stripped and clambered into the tub, making use of the soft soap and cloth that had been left out on the table. She had to wash her hair with it as well. It didn't lather as well as she was used to, it reminded her of all-natural soaps her mother was fond of. It smelled of some kind of flower she couldn't quite put her finger on. The tub was also on the small side, but she couldn't care less. The water was the perfect temperature.

She wasn't terribly dirty, but the bath made her feel much better, and enabled her to get her hair under control. She lingered for as long as the water stayed warm, until she was forced to leave it. As she dried her hair on the towel it occurred to her that this bath might very well be the only one she would have for weeks. She redressed and went to open her door again to find the hobbit woman...who was once again outside and ready to take charge of her.

 She began to wonder if the woman was waiting around just for her. She was bustled away towards the dining area from earlier, which was quite empty at the time. The table she was sat down at was tucked away in the corner: “To keep you from prying eyes.” she was told, though she didn't really care. The hobbit woman still seemed distressed at her appearance, though she didn't seem to blame Holly and instead laid all the blame squarely at Gandalf's feet with all her disparaging muttering against the wizard.

Holly managed to get out a few more “thank you's” to the hobbit woman (whose name she still did not know). She merely waved them aside, her face pinking, “It's nothing dear. Now here we are,” she gestured to another older hobbit who was bringing forth a platter of foods which he proceeded to set before her. Holly gaped as the hobbit woman patted her on the arm again and told her to “dig in” with a tone of voice that brooked no opposition before tutting over how many meals she'd already missed.

Holly had read that hobbits ate a lot, but last night must have been an exception to the norm. Before her was laid so much food that she didn't think she could possibly eat it all. There was a pot of tea, with cream and sugar aside in their own little bowls; bread with butter, honey, and some kind of jam; cheese that looked and smelled divine, sausage, chicken, dried fruit, scones, bacon, and hard boiled eggs. She was speechless.

“Is it enough? You missed quite a few meals sleeping in so.” The woman tucked a curling piece of hair out of her face and under her white cap and looked at Holly expectantly. “Oh no!” Holly exclaimed, “It's more than enough, thank you! It looks delicious. Really, thank you! You must have gone through so much trouble-”

 “Oh no dear,” she blushed again, “It was no trouble, just tuck in and I'll send someone for the dishes later.” She beamed and then bustled off, but Holly could hear her muttering about how polite she was, and how horrible it must be to be saddled with a meddling wizard...

She nearly snorted in to her tea.

It was delicious, far better than anything she'd had lately. During finals her diet suffered as she forgot to eat and more often than not relied on takeout at all hours of the day and night to sustain her. Cold pizza from two days before was the least of it.

She had barely made a dent in it when Gandalf showed up again, and settled himself down at her table without a word while she blinked at him. He reached for a scone and she smiled sweetly at him.

“Good morning!” she offered, reaching for a scone herself and buttering it generously.

He froze and gave her a hard look of exasperation and annoyance that she burst in to laughter and nearly choked on the scone.

 His lips twitched slightly and he took a scone for himself, adding jam and cream. “Good morning indeed! It's past midday now and well in to the afternoon!” he muttered darkly, giving her a stern look. The seriousness of his tone however was ruined by how his lips kept twitching in amusement.

 She let her eyes widen in mock innocence and took another bite of her scone and a sip of her tea. She then turned moody again when she realized what it meant that he had the reaction he did to her greeting. Tomorrow the dwarves would meet Bilbo. Tomorrow she would meet all of them.

“You seem much restored.” he ventured, looking her over while helping himself to more of her food. Her color was much better, and her face had lost all traces of tears. She was not allowing herself to grieve, and he did not know whether he should consider that a good or a harmful thing. Two days was nowhere near enough time, but it was all that was available to them. He met her eyes with his own and once again he saw her inner strength of character.

 Holly looked away from his eyes. They saw too much. “I'm really not,” she admitted more quietly, “I just can't let myself get mired in it. C'est la vie. Que sera, sera and all that you know. I-” she paused and looked at him, “I am _not_ happy with the turn of events, but what else can I do? Hiding underneath a bed crying won't help anybody, least of all myself.” She finished, and looked down at her hands, her appetite vanishing.

Gandalf was starting to piece together why she of all people was chosen. His mind was now made up as to what story he'd tell Thorin. A little truth, a little untruth. The same with Bilbo. He was readying himself for a fight, and his first test would be soon.

“You said there must be a reason, and that I should hold to that.” Holly said, looking down at her hands, “I'm not strong or anything, but I guess I'll fake it until I make it.” She smiled self-deprecatingly and a little bitterly.

 He made a grumbling noise of assent in response but otherwise said nothing. Her odd turn of phrase was apt, but kept reminding him of something forgotten. So familiar, and yet alien. Every time he turned his mind to it the thoughts slipped away. Probably for some purpose. Perhaps it was better he left it alone.

 Meanwhile Holly couldn't bear to look at him while he was lost in his thoughts. She hated him for what was happening to her, but she also desperately needed him. She could not survive on her own, and she was smart enough to know it.

 She cleared her throat noisily after sometime and went back to her food. She ate quietly with him and together they finished the enormous meal. People were starting to trickle back in at this point, but even after the dishes were cleared away, he made no move to rise.

 He took his pipe out again and began to smoke, and ordered more tea and snacks from a passing hobbit. Holly was feeling sleepy from all the food and from all the walking she did the day before. She felt too comfortable tucked away in her chair, leaning up against a wall to want to move. She let herself doze a bit, and therefore was surprised when a gruff voice addressed the old man beside her.

 “Are you Gandalf? I was told to meet you here.”

 She jolted awake, and realized that she must have dozed longer than she meant to. It was dark outside the windows, and the candles at the tables had been lit. She blearily rubbed her eyes and looked for the source of the voice.

“Gandalf is my name, and Gandalf means me! Well met, Master Dwarf.” The wizard replied, gesturing at an empty seat.

Holly peered around Gandalf, who she hadn't realized until this moment was blocking her view of the room and everyone in it, to see a dwarf. He was being given furtive looks of wariness from the other diners (mostly hobbits) and was scowling up at the wizard. He had a dark green hood and a golden belt and a large walking-axe he was using to lean against. His beard was long and dark, though his head was bald. His scowl grew more pronounced as he caught sight of her.

“Dwalin, at your service.” He said gruffly, and sat down at their table.

 Holly was left speechless. She had no idea that this was a prearranged meeting, and she wondered what else had been left out of the books. _Or had her presence here already changed things?_

 “Who's the lass?” he grunted, settling his axe to lean on the table, and giving her a look full of curiosity. His eyes were bright as they regarded her and she had a feeling he was assessing her to some unknown standard. She took the chance to stare unabashedly right back at him. He smirked and seemed amused by her, and she glared at him.

 “A dear companion of mine.” Gandalf answered vaguely, waving the hovering server over and giving an order for more food and ale. A bushy brown eyebrow was cocked, but he said no more. The food and drink arrived and he dug in, and didn't say anything until after he finished.

“I was sent to look ahead and meet you if I could.” Dwalin said, pushing away his meal with a belch. Holly wrinkled her nose but hid it behind her own mug of tea.

However Dwalin's attention was all for Gandalf, and he leaned forward, his voice going softer even as he tilted his head away from the rest of the room so as to hide his face, “I trust all is in order with our burglar? And the other?”

 “Don't you worry about him, I've got it all in order. You'll see the usual mark on his door in the place I marked on the map! As for the other member,” Gandalf paused and slid his gaze over to Holly who felt her stomach clench in anxiety, “She's sitting right here.”

 Dwalin leaned back abruptly at that and looked her over again, apparently re-writing in his head whatever notions he'd already had of her. His gaze flicked to her hands, to her face, to her chest (which made her scowl at him), to her arms, and finally back to her eyes. She met his gaze as steadily as she could.

 He didn't blink and said nothing and suddenly she was struck by how very much like a staring contest it was. Deliberately she raised an eyebrow at him. He looked away, obvious irritation written on his face.

 “He won't be pleased.” the dwarf grunted, and took a deep drink from his ale.

 Holly was taken aback. Here she'd been all ready to defend herself to him and he hadn't even said a word against her, or to her. He was all but ignoring her presence. She almost felt let down. She scowled at the both of them and angrily took another drink of her tea. Gandalf gave her an amused look and she slammed her mug down again and took off.

 “I'm tired. I'll see you later.” She said to Gandalf in irritation, and left them both without looking back. Her stalking drew eyes but she glared fiercely at them until the hobbit woman from earlier made a reappearance and took her arm to lead her away.

 “This way dear. Really! You poor thing. That wizard should really mind his own business and stop meddling with decent folk.” She sniffed and led Holly away, patting her absentmindedly.

 Dwalin looked after her in amusement, and some worry, though he dared not argue against the wizard. He had almost done so, but the look the old man had given him had made him shut his mouth and take another look at her. She was oddly attired, and certainly looked out of place next to the wizard. Maybe she was a witch of some sort? Whatever the case, unlike so many he'd met in the towns of men, she hadn't quailed beneath his gaze, or shown disdain or suspicion.

 She had fire that one, he thought, as he drained the rest of his tankard. She couldn't be worse than the rest of the lot that was to go along, he thought pessimistically. He hoped for good news from the Iron Hills. With any luck, they'd have enough in the company that they could leave the lass behind.

 

* * *

 

Holly took the chance of being escorted to her room to finally get the hobbit woman's name which was Marta. She thanked Marta again and then closed the door.

 Being alone made her thoughts turn to darker things. She felt the ever near feeling of despair and grief start to overwhelm her again. The day had been so busy that she hadn't had a moment to really think on it. She knew it wasn't healthy, denying her grief and bottling it up, but she felt like she was in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight mode where she was denied either option. Her eyes fell upon her things, which had been laying at the foot of the little bed.

She knew there was no way she'd be able to take it all with her. Yet her things were her last connection to her home. Her life. She wished now for so many things she'd left behind. In her haste to pack for the holidays she had shoved things in her bags with no care to what she put in where. She took a deep breath. She needed busy work.

 She snagged her things and withdrew a notebook from her backpack and a pen. She then proceeded to go carefully through all the pockets and make a list of everything she had. There were many useless things; her textbooks, forgotten candy wrappers, gum, keys, and lint. However there were a few useful items too. She had a small bottle of hand sanitizer, tissues, pens, paper, pocket knife set, and her water bottle. She made a separate list for clothes.

 She looked at the lists and then started to star the things she would need, or couldn't bear to part with. She didn't know what to do with the stuff she didn't need, but figured Gandalf would probably tell her.

 She then sat back and made another list, of all the events and the order in which they happened. She tried not to detail them too much. She used abbreviations for a lot of the names and places. Holly knew it would be horrible if the list got in to the wrong hands, but she needed to do it. If only to refresh her mind and think of what she was going to do.

 Saving all the dwarves who had died would be a tall order. She had no idea how to even begin about doing it. Part of it she supposed would depend on what Gandalf told them about her. She would follow his lead there. She had no intention of letting on where she was from and what she really knew.

 Holly didn't wait up for Gandalf. She didn't feel like talking and she was still tired and achey to boot. Instead she changed in to her pajamas and climbed in to the bed. She didn't need medicine this time to fall asleep.

 Her dreams were filled with strange things; things that were nonsensical and yet seemed perfectly alright bothered her. She had conversations with queer figures and constantly felt an unnamed fear. She woke several times, but was unable to recall what made her startle awake with her heart pounding and tears rolling down her cheeks. Eventually she fell in to a deeper sleep and in the morning she had forgotten all about it.

 

* * *

 

She awoke much earlier this time and rose with a feeling of determination. So far she'd avoided asking Gandalf what was going to happen, partly because she knew, but also partly because she didn't feel like knowing. She was annoyed he hadn't taken it upon himself to inform her of his plans. She intended to ask him.

 She dressed in her next best inconspicuous shirt (a white t-shit from her job with her title on the back in black lettering) and jeans. She wet her hair down with some water from a wash basin that had been set on the table and dried it on a small hand towel. She dug a paisley blue handkerchief out of her bag, now that she knew she had several in there, and folded it to make a hair band.

 Holly then went outside to use the facilities, such as they were, and then returned to find Marta looking for her. She was ushered to the dining area where to her surprise she found Dwalin, not Gandalf, waiting for her at breakfast. He grunted at her when she sat down, his mouth full of eggs.

 She gratefully accepted tea and food from Marta who shot the dwarf a dirty look and left again. This time she didn't mutter under her breath, merely sent Holly a concerned look before retreating, though she kept an eye on the pair of them as she went about her business.

 “Good morning.” Holly said tentatively to the dwarf. He seemed lost in his own thoughts, and was fingering a sharp looking knife.

 “Morning.” he returned, but his thoughts seemed miles away.

 “Is Gandalf going to join us?” She asked, wondering where the wizard got to. He looked slightly startled at that, but shook his head.

 “No. The wizard left last night. Said we were to go on without him,” here he gave her a look that clearly stated he wasn't happy with being her babysitter.

 She frowned at her tea. Left? Sneaky, stupid, meddling, irritating wizard! She finished her food in a foul mood. Just like him to run off. What if Dwalin had left without her? They hadn't even been introduced properly.

 “I'm Holly by the way.” She said politely, then tacked on hurriedly, “At your service.”

 He eyed her again with curiosity, and replied, “Dwalin, at yours and your family's.”

 He looked like he was about to say more, but then turned away with a grumble.

He finished the rest of his food in silence and then rose to his feet, “When you've finished, get your things and meet me outside. We've a little ways to go yet.” Dwalin informed her.

 “Alright.” Holly agreed, and then he left.

 Marta hurried over as soon as he'd vanished from sight and started to clear the things away. “Are you alright dear? In any kind of trouble?” she asked in a soft voice.

 Holly almost wanted to spill everything to her. No, she was not alright. Yes, she was in a great deal of trouble. Instead she forced herself to say, “Oh no. Everything is fine. Thank you.” The way Marta pursed her lips made Holly think she hadn't been very convincing, but apparently the woman didn't want to press any further.

 Before she left Holly caught her arm, “I wanted to say thank you again, for everything.” She really had grown fond of Marta and her bustling ways. The woman smiled with a warmth that Holly wasn't expecting and gave her a nod before hurrying off to some other task.

 Her things were already packed from the night before, and her muscles were protesting just looking at the two bags. Dwalin was leaning impatiently on his axe outside the front of the inn, frowning at her and looking at her bags askance. She ignored him and motioned for him to lead the way, hoisting her laundry bag further on one shoulder.

 Dwalin, despite being about a head shorter than her, set a good pace. She had to work to keep up with him. He also wasn't as burdened as she was, but he didn't offer to help her and she wasn't about to ask. Holly believed in pulling her own weight. Besides, she thought with amusement, her laundry bag was almost as tall as he was!

 They walked for what seemed like ages, passing more hobbits going about their business. Some gave them wary looks, but others seemed intent on ignoring them. Soon the farms gave way to better roads and more elaborate homes, until they crossed a bridge and she realized that they must now be in Hobbiton.

 The sun was starting to dip lower, and she wished she knew what time it was and how close to their destination they were. Dwalin had stopped about once an hour by her estimation, and they had made six stops. He didn't say much, or really anything at all, but she was okay with that. His lack of questioning made her life easier.

 Her feet and calves were incredibly sore and she was ready to collapse. She was also really hungry, though at least Dwalin had shared his water with her. She hadn't thought to fill up her water bottle before they left.

 They had stopped now, and stood a ways off the road to keep out of the way of what little traffic there was. Dwalin had a map that he had pulled out every now and then to consult. He pulled it out now and poured intently over it. Holly took the chance to lower her bag to the ground and rub her shoulder. When it didn't seem like they'd move on soon, she flopped to the ground with a sigh and lay back in the sweet smelling grass with a sigh.

 “C'mon lass. We're almost there now. Up you get.” Dwalin said after what seemed only a moment later. She grunted while sitting up and reached for her bag, but her arms were trembling from the strain and she just couldn't seem to lift it.

 There was a sigh and Dwalin gruffly took the bright red laundry bag from her and hefted it over his shoulder, then reached a hand down to her. She slipped her arms through her backpack's straps and accepted it.

 “Thanks.” she said, trying to keep her arms from shaking. He eyed her trembling limbs but didn't say anything. She was too tired to do much more than trudge behind him.

 Dwalin meanwhile had spent most of his trip observing the woman behind him and thinking things over. He wasn't known for his mind, but for his skills as a Guardsman and a warrior. His brother was the more scholarly one, and that often led to people overlooking his own intellect.

 Dwalin had a very sharp mind, and he had been preoccupied most of the day with plans for their journey, possibilities, and with Holly. He had noticed many things about the woman.

 Some things he was impressed by. She had done very well traveling, despite having a ridiculous load, and she had uttered no complaints unlike some young dwarves he knew. She also was obviously unused to physical labor. Her hands alone told him that, as did her pale skin, but her trembling stressed muscles were worse. She'd be in a fair amount of pain later after they'd stiffened up.

 She didn't ask for help either, which was admirable, but stupid. She should have known her limits better and not pushed them. As it was he had slowed down considerably for her as the day wore on. He felt a kind of rough sympathy for her. Women amongst his people were scarce, and all the more treasured for it. He had not had many chances to interact with the women-folk of men, but what he had seen hadn't been that intriguing.

 There was something fragile about her, and something off in the way she looked upon everything; as if it all was wondrous and new to her as well as alien and strange. She had a bit of gloom about her that made him wary, but also a determination that could also manifest as stubbornness if her refusal to ask for help was anything to go by.

 He reserved judgment on her, but didn't think Thorin would condone her presence unless the wizard had a damn god explanation for it. It was bad enough she had been foisted off on him by the wizard and he, in good conscience, could not leave her stranded behind.

 It was late afternoon before they reached Bag End and saw the mark on the round green door set in to the hill. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> Still waiting on my beta for chapters 4 and 5 :) 
> 
> I have a good friend who always says “ish”. It always makes me want to laugh, but she's very serious about it. I just curse until it fits how I feel satisfactorily.
> 
> I'm kind of going back and forth on movie canon vs book canon for what the characters, places, and things look like. So I decided to meld them together, but lean towards the book version.
> 
> The books from Tolkien's universe and the movie mention plumbing, so I'm assuming there is some limited kind of system in place. I googled 'medieval toilets' (#weirdthingsfanficauthorsdo) and found “A History of Toilets” which was an interesting read. Considering the era of the Hobbit and LotR, I figured that most likely only the wealthiest would be able to afford an inside toilet/water closet (like the elves and maybe Gondorians, and Hobbits with their refined sensibilities), but most would have something outside. Since Hobbits are so good at digging I figure they must have a sewer system, hence why I chose to portray something other than a hole in the ground. Bilbo, as a wealthy gentlehobbit of leisure would of course have a nicer toilet.
> 
> Holly is very angry at Gandalf, and annoyed, and she will sometimes let that get the best of her. The “good morning” joke is of course a reference to the book and the movie
> 
> On Holly's Height: EVERY oc in this type of situation is SHORT. Often the characters are likened to being like dwarves. It drive me nuts. Just because it is convenient doesn't make it a good plot device. Holly therefore is not short. She's around 5 foot 6 inches, average height. Shorter than Gandalf, but taller than all the dwarves and Bilbo.


	4. I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
> 
> -Carl Jung

**Chapter Four: I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In**

Holly stared at the door, feeling relief that they had reached their destination at last. She didn't even care that it was Bag End, and that she should be feeling awe and excitement. She was far too worn out to do more than stare at the slightly glowing mark on the door.

 Dwalin looked back at her for a moment, then turned and opened the gate and marched through. She followed him, and latched the gate behind them as they walked up the slight incline to the door. There was a bell pull, which Dwalin rang. He also knocked for good measure.

 They waited longer than seemed necessary until the door was opened by the hobbit. Dwalin pushed inside before he could speak and she followed him wearily.

 Bilbo looked very flummoxed. His mouth opened and he blinked at the intrusion. He was quite clearly torn between good manners and wanting to know who in the world they were. He fairly gaped at the both of them as Dwalin hung his dark green hood on the nearest peg.

She smiled a little at him, but happily removed her backpack and shook out her aching limbs. He was plump, and had sandy colored curly hair and leaf shaped pointed ears. His fuzzy feet were neatly brushed. He flinched a bit when Dwalin whirled and swept him a bow, “Dwalin at your service!” he said. Holly nodded towards him with a smile, “I'm Holly Argent.”

 “Bilbo Baggins at yours”  he returned, looking very surprised and then fell silent. The silence got awkward really quickly and she glanced at Dwalin, who was now regarding poor Bilbo with his intense eyes.

 “Er, I was just about to sit down to tea. Would you both care to join me?” he asked awkwardly, and a little brusquely. Dwalin nodded and she took pity on the hobbit.

 “Yes please, that would be really nice” she replied. He led the way through his home, which was barely big enough for her to feel alright in. She wasn't claustrophobic by any means, but her head practically scraped the ceiling!

 The smial, or what she could see of it, was very comfortable and plush looking. She really wished she could go explore. Now that she was here she was itching to go poke around. However she didn't want to be rude, and so she settled for looking about her as they entered the kitchen.

 Dwalin didn't seem to be much interested in anything other than the food Bilbo set before them. They had to wait a bit for the tea, as Bilbo had only just put the kettle on. He also had to fetch an extra cup and saucer for Holly.

 She complimented the food and the prettily patterned china and made their hobbit host blush and Dwalin look at her incredulously. The food was delicious, though it was only cake for now. She savored it and sipped slowly at her tea. It wasn't long before there was another ring at the bell and Bilbo excused himself to answer the door.

 Another dwarf, with white hair and who looked to be in a good mood entered the room a moment later. Dwalin greeted him enthusiastically and soon the two were off on a discussion in another language.

 She wrinkled her nose and tried to ignore when Balin looked at her pointedly and Dwalin replied. Bilbo was back a moment later however, this time with seedcake and beer. He had no sooner put it down when his doorbell had wrung again and he hurried off, flustered and huffing from exertion.

 “This is my brother, Balin.” Dwalin introduced after a moment, startling her out of her thoughts.

 “Uh, Holly Argent. Nice to meet you!” She nodded at him. She didn't like the disapproving look on his face, but there wasn't much she could do until Gandalf got there.

 She heard Bilbo crying out in dismay and two new voices joined the noise. First entered a dwarf she instantly recognized as Fili with his blond hair. Kili followed behind him and both greeted Balin and Dwalin happily and boisterously, not even noticing her as she slid further down the bench. Poor Bilbo had retreated to a corner to sip at a mug of something, looking upset and unhappy. Beside her the dwarves started to talk about gold, troubles with goblins, and the ruin the dragon had wrought upon the countryside.

 It wasn't until there was another loud ringing and Fili declared there were several more of their number outside to Bilbo as he hurried to answer it that the princes even noticed her.

 “Here, who're you?” Kili asked her rudely, seeming to notice her all of a sudden. Fili also looked around in bemusement and grinned at her.

 “I'm Holly,” she told them as Dwalin grumbled about her being the wizard's companion. That got a lot of interest from the two and both tried to talk over the other to ask her questions.

 “You know the wiz-”

“Are you a witch and do-”

“Where did you-" 

“What are you wearing?”

She blinked at them as the babble got louder and more confusing with the arrival of more dwarves at the door to the kitchen. Thankfully that also distracted them and she took the chance to steal a chair and plop it in the corner away from the rabble.

There was forehead smashing, clasping of arms, pounding on backs, and general merriment between all those gathered. They quickly clustered around the table, jostling one another for the best spots. There were even a few good natured punches thrown. It was so like watching a bunch of freshmen guys in college that she spent a few minutes trying hard to not to laugh too loudly.

They ran Bilbo ragged with requests for food and drink. Demanding beer, tea, coffee, eggs, bacon, bread; anything you could imagine. She would have helped, but she had no idea where things were and she was afraid she'd only be in the way. Instead she snatched some food for herself and sat unobtrusively in the corner. Some gave her curious glances, but none ventured near her or bothered to address her. They all seemed intent on catching up with one another.

 A thunderous knocking sounded through the kitchen and Bilbo once again scurried off to answer the door. Soon enough the last of the group entered including Gandalf. He glanced over to her as he sat down and his eyes twinkled in the light. She frowned at him.

 There were calls for more food and drink, and Bilbo ran around until he was red in the face and complained hotly about needing a hand. The dwarves quickly did so, and soon things were all rearranged so everyone fit comfortably around several tables pushed together.

 Bilbo plopped down on a stool before his hearth and nibbled a biscuit in a timid manner, his eyes wide as he watched and listened to the dwarves talking. Holly merely leaned back and closed her eyes. She was still really tired, and nobody was paying any attention to her. She wanted to doze off, but it was too noisy.

 A little while later and the dwarves were finished the meal and moved on to cleaning up. And what a clearing up it was! It was as ridiculous as the scene in the movie, throwing plates, balancing things, and Bilbo running around and squeaking in terror. The song was sung with much laughter and smiles all around from the dwarves. As far as she could tell, when they'd finished, nothing had so much as a chip in it. She amused herself by figuring out which dwarf was which, and soon she thought she had them all down. It helped that their names rhymed.

 Thorin, who had been discussing something seriously with Gandalf, looked over at her just then and gave her a very stern look. She met his gaze and nodded to him. He looked vaguely affronted and turned to say something else to Gandalf, who replied calmly. She couldn't hear them over the din, but she figured it didn't matter, as long as she didn't have to explain anything.

 She was annoyed that she was being left out of the conversation though. Being a woman had drawbacks here, especially when the man who pledged to help you was a meddling wizard! When Thorin suddenly looked over at her with open interest she scowled at Gandalf. Hopefully he wasn't telling any outrageous lies about her.

 Gandalf had mulled over his options and decided that telling Thorin a lie would not endear the dwarf to himself. “I know you did not expect a woman to join the company.” Gandalf told him seriously, “However she appeared after my appeal to the Valar.” Gandalf’s voice had dropped even lower and Thorin stilled. His dark eyes were thoughtful and he glanced over at the woman, and a little shocked.

 “Truly?” He asked the wizard lowly.

 Gandalf nodded and leaned forward, “I believe she also has some touch of foresight about her…and perhaps other talents. I urge you strongly to accept her and Bilbo in to your midst.”

 Thorin was still not convinced and opened his mouth to say so but Gandalf quickly cut him off again.

 “It would be the wisest course. Their presence guarantees my own.” He added, his tone firm and unrelenting. Thorin, though quick of temper, knew better than to cross the wizard when he was that commanding. He nodded his aquiesence and returned moodily to his food.

 He was not at all happy about the wizard’s meddling and manipulation. He wondered if he would regret this decision. The woman had not engaged with the company much so far. She stayed to the side and seemed content with observing. Her behavior boded well for the kind of temperament the company and such a long arduous journey would require. Thorin, if possible, was even less impressed with their host. The woman at least seemed sturdy and Dwalin had told him of his observations. If she truly was god-sent then he had little choice. The halfling however, was seriously not cut out for a long journey, and Thorin doubted his worth.

 He still cast looks over the lass every now and then and wondered. He didn't want to be responsible for two more when he already had his kin to look after. He trusted Gandalf...to a point. It was not always the wisest course of action in his experience to trust those who held arcane power.

 Soon there was a call for music and Holly took that as her cue to sneak away. She caught Bilbo's attention and asked if there was anywhere she could lie down for a bit. He blinked up at her as if startled. He had quite forgotten that there was a woman amongst all the dwarves in his home.

 “Yes, yes. If you'll follow me please!” He led her down the hall and to a room with two beds in it. “Here's one of the guest rooms. Pick whichever bed you wish, though I'm afraid you might be a bit tall for it.” He told her politely, and she thanked him.

 He left and closed the door behind him, which blocked out a good deal of the noise from the dwarves who were now playing music and singing. She happily took off her shoes and fell in to one of the beds.

 Her feet did hang off the edge, but curled on to her side she fit just fine. Exhaustion caught up with her quickly and soon she was lulled to sleep by the soft distant sound of music.

* * *

 “Um, you must awake now. The Wizard wishes you to join us.” A hesitant voice called out to her and woke her up. She groaned and buried her face further under the blanket.

 There was a pause and then a hand gently shook her shoulder.

 “Lady Holly?” The voice said.

 “Okay okay...I'm up.” She yawned, sitting up, stretching, and wincing as her arms protested the movement. She looked at the dwarf before her who was anxiously wringing his hands.

“Oh. Hi. I'm Holly.” she said, forgetting which dwarf this was. She'd been making an awful lot of introductions lately. It seemed safer than opening her mouth and putting her foot in it. Just 'Hi I'm Holly' was working great for her at the moment.

She squinted at him, her eyes still bleary with sleep. It was hard to make him out in the dark and the backlight from the door.

“Ori! At your service!” he bowed to her and then straightened up again, “Um, you're needed to talk about the quest.” He informed her.

She sighed, but pushed the covers away and got to her feet, not bothering with her shoes. “'Kay, lead the way.” She yawned again.

Ori led her back to the group, who was sitting in the dark, clustered around the largest table by the hearth in the kitchen and speaking in low voices. He scurried to an empty spot between two dwarves she assumed were Nori and Dori as soon as they entered the room.

“Ah Holly! Come join us!” Gandalf called to her. Immediately all eyes turned to her and she found herself unaccountably blushing under their scrutiny. She cursed inwardly wondering if she looked presentable. She nervously ran a hand over her short hair, her bandana was missing, but it didn't feel like it was sticking up. She straightened her shirt a bit and sat beside Gandalf, who had cleared a chair for her. Thorin sat on his other side and he looked at her with a frown on his face.

“A quick introduction might be in order, hm?” Gandalf continued after a moment of awkward silence. They then went around the table and introduced themselves to her until it was her turn and they all looked at her expectantly.

“Holly. Holly Argent. It's very nice to meet all of you.” She said as politely as she could. She wanted nothing more than to shrink beneath everyone's gazes, but instead she forced herself to raise her chin and sit straighter. She wanted to make a good impression.

A few muttered under their breaths (Gloin and Dori if she wasn't mistaken) but otherwise fell quiet as Thorin began to speak.

“You all know why we're here. We meet to discuss plans, policies, expectations, and shall soon leave on our journey.” Here he paused significantly. “Some or even all of us may never return,” he carefully met every person's gaze, including Holly's. This close she was struck for the first time by his brilliant grey-blue eyes.

She wondered what Gandalf had said to him, and what he thought of her. She hadn't really interacted with him yet, or heard him speak. He had a nice voice, commanding and smooth, she thought distractedly.

 Bilbo however seemed overcome at these words and gave a shout of fright and toppled out of sight with a crash from his stool, and consequently broke the moment between them as Thorin's gaze flickered away. A great frown pulled at his lips as he watched the hobbit get back to his feet.

 Gandalf talked loudly over the other's exclamations and mutterings about Bilbo having fits, and she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

 “Will he do? Seemed more like he was scared to me! And what about her? How can we have a woman along on this venture? We trusted the wizard to choose two more companions and look what we get! If it weren't for the mark on the door I'd think we were in the wrong place. One seems more a grocer than a burglar to me and the other more a milkmaid than a witch!” It was Gloin who complained loudly, and the others all muttered, some in agreement, others calling to give Holly and Bilbo a chance.

 “A mark?!” Bilbo exclaimed, “What mark? That door was just painted recently; I assure you there is no mark there.”

 “Witch? You think I'm a witch?” Holly asked, and shot a glare at Gandalf who got a mysterious loud coughing fit that drowned out her question from the rest.

 Gloin replied to Bilbo with a negligent wave of his hand, “The usual mark. Gandalf assured us there was a fellow in the area looking for this kind of work and he arranged the meeting.”

 At once Bilbo turned a frown on the Wizard who nodded in agreement, “I put the mark there myself. You asked me to find the final members of this expedition and so I did. I chose the both of them for excellent reasons. A fine thing it is now that you don't want them! I searched high and low for a burglar and for one with a touch of foresight. Heroes are scarce in these parts, you were lucky I found them.” He turned a furious glare at the dwarves and Gloin in particular. The dwarf sank a little in his seat.

“If I say Mr. Baggins is a Burglar, than a Burglar he is. There is far more to him than any of you know, even himself. When the time comes both Mr. Baggins and Holly shall prove their worth. I promise you that! That should be enough for you.” Gandalf added, giving everyone a scolding before settling back to frown intimidatingly at them all.

“We'll have no more argument about it!” Thorin declared, “I have Gandalf's reasoning and I trust in that. Do you not trust in my judgment?” His tone brooked no dissent and there was uneasy shifting as he turned his own glare upon Gloin and the rest. They all assured him they trusted in both Thorin and Gandalf's judgement.

 Holly was surprised, so much so she felt her mouth open a little and closed it with a snap. That wasn't at all how she imagined things going. But wait, foresight? Gandalf had told them about it! How could he?! He'd forbidden her to speak of it! She turned and glared furiously at him.

 “You owe me an explanation. Later.” She growled at him, and he frowned down at her in return but gave a little nod.

“Now Bilbo my dear boy, what can you do about getting us a little more light?”

Bilbo brought a lamp and Thorin spread a map on the table which had everyone leaning forward for a good look.

“There lies the Lonely Mountain,” Gandalf declared, gesturing towards the map and the depiction of the mountain with the dragon in red above it. “And here, is a secret passageway,” he tapped a rune on the side of the mountain.

“I don't see how this will help. It may have been secret once but the wyrm has been there long enough to discover it.” Thorin grumbled.

“He may have, but he can't have used it. The size of the passage is too small for such a large beast.” Gandalf replied.

They fell quiet at that, the possibilities occurring to them in dawning realization.

“If we can find the door, AND if it is not shut to us-” Nori grumbled. 

“Oh, but I forgot. I have the key!” Gandalf withdrew the clunky object and presented it to Thorin. He fastened it to a chain about his neck and settled it underneath his tunic.

“Now, we have not yet decided which way might be the best route to take...”

Holly tuned them out as the voices chimed in again in argument. She instead looked at the map, which was a beautiful thing. She was reminded again how very far it was to Erebor...and once there... She hesitantly touched the map, and traced the outline of Smaug.

 “Why don't we ask the lass?” a voice snapped her back to the conversation. Eyes were on her with expectant expressions.

 “Gandalf's plan has the best chance of working,” she ventured, remembering how he had counseled the group to not go down some river or other and to make an effort to find the side door.

 There were a few disgruntled looks, but otherwise nobody said anything.

“Unless you fancy being roasted, eviscerated, squashed, killed and/or eaten by a dragon.” Holly added wryly as the silence stretched on. At that, Bilbo squeaked and nearly fell off his stool again. A few of the dwarves smirked at her words and Kili's cough sounded suspiciously like a chuckle.

“That's all very well, if our _expert burglar_ could give us some suggestions.” Thorin cut across the murmuring sarcastically. She frowned at him. So. It seemed he wasn't as accepting as he had let on earlier.

“Now wait a moment if you please!” Bilbo exclaimed. “I very much want to know more before we go on. About the gold, where, who, how long, and so on.”

“Have you not been listening?” Thorin asked scathingly. Bilbo flushed under his scrutiny, but stood firm.

“Oh very well. I shall tell you.” Thorin began, sitting back down and lighting a pipe.

They all sat back and listened as he recounted the tale of how the dwarves of Erebor had hoarded gold, jewels, and other riches in the mountain which inevitably drew Smaug and led to the devastation of their kingdom.

Holly listened, and while she did, it struck her how little Thorin seemed to remember. He would have been young, very young when it happened. He was very bitter about it, and all the dwarves were silent and solemn at the recitation of their history. Only Fili and Kili seemed a bit bored. They had heard the story many times before and of course were still quite young.

“I suppose that is how my father and grandfather escaped.” Thorin mused, blowing a ring of smoke and watching it rise to the ceiling, “The side-door must have been something only they knew about and which they made a map and wrought a key for.” He looked sideways and up at Gandalf, “I should like to know how the wizard got a hold of them.” He added firmly.

“They were entrusted to me, to be kept until they were needed.” Gandalf replied, “As you remember Azog killed Thror in the battle to retake the mines of Moria. He had entrusted these things to your father, who in turn gave them to me.” Gandalf paused then continued, “It's a wonder I could find you to give them back as your father could not recall even his own name when I came upon him.”

“Curse the goblins. May Azog and all is descendants rot.” Thorin swore, and fingered the key about his neck. It was his only connection to his father, who he had not seen in a very long time Holly remembered suddenly.

They all fell silent again. The light of the dying fire in the hearth lit their faces in eerie ways. This was a solemn and serious undertaking, and it showed on all their faces. Holly wondered that these could be the same people who had acted so silly earlier.

“I think we've had enough talk for tonight.” Gandalf said after a moment, rising to his feet.

“Bed and breakfast and an early start are in order I believe.” Gandalf declared. Bilbo looked about to protest again when the wizard sent him a withering look.

“But-!” His cry was drowned out by the sound of chairs being pushed back and the dwarves getting to their feet. Then the hobbit was scurrying about and finding extra pillows and blankets for the dwarves would not be sleeping in his extra beds. Gandalf settled in a large arm chair. Balin claimed a sofa to spare his old bones. Thorin claimed Bilbo's own bedroom. Bilbo firmly pushed the dwarves away from the other room so he could get some rest. Fili and Kili claimed the other bed in Holly's room, and the rest were given spots all over the smial.

Giving up, the bewildered and unhappy hobbit sought his own bed. The sounds of dwarves settling all over the place quietened to a small murmur with snatches of someone humming the Song of the Lonely Mountain, and voices whispering in the dark.

Holly was more than happy to return to her own bed. Nobody contested her claim to it. Fili and Kili seemed awkward with her in the room but she ignored them in favor of burying beneath the blankets.

Holly had no idea what kind of silly sexist notions they had in their brains, but she didn't care to argue with anyone tonight. She'd shared a room with her little brother for over a decade, and had several roommates in college, so sharing a sleeping space wasn't a challenge for her. She easily tuned out the sounds of them moving about in favor of falling quickly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> I tried very hard to make this scene different from the movies (as I'm tired of reading fanfics that quote the movie verbatim) and instead borrowed more from the book and added my own twists. 
> 
> I'm having fun reconciling book Thorin with movie Thorin. One talks quite a bit more, gives long boring speeches, and is arrogant while the other is sexy and brooding; both can be cutting and rather mean.
> 
> On Sexism: In my opinion too many fics assume that right off the bat the people in Middle Earth are sexist and practice some ridiculous code of chivalry. I disagree somewhat. Women from medieval times weren't as downtrodden and oppressed as popular imagination might have you think. Noble women, while better educated, would have less freedom than an ordinary peasant woman. Holly, by virtue of her education and lifestyle would fall in to a sort of upper class station by default. The dwarves are still feeling her out so they will call her a couple different things. However using 'lady' all the time is excessive. 
> 
> Holly also won't insist on being called by her first name. She's more of the 'when in Rome' type. She tries to fit in with the social norms, not force them to see it her way; to a point anyway.
> 
> My head-canon is that Dwarves, on account of having fewer women, would actually be forced to treat them better, and anyway, who’s to say that there weren't more dwarf woman traipsing about? Female dwarves also had beards, as Aragorn once joked to Eowyn behind Gimli's back. There may have been plenty of dwarf women warriors, tradespeople, merchants, and so on. I do think, based on conversations and passages from the books that honor would be important to them, and therefore Holly would be treated decently.
> 
> Being part of the company, by default, makes Thorin responsible for Bilbo and Holly. Even if he isn't happy about it, his honor demands it. There was bit written in one of the Tolkien Middle Earth Guides about dwarves and kin...basically it boiled down to that a company like this would be like family to the leader, and therefore he would have to assume responsibility for their care and wellbeing. Bilbo and Holly not being dwarves throws a bit of a wrench in this, so Thorin is not happy about his position.


	5. Truths and Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
> 
> -Abraham Lincoln

** Chapter Five: Truths and Fools **

 

“Should we wake her?” Kili asked his brother, pulling on one boot. Fili glanced over at the figure currently buried beneath the covers. He shrugged, then gave Kili a mischievous grin. Together they crept over to the bed and were about to pull the covers off when a voice interrupted them.

 “Don't even _think_ about it.”

A tousled head of hair emerged from beneath the covers and gave them a warning glare. Kili burst out laughing.

Fili tried to look innocent, but he had been caught red handed. All Holly had to do was give him a look and he sheepishly dropped the end of the blanket he'd been about to rip off of her.

“You two are noisy enough to wake the dead.” Holly informed them, and with a sigh got out of her cozy bed. She shivered from the change in temperature and then yawned and stretched.

Going to smooth her hair she realized she was still missing her handkerchief from earlier and started looking through the covers for it. Finding it after a moment of rummaging she unfolded it and tied it around her head to cover her hair and keep it out of her face.

She paused then, realizing she had two sets of eyes on her. She quirked an eyebrow at them.

“Your hair!” Kili blurted out, then looked chagrined.

“Mm, what about it?” Holly asked, pulling her boots out from beneath the bed.

“It was hard to tell last night, but...” he trailed off looking uncertain.

Fili flopped on the bed and started putting his own boots on.

“It's short.” He said bluntly, when she looked up at him.

Holly sighed, “I like it short. It’s easier to manage and less hassle. It's common where I'm from.”

“Where _are_ you from?” Kili asked and Holly winced. Whoops. This was why she'd been sticking to introductions earlier. 

Ah well. Truth was better than lies. “America.” She told them, and watched them both look confused.

Kili opened his mouth to ask another question but she abruptly stood up. “I'm hungry. You guys hungry? I think I smell bacon.” Holly said quickly, and then left the room before the inquisition could get any worse.

She hurried down the hall and on the way discovered the bathroom. There was even a flush toilet! Granted it wasn't easy to figure out, but she was just happy she wasn't going to have to do her business outside. There was also a sink, which had a small pump. The water from it was cold but better than nothing. She gave her hands and her face a quick wash, and then realized that she wanted to change her clothes.

She had forgotten that she'd left her things in the front hall when she'd entered with Dwalin.

Making her way back there she passed several others. Ori smiled at her shyly and wished her a good morning, though Dori was frowning at her. They were both headed to the kitchen, along with everyone else and her stomach growled. She most definitely could smell bacon.

She bent to pick up her bags and frowned. She hadn't even had a chance to pack yet. Poor Bilbo's front hall was filled with bags and weapons. Hoods of every color hung from every peg and she noted the blue one with a silver tassel. She believed it belonged to Thorin. She couldn't resist touching them all, and making the tassel swing on the hook.

Someone cleared their throat behind her and she turned around to see Gandalf stooping around the chandelier and smiling at her.

“Good morning Holly, still haven't packed yet I see.” She sighed and shook her head, “No, I haven't. I don't even have everything I might need.” She told him with a frown. 

“Don't worry about that. We'll be stopping at a few towns before we make our way to wilder places. I'm sure we can see about getting you whatever it is you lack there.” He told her, and then ducked through to the other hall and headed towards breakfast.

She hurried back to the bed room. She didn't want to miss out on breakfast, but she had more pressing concerns at the moment. She pulled out her lists and then went about quickly sorting everything she meant to take with her.

Her laundry bag, and most of her clothes were staying behind. She reluctantly added her textbooks to the pile of things she wasn't taking as well. In the end, she only kept what fit in her backpack, which wasn't as much as she would like.

She hesitated over the pile, her last link to her home. The tears she'd been holding at bay started to fall again and she wiped them away angrily. She stood and left, taking her change of clothes back to the bathroom she'd used earlier.

When she finally did get to the kitchen, there was still a little food left. Bombur, with his enormous ginger braided beard (and enormous stature) was busy cooking bacon, eggs, and there was still bread and butter on the table. Nobody had bothered to make tea, but there was coffee. She happily took an empty cup and filled it from the pitcher on the table, though she had to drink it black as there was no cream.

She settled down on the bench next to Ori who gave her another smile. Dori was there too, as well as Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Oin, and Nori. She didn't see Gloin, Thorin, or Kili and Fili. Gandalf was missing too, she realized. Nobody paid her much mind as they were too busy eating.

There was plenty of chatter around her. She wondered if the dwarves were capable of being quiet as she sipped her bitter drink. Bofur looked a little hungover, and his hat was listing halfway off his head. “Quiet you. Have mercy on a poor dwarf's aching head.” he groaned, laying it down on the wooden table.

“What? What did he say?” Oin asked loudly, adjusting his ear trumpet, and Bifur said something loudly in Khuzdul which made Dwalin guffaw and Bofur moan. Balin looked disapprovingly down the table, “Shouldn't have drunk so much, even if it was free. You knew we were leaving in the morning.” He nodded and bit in to a piece of toast while Bofur whimpered.

So she wasn't the only one who hated mornings, she thought with amusement. At least she wasn't hungover.

 She finished her coffee and gratefully accepted a plate of bacon and fried eggs from Bombur who winked at her, “I could hear your stomach growling all the way down the hall! About time you showed up lass.”

 “I am starving,” Holly said sheepishly, “Thanks for cooking by the way.” she added picking up a fork,, “I'm horrible at it. Always burn everything.” He smiled widely at her and then bustled back to the stove.

 She began to eat, and discussion turned to their journey and events in the Blue Mountains. Apparently someone or other was getting married and they were going to miss it. Dori was fussing over Ori, who has spilled bacon grease on himself and looked terribly embarrassed. Nori finished eating and took out a knife which he began sharpening at the table. Oin was discussing something with Bifur. What, she had no clue, but judging by the flying hands and vehemence behind the statements, it was important.

Gandalf entered then and took the seat beside her, towering over everyone at the table and accepting a mug of coffee and plate of food from Bombur. He began eating, and seemed interested in what Bifur and Oin were discussing. A bit of egg dropped from his fork and landed on his beard.

 She was struck suddenly how strange it was; to be sitting among a group of characters she knew and liked but…this wasn't the kind of scene you saw in the movies or read in the book. These were real people, with real lives, the details of which had been lost to time.

 Holly couldn't seem to swallow, suddenly feeling the food stick in her throat. She poured herself more coffee and pushed the plate away.

 She had brought her backpack with her, and now she pulled out her notebook and a pen. She needed to do something, and writing or drawing had always calmed her down. She might as well keep track of the days, and she was several behind already.

 She'd been writing for awhile when a curious voice asked, “You can write?” She looked up to meet the curious gazes around the table, and Balin who had asked her the question.

 “Yeah. I'm a scholar.” She said distractedly, trying to remember dates.

 “I don't recognize the script.” Ori said, leaning over her shoulder to look. She blinked and felt the need to cover it with her hand, but shrugged. “It's English, cursive style.”

“What language is that?” Asked Bofur, raising his head off the table. At the same time Ori asked, “There's more styles? What kind of tool is that you're writing with? Where did you get such fine paper? "

She furrowed her brow and really looked at them. All attention was suddenly on her again. Even Nori who was pretending not to listen seemed interested, his head tilted in her direction. Gandalf merely looked down at her his gaze also interested from beneath his great wiry eyebrows. 

Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to take the notebook out. She hadn't even thought of how different it would seem to everyone here. She didn't even know where to begin to answer all the questions. So she started with the most obvious one.

“English. It's what we're speaking now,” she said slowly, then realized that wasn't quite right. 

“Er, what was that now?” Bofur asked, scratching his head. The words he used were different. She could hear it now. Like a strange kind of echo she heard the difference but still understood the meaning.

_I was speaking in another language this whole time and didn't even realize it._

Holly was dumbstruck, and she turned to Gandalf in panic. “It's her native tongue.” Gandalf supplied readily. Her heart thundered in her ears and her mouth got very dry.

The questions were now directed at him, but he grouchily refused to answer, stating that it was too early to be asking him things when he hadn't even eaten yet. 

“Um, Excuse me.” Holly said, and this time she could feel her lips forming the strange words. She got to her feet as calmly as she could, taking her notebook and backpack with her.

Her heart was pounding, and her pulse thundered in her ears as she turned the corner with a glance behind her to see if anyone was following. She was so intent on escape that she collided roughly with another person and sent them colliding with the wall and fell to the ground herself

“Oh sorry!” Holly said getting to her knees and looking up. She went a little pale when she saw who it was. Thorin did not look amused. He scowled at her and readjusted his clothing with a brusque tug.

“Watch where you're going.” He said coldly, his eyes narrowed. 

“I'm really, very sorry! I'll be more careful and watch where I'm going.” She apologized, standing up slowly.

Even being taller than him didn't help, for his glare made her feel like an ant. He inclined his head towards her mockingly, “See that you do.” Then he went on his way.

“Oh that rude little...” She muttered to herself and straightened her own clothes. She suddenly felt dizzy and leaned against the wall for support.

Holly closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. The run-in had at least stopped her from having a panic attack, but she was still unsure how to handle what she had happened. And oh! Thorin! She wasn't sure what she felt about him, being so rude and nasty to her one moment, and defending her the next!

Holly pushed away from the wall and ducked in to the first room she came across that wasn't occupied. It looked like a study. Her grandfather had a room much the same. There was a desk covered with many papers and books were scattered about. She sat down in a comfortable armchair and tried to make sense of what had happened. The problem was, it didn't _make_ sense! 

How the hell was she speaking in another language?

She had suspended her sense of disbelief enough to accept she'd somehow gotten here through...well she hated to think of it as _magic_. Her mother had always said magic was just something people didn't understand and scientists hadn't figured out yet. How could this possibly make sense though?

She leaned her face in her hands and took a few deep breaths. Okay, accept and move on. That was going to be her motto. Probably for years to come. The thought of that much time passing made her chest clench in a funny way.

To distract herself, she desperately looked around the room. It was somewhat familiar, and more importantly _safe_.

Her eyes landed on the books carefully put away on the bookshelves. She got up and crossed the room, removing one with a green cover and cracking it open. Her nose was assaulted by the smell of paper, dust, and something she couldn't quite name. She loved reading; always had. The smell was a strong reminder of comfortable nights curled up with a mug of tea and a good read. She traced the unfamiliar words on the cover and then startled and nearly dropped the book.

Like the way the words had changed when spoken to English in her head, so now did the written words seem to blur and handwritten English appeared. 'A Treatise on Garden Soils' she read.

How apt for a hobbit to have such a thing, she thought hysterically, shoving it hastily back on the shelf.

She had to face the music. Something, well... _magical_ , was going on. Maybe having the dwarves think she was a witch wasn't so far-fetched after all. She went back to the chair and sat down in it.

She was still sitting there when Dwalin poked his head around the door. There was something strange going on between her and the wizard. Thorin thought so, as well as Balin and himself. Something wasn't quite right with her. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he didn't like it. She seemed far too _resigned_. As if she didn't have a choice but to go with them. She also seemed ineffably sad, as he'd noted before.

“Lass. We're leaving.” He told her, watching her startle a bit before nodding and picking up her strange bag. He'd gotten a good look at it last night after she'd gone to bed, along with Balin. They'd never seen anything like it before.

It was very finely made, and the clasps on it were amazingly intricate, but very effective. For all it looked plain in unadorned black, the more they poured over it, the more they realized it was a costly fine thing. Her clothes too, though very strange, were obviously of fine make, and in materials they had never seen before. Not to even mention the strange things she'd brought out earlier.

After her confession of being a scholar, he and his brother suspected she was a lady in her country;  and a wealthy one to boot. Which made it strange that she seemed so lost and reliant upon Gandalf. This land of hers must be far away, begging the questions of why she was here, where her kin were, and why she was by herself. 

The wizard was entirely too tight lipped about the woman. There were so many observations about her that when added up made little sense. Such as why had yesterday worn her out if she was carrying so much this entire time? Her arms still trembled slightly, and he saw her wince as she put her arms through the straps on her back.

He decided to wait and watch. Balin would gently question her. He was much less fearsome looking than his brother and perhaps that would help her open up to him. It was their business to know if she was going to be trouble (though privately Dwalin thought just having a female along would be trouble enough).

She was looking at him expectantly now and he lead the way back outside. Most of the others had gone on already. Gloin was looking to see if there were more ponies they could purchase in the area.

Together they went down the little roads again until they reached the Green Dragon Inn.

* * *

Around the side of the inn was a little field and in it stood a bunch of ponies and all the dwarves. Various parcels, baggage, and other bits and odds lay about and were sorted in to different piles. The dwarves were busily tying things down and trying to keep the animals in order. Dwalin left her standing awkwardly to the side and went to go speak with his brother. 

Holly shyly edged towards one pony that was a bit bigger than the others and only had a saddle on it. She loved animals, of all kinds, but she had never ridden on anything. She'd simply never had the chance.

It was a beautiful animal though, with a dark mane and tail, black stockings, and a reddish-brown coat. It allowed her to approach so she grew a little more confident. She reached her hand out to pat the soft nose and the horse looked calmly back at her. A bit of warmth suffused her as the animal nuzzled her hand.

“Oh you're a sweet thing aren't you?” She said softly, and the pony flicked its ears lipped her hair a bit. She smiled and rubbed its neck.

“Aye, that one is your's.” A gruff voice informed her. Holly looked around and spotted Gloin who was looking at her with faint grimace of annoyance. “Didn't think we'd need anything larger than our ponies, and I was lucky enough to find this girl here.” He patted the pony on the neck.

“She's beautiful.” Holly said, rubbing the pony's nose, “Thank you.” She added to Gloin. He nodded at her and then went off to deal with something else.

She checked over the saddle and was trying to figure out if she could attach her backpack to when Bofur approached her, “Need help there Miss Holly?”

“Yes,” she smiled, “I've never ridden a pony before, or a horse for that matter.” He looked at her funny, but picked up her backpack from where she'd left it on the ground and showed her how to tie it on to her pony.

“You're going to be sore later, if you've never learned to ride.” He said, rubbing his chin. She sighed, “Well, it's still better than walking, and you're in good company!” He added with a smile.

“Now that I'm all set up to ride the pony express, can I help out with anything?” Holly asked. Bofur looked a bit surprised but shrugged, “Sure.”

She spent the next hour helping lift things and hold them on the ponies' backs while they were being secured by a dwarf. Her height gave her an advantage to being able to hold things in place better. Before she got there they'd been using a crate they'd borrowed from the inn to stand on. 

When they were done most sat down in the grass to wait, some producing pipes, and others simply relaxing, or amusing themselves with something or other. Gandalf had appeared at some point with a white horse and was now in discussion with Thorin. They were going to leave around 11 after Bilbo joined them.

Holly sat down in the grass and stretched her stiff limbs. She was still in pain from the last few days. She'd done more physical labor in the last 48 hours than she usually did in two weeks. She had some ibuprofen, but didn't want to waste her small supply on silly aches.

Bofur approached her again and squinted down at her, “Just occurred to me. You aint' got a weapon.” he said, sitting next to her, “Not unless you've got it hidden away somewhere.” He added, giving her a once over and a wink. 

Amused, she couldn't help blushing and his smile grew wider.  “I have a pocket knife, but it's only a small flimsy thing.” She told him, and pulled it out of her pocket, handing it over.

It wasn't just a pocket knife, it also had a bottle opener, corkscrew, scissors, and a screwdriver. It had her name on the side. It had been a gift from her parents a few years ago. Her father always had one on him, a left-over habit from his Boy Scout days, and had taught his kids knife safety from a young age.

“Never seen anything like it!” He exclaimed, turning it over, and then pulling out all the attachments. “Right handy that is, but it's not really a weapon.” He tested the edge of the inch long knife, and then folded it back and handed it to her. She put it back in her pocket.

“No, but it's all I have.” She looked away. Her heart ached for her dad now. He wasn't a man of many words, but she loved him dearly. She missed everyone, her whole family. 

Bofur took a seat beside her and pulled out his own knife and a bit of wood that he began to turn this way and that. “Too bad. Well, not all of us are warriors. You just stick close and you'll be fine.” He reassured her. 

“I can take care of myself.” She said, a little more harshly than she meant to. She wasn't used to be talked down to...as if she were a child! He looked over her again, and she felt that she was being measured again. Just like with Dwalin. “Oh aye. I'm sure you can. Got a bit of fire to ya.” Bofur said agreeably after a moment, regarding her with sharp eyes. 

“Is that a bad thing?” She asked, pulling a handful of grass roughly out of the ground in order to occupy her hands. He chuckled but shook his head. “I'm thinking it's probably a good thing. Never met a human woman before you know. You're not too different from our women.” He then began to scrape away at the wood. 

“I’ve never met a dwarf before now.” She admitted, “Or a hobbit, or a wizard for that matter!” She tossed the grass away from her. She was starting to feel overwhelmed again, so she ducked her head and avoided Bofur's gaze.

“What are your women like? Are you married?” She blurted out, trying to cast around for another topic.

He laughed at that, “No. I'm not. We don't have very many women-folk see. Only Gloin is married with a child out of all of us.” He nodded at the grouchy dwarf who was busy talking with Oin.

“So, I'm stuck with a bunch of rowdy confirmed old bachelors?” She asked.

That surprised an amused snort out of him, “Oh I'd love to hear you say that to some of their faces!” he chuckled, “You got an odd turn of phrase lass!”

She smiled and then left him to his whittling.

To her surprise they were soon joined by Bombur and Bifur. She noticed with a start that there really was an axe imbedded in the latter dwarf's head.

She turned her gaze away before they could catch her looking. “Ah this is my brother, and my cousin.” Bofur said, when the two had settled down. Bifur nodded at her and said something in his rough tongue. Bombur laughed outright at it, though Bofur turned a shade of red.

“Nothing of the sort!” He declared, glancing at her guiltily.

“Not even going to ask.” She said, causing more chuckled from Bombur and a grin from Bifur. He leaned over and patted her on the hand and said something that had Bofur sputtering again.

“Here! Now, don't go being a bad influence.” Bombur chided, “I'm sure he didn't mean to annoy the lass...She doesn't look annoyed to me.” He looked at her and scratched his head thoughtfully.

“Eh, I'm supposed to know how to reply to that?” Holly asked uncertainly.

“Pay no mind to them lady!” Bombur said, “They're both terrible with talking to women. No idea what to say.”

“Oh like you're any better!” Bofur shot back indignantly, pocketing his carving and waving his knife at his brother.

Bifur said something as well, sounding very amused.

“Hah that's right! Remember that one time with you and the serving wench?” Bofur replied.

“Now now, there's a lady present! Don't go proving my point!” Bombur cut in hurriedly, a blush rising on his face.

“I'm sure it's nothing I haven't heard before,” Holly laughed, “I have three brothers. Go on!”

Bofur shrugged and went on with his story, “Well you see, we'd been out for a night of drinking. It was my other cousin's coming of age party-”

Bombur covered his face with his hand, but Bifur clapped him good-naturedly on the shoulder. 

At the end of the tale Holly was in stitches and Bombur was indignant.

“That's not how I remember it!” He said, gesticulating wildly. Bifur said something and then guffawed as Bombur looked more embarrassed.

“A pig? Really?” Holly asked through her laughter, “And the tea pot?”

“Aye, it was such a nice one too.” Bofur chuckled.

Bombur got to his feet in a hurry, which was no small act as his bulk was considerable. “I-I'm going to go check on the...spices.” He said, stomping off with a huff.

“Oh I hope he isn't too embarrassed.” Holly said, looking after him with a worried look on her face.. Bifur shook his head and patted her hand again.

“He's fine. Not a person in this group that doesn't know the story.” Bofur chuckled.

“What story?” Kili asked flopping on the ground where Bombur had been sitting.

“Not the one with the fishing pole and the angry pig?” Fili asked, looking at the retreating Bombur's back.

“The same.” Bofur confirmed.

“That was a good one!” Kili burst in to laughter and Fili winked at Holly, “I heard his skin wasn't the same for weeks!”

“It wasn't!” Bofur grinned.

They dissolved in to another round of laughter. 

“What about you, eh lass? Any good stories? You said you have three brothers. Must have been a troublesome lot.” Bofur asked after the laughter died down.

Put on the spot, Holly froze.

Nervously she tucked a piece of hair back under her bandana and began to ramble, “Well, one is 14 years younger than me, he's still too young to have gotten in too much trouble, and he's a real sweet-heart. My eldest brother never got in to trouble...my twin brother and I were the trouble makers.” She admitted.

“You have a twin?” Fili asked, looking impressed. “Wait, how old is your youngest brother?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

Holly clenched her fists a bit but replied, “Ten, and he's...well he never gets in trouble, he's really a good kid.” She trailed off and then before anyone could ask her anything else began speaking hurriedly, “But there was this one time Richard and I...”

Holly told the story of how she and her twin brother had ended up accidentally ruining Thanksgiving when they were kids. It hadn't seemed funny at the time, but in hindsight it was actually pretty entertaining how nothing had gone right that day. Burned turkey, desert smashed all over the floor, the dog eating the side dishes when Richard had forgotten to push all the chairs in at the table...

She'd told the story plenty of times before...and that was the point. She didn't have to work much to tell it. The words and gestures came easily. Her mind meanwhile, was whirling.

She didn't know how to explain how Charlie was in the Autism spectrum, and honestly didn't have a mean bone in his body. She really missed her baby brother. She'd never again see his crooked smile or hear him tell her he loved her. Richard and her had always had a rocky relationship...but it had been getting better recently. They always fought, but it had been less heated and more joking since she had gone off to school. She hadn't seen Alex much at all. Just at holidays and in the summer. He lived and worked in another state with his girlfriend. She missed him, even when he could be overbearing at times. 

She hadn't given so much thought about her siblings in a long time. Alarmingly, she felt herself begin to tear up again as the story came to the end. She had gotten some laughs and chuckles, despite having to explain the holiday to them. Hopefully they were distracted enough to not pay attention to her emotional state.

When she was done the story she got up quickly and muttered an excuse about needing to stretch her legs. 

When she was gone Kili whistled. “I'm not the youngest after all!” Fili frowned and smacked his brother in the shoulder, “Men don't age the same way we do, remember?”

Bofur frowned at both of them, “Don't go giving Miss Holly trouble,” he warned, “I don't know if what Gandalf said was true, but she seems like a fine lass to me. Keep it to yourselves.” Both the young princes nodded and gave their word before leaving again.

It was well known that they were trouble makers, but Bofur knew they weren't malicious. Still, the wrong words in the wrong ears could make it hard on the lass. She did seem rather troubled. Oh she hid it well, but he knew the trace of sorrow in her voice. She had been fair near tears when she'd left.

He pulled out his pipe and lit it, smoking thoughtfully. He was quite shocked himself at her age! Why, he wondered, did her family let her be so far from home? She was vague on the details, but she wasn't from the usual lands of men. The Wizard was no better. There was something fishy going on, by Mahal!

He raised an eyebrow when the Captain of the Guard sat next to him with a thump, and his brother along with him. He raised his pipe in greeting.

“Miss Holly...is a strange one, is she not?” Dwalin began, pulling his axe off his shoulder and inspecting the blade.

“Oh aye.” Bofur agreed warily.

“We suspect,” Balin looked over his shoulder to check that nobody was within earshot, “that Gandalf is not being forthcoming about her.”

Bofur snorted, “Of course he isn't. Got his own plans.” He blew a puff of smoke out, “What do you want to hear from me?” he asked bluntly.

“What have you noticed about her?” Balin asked seriously.

 

* * *

 

There really wasn't anywhere for Holly to retreat to. She didn't want to get lost, so she didn't go far. Just in to the copse of trees at the end of the field.

 Once there, she allowed her tears to fall. She buried her face in her hands and wept. With her shoulders heaving, she sat down on the roots of one tree and tried to get ahold of herself.

 “Is our journey so doomed that you weep so?” A voice asked.

Holly snapped her head up to find Thorin regarding her from a little distance away. Despite the embarrassment she felt at being caught, she still could not stem her tears.

“I-it's not that!” She exclaimed, hiccuping and wiping her face on her sleeve. When he didn't say anything she stood up and turned away, unable to bear his gaze.

“You wouldn't understand!”

Thorin sighed and shifted uncomfortably. Crying women were not something he dealt with well. Dis had never let him see her cry. She was much stronger than most, and held her sorrow close to her heart.

He knew some of what was bothering her. It was a dilemma, and one he hadn't chosen to share with any of the others yet.

She didn't look very magical. Standing before him, grass stains on her clothing, and her face red and puffy.

“Despite what you think, Gandalf has informed me of your situation.” He told her, stepping closer.

She turned back to face him.

“You could have refused.” He pointed out, with a frown.

“Shows what you know...” she muttered darkly, peaking his interest, “I've lost e-everything. I can't return.” She informed him, needing to tell somebody. If anyone deserved to know a little of what she was going through, he did. She might not be able to warn him of everything, but in this she couldn't help but feel trapped. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn't want be the only one besides Gandalf to know the truth. She was still angry with him, and didn't altogether trust him.

Thorin sharply drew in a breath at that. The wizard had not told him _that_. It explained much about her behavior. About Dwalin's observations. She was grieving. His own heart gave a twinge at that, even as he forced himself to think critically and reevaluate.

“Then it really is you who needs _us_ more than we need _you_.” He said harshly before he'd thought about it. Anger rose at the wizard, and pity for the woman as well. As leader of the company Gandalf had forced him in to an awkward position. He was responsible, whether he denied it or not, for everyone's wellbeing. Obviously, this woman was without proper guardianship and far from those who could help her.

“Y-you just don't like that I'm a w-woman!” She snapped.

“Do you truly believe that?” he asked somewhat in surprise, taken aback by her vehemence. His tone had her paying attention to him again, though she glowered at him most unpleasantly.

“The only reason my own sister is not amongst us is because she was needed to take care of affairs here.” Thorin informed her, his face softening somewhat.

“Oh.” Holly said softly, rubbing away the last of her tears. “Sorry.”

He paused before speaking again, “You're sure you cannot return to wherever you hail from? You have no kin to care for you?” The words were bitter in his mouth, but he had to know.

She shook her head, “I-it's impossible. I-I can't tell you why,” here she looked apologetic, “B-but I can n-ne-never go home. Gandalf yanked me away from all that. I have nothing!” She looked defeated at that, and he couldn't doubt the truth of her words.

“You are entitled to an equal share of whatever we recover from Erebor.” Thorin told her, resigning himself to what he must do next, “And as the leader of this company, I pledge that I will not abandon you after our journey's conclusion. I will see that you're well cared for.” 

Holly didn't quite know what to say to that. She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment but then protested, “No! You can't do that. You didn't a-ask for me as a burden. I will help you. I will do my part, but I don't need looking after...” She said firmly.

Thorin scowled, becoming obviously irritated, “You would spurn my help when you have nothing? You doubt my honor?” He said so coldly that Holly flinched.

“No! I...look, I'm not used to being looked after. I'm an independent adult where I'm from.” She pleaded with him.

He was still frowning, his fingers beat a sharp rhythm on his leather belt.

“But you are here now.” He pointed out cruelly, “I cannot in good conscience do anything less.” 

She felt his words like a stab to her chest. She knew she wasn't in Kansas anymore to speak, and cold reality reminded her that she would need help in this world. A world she knew next to nothing about. 

“A-alright.” Holly bowed her head. She didn't know the proper way to accept, or to show gratitude.

Instead she knelt before him and kept her gaze on the ground. She was just a little shorter than him doing so, and she addressed his boots as she began to speak again. “I don't know how to say thank you. I apologize...I-I don't understand everything, but I appreciate what you wish to do for me...so thank you.”

Thorin frowned at her bent head, but reached out to tilt her chin up to look her in the eyes, “I expect you will do your part. Don't make me regret my decision.” He warned, holding her gaze some time longer before releasing her and abruptly leaving. 

Holly remained there for several minutes, unable to get to her feet. His cold words weren't heartening, but she felt now like she understood him a bit better. He only wanted what was best for his people...she was an inconvenience at best, and a terrible burden at worst. He was cruel out of necessity, not malevolence.

She took a deep breath, her eyes now dry, and rose to her feet. She brushed the leaves and bits of grass that clung to them and started walking back. Beyond the few trees she could see where the company looked to be mounting the ponies.

It was time to go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> On language: Oh I really had to think hard on this one. But I finally decided on a middle ground. Westron, or the common tongue isn't actually English, so Holly shouldn't be able to go back and time and speak/understand the local lingo. So my compromise is that she magically can speak, due to her circumstances of being spelled back in time, but some things won't translate. Ryhmes being a prime example.
> 
> Now you see what I meant about honor and responsibility from the last chapter? I had this scene in my mind for awhile, and it decided to play out earlier rather than later. Gandalf really isn't doing well by her. He is many great things, but he isn't a character that struck me as being good with the mundane details of life, or of being able or willing to really provide for another. Thorin of course would step up to the plate.
> 
> On hair: I think dwarves are concerned quite a bit with their hair. I do think Holly's hair would be something strange to them. I visualize her with a pixie cut.
> 
> On age: I'm sure the dwarves wouldn't be completely taken aback by her age. She is an adult, obviously, and they would probably know do to their dealings with people that humans don't age the same. Dwarves live on average around 250 years I believe. Humans in that time period would most likely live until their fifties-sixties, the exceptions being the Dunedain. You can do the math and figure out Holly's age for yourself.
> 
> I googled whether adults could ride ponies, because I doubt there would be many horses in the Shire as Hobbits are too small for them. Apparently adults can ride ponies, and so I chose and described a slightly taller bigger breed for Holly to ride. I've never ridden a horse ever, and I think when I was small I panicked being put on a pony's back at a fair because I was scared of the height. I do have quite a few friends who do animal science and have to take care of horses or cows as part of their degree at my University. My descriptions of the animals will be based on what they've told me and other things I've read. Please excuse me if I get the details wrong.


	6. Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A few nice people commented on this recently and it reminded me that I had a chapter I never posted. I am still writing this haha, it was just a very crazy year for me. Lots of good and bad things happened. Well anyway, I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the continued support :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm so broke that I wish I really did own the Hobbit, but I don't. I make no money from this work of fanfiction. I do this solely for my own entertainment and the entertainment of others
> 
> “Uncertainty is the essence of life and it fuels opportunity”  
> -Tina Seelig

“You left quite a bit out of your tale about the woman.” Thorin said accusingly to Gandalf, the moment he strode up to him. The infuriating old man simply readjusted a strap on his horse's saddle, leaving Thorin to stew in his own anger for a moment before acknowledging his presence.

 “I did. For a good reason.” He finally said, his dark eyes serious. “I suppose she has seen fit to tell you part of it.”

 “You lack honor. Pulling a woman far from her home and kin.” Thorin scowled, “I have pledged to see to her wellbeing. I hope the both of you won't make me regret the decision.” He added darkly.

“You won't Thorin Oakenshield. There is a reason for her presence here. I called and she was the answer. You may rely on her worthiness.” Gandalf's voice was firm, and left Thorin feeling off center. He didn't like the situation. He didn't like not knowing what her purpose was, or what her talents were. He really disliked being forced in to his pledge by the meddling of the grey wizard!

Thorin narrowed his eyes, “I would curse you but that I need your help. Do not cross me again wizard.”

“Oh I'm sure I shall,” Gandalf replied cheerfully, “Now I must retrieve our burglar!” He quickly mounted the horse and then was gone before Thorin could think of anything else to say.

Thorin stalked away to his own pony then and mounted the beast quickly. His men saw his dark mood written on his face and quickly jumped to their feet and started to mount their own animals. He sharply reprimanded Kili for fooling around, causing both his nephews to look like wounded puppies.

He really wished that he could have barred them from coming. They truly out of all the rest of the company knew nothing of the world. They were young, and though brave and strong, were foolish. Dis would have his hide if harm befell them. She nearly had his hide anyway, he thought, his mouth quirking at the corner. She had not been well pleased with both her sons gallivanting off on a quest to relieve the dragon of some of his stolen gold.

Thorin had spoken truly about her intention to join them. It was all he could to to convince her it was in their people's best interests to stay behind. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the woman mounting her own animal somewhat clumsily. She looked so uncertain on top of the animal, but never did a plea for help cross her lips. Dwalin might be right; the woman seemed to have enough determination to light a candle at ten paces.

The pony shifted beneath him nervously, and he pulled the animal's head about, his mind on the other strange member of his company. He was annoyed that the burglar hadn't shown yet. Gandalf too was still missing. There was a pool going that he wouldn't show at all. He scowled down at the pony's mane and then gave the order to move out. They couldn't wait on the pleasure of hobbits any longer.

* * *

 

Holly was sitting uncomfortably on top of her pony. It was harder to mount it then she'd thought! It took a tricky bit of balancing to do so. She was very lucky her pony hadn't moved while she was awkwardly scrambling aboard.

But how to get her to move now? She surreptitiously checked out what the others were doing and followed suit, nudging her pony with her feet. She nearly fell off at the first step. She felt unbalanced and very strange, and her hands were clenched in a death grip on the pommel of the saddle. 

Luckily, her pony seemed content to follow the rest of the group and she didn't have to try and steer. Riding wasn't anything like she had imagined. You actually had to work to keep your balance and your legs were stretched in weird and uncomfortable ways. At least she wasn't _that_ far off the ground. Holly wasn't afraid of heights, however the way the pony swayed back and forth made her nervous she'd slip and fall off. 

She soon stopped concentrating so hard on not falling when it became clear that the animal she sat upon wasn't going to behave badly. Holly's hands loosened and she chanced a look around and started paying attention to the goings on around her.

The dwarves were all muttering on the absence of Bilbo. Most seemed to be of the opinion that he was too soft a fellow to be along. She had the impression they also thought this somewhat of her, but nobody said anything within her earshot about it. She listened absently while also looking around at the passing hobbits.

 Most of the hobbits ignored them while others shot them suspicious looks. Mostly they seemed to be about various errands, and a few were out working gardens and such. She espied some little curly haired hobbit children hiding behind a bush looking at them curiously and had to repress a squeal. They were so cute! She had always had a fondness for children, and hobbits with their curly hair, red cheeks, and sweet faces were so adorable to her. She winked at the bush as they passed by and giggled softly when the peering faces ducked further in to the shadows.

 Soon though, they were crossing over another bridge and leaving the busier parts of Hobbiton. The further they got, the less hobbits they saw going about their business. Instead beautiful rolling hills dotted with flowers and sweetly smelling grass greeted her eyes.

 Holly had been lost in her own musings long enough that she had lost track of the conversations around her when someone finally addressed her.

 “What do you think?” Bombur asked her, pulling his pony up alongside her own. Holly startled a bit, since she hadn't expected being spoken too.

“About the burglar? Do you think he'll show?” He clarified patiently when it became clear she hadn't been paying attention to the debate the dwarves had been caught up in.

 “Oh I'm sure he'll be here in a-” Holly began without thinking, then stopped and blushed, going on hurriedly “I mean...I don't really know,” she stumbled over her words, “I didn't really get to talk to him much yesterday.” She shrugged carelessly, though her heart was pounding. She really had to work on not slipping up. The look Bombur gave her, and the one he exchanged with Bifur who rode just behind them, told her she hadn't succeeded.

 “Hmm. Well, seems like I made a good bet!” Bombur said cheerfully after a moment. He winked at her and fell behind a bit while she inwardly cursed at her slip. Ahead of her another dwarf swore.

 “No no! You can't take it back! Bets are all in!” Gloin said crossly and little ways ahead of her to Nori. She closed her eyes in embarrassment. Whoops. Okay, Bilbo coming along was a minor thing, but she really needed to work on keeping things to herself.

 But her job was supposed to be like a seer or something right? Letting slip stuff like this was probably good in keeping up that appearance...oh it made her head spin to try and work it all out! All the girls in fanfiction seemed to have a plan, and she barely had half of one! And now she was comparing herself to _fanfiction_ characters! Oh god...Holly rubbed her face in exasperation.

 To most of the company's disgruntlement, Bilbo turned up not long after that, pounding up the lane, calling out to them, and quite out of breath.

 “I'm terribly sorry!” Bilbo huffed, his curly hair in disarray. He then made a few laments for leaving things behind, including his pocket handkerchief. Holly smiled at that and couldn't keep a grin off her face as Dwalin fished out a spare cloak and hood for Bilbo.

 The green clothing fairly swallowed the poor guy, and he looked very out of place perched on the smallest pony in the group. Gandalf caught up with them not long after with Bilbo's things. The poor hobbit looked so grateful for his pipe, handkerchiefs, and pipe weed that Holly had to look away from him for fear of breaking out in to laughter.

It was then that someone began singing. Who it was she wasn't sure, but soon plenty of the group joined in. They all had pleasant voices, and Holly enjoyed the songs even though she didn't know the words. Most were travel songs, or ballads that seemed well known to the group. Even Bilbo seemed to enjoy them, when he wasn't caught in a sneezing fit.

 The rest of the first day was leisurely as they made some stops for eating and resting. The road was well tread and the people on it mostly friendly. Occasionally they'd run in to another dwarf who they'd trade pleasantries with, before each going about their own business. The hobbits seemed to avoid them, and if they noticed Bilbo they looked dumbstruck to see a hobbit among the company. She also got plenty of curious looks.

 At the end of the day she was surprised to find they would be staying at an inn. Not the same one she had stayed at with Gandalf and Dwalin, to her disappointment. They had gone far past it already, having made better time on the ponies.

Most of the group would bed down in the stables in a few empty stalls. Only those that could afford it or were sufficiently important would be getting a room. She assumed she'd be sleeping outside as well.

 Getting off the pony turned out to be more of a problem than anticipated. She'd gotten a little more used to it as they had stopped a few times and she had to get off and on the animal. Her pony was very mild tempered, to her relief. It seemed to know when to stand still and she didn't really have to work on steering her. However her legs and thighs were on fire after having the workout they did. Her butt also hurt. Actually she was basically one whole ache from head to toe.

 This caused her to move rather clumsily and her ankle to give out beneath her when she landed on it a bit too hard from sliding off the pony. She stumbled and fell hard on her ass, jarring her elbow against the ground and nearly got stepped on by another pony. A rough hand yanked her up by her flailing arm. Nori scowled up at her and released her arm soon as she was back on her feet, pushing roughly past her.

 “Sorry!” She called after him, rubbing her arm and leaning wearily back against her pony. Her ankle felt a bit sore, but otherwise fine. She gingerly tested it again and winced. Okay maybe not fine, but it would probably be alright in the morning.

 God, she wasn't usually this clumsy! She had tripped and fallen over more in the past few days than she had in the last six months! She wryly realized it was probably because she was so physically worn out. All the walking, riding, and hauling stuff had really tired her out and had also consequently shot her reactions and nerves all to hell.

She helped remove everything from the ponies again, but there was a stable hand who deftly took control after that. The bags were piled in to the last two spare stalls and someone left to guard over the, as the rest of them headed back outside and towards the front of the inn. She followed them wearily, trying not to show how much pain she was in. She still hadn't recovered from the exertions of the last few days, and the trembling in her arms was worse again.

 Inside food was bought and she happily collapsed on to a bench next to Ori and ate whatever was placed in front of her. Once she was finished she pushed it away from her and lay her head down. She only meant to close her eyes for a second but before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.

The woman's soft breathing was barely audible over the noise at the Inn however Thorin still found something about it unbearably irritating. He did feel a kind of rough sympathy for her exhaustion. Though she should have known better than to fall asleep in so public a place! The fact that she hadn't complained, even when she had been visibly discomforted went a long way towards respecting her in his eyes. The halfling hadn't been so quiet about the loss of his little comforts, and even now looked highly unhappy to be sitting next to a crowd of his kin.

 She was safe enough for now, surrounded by Ori on one side, Nori across from her, and Bofur on her other side. Bofur in particular seemed to have taken a shine to the lass. He had been keeping an ostentatious eye on her. As had Dwalin, but Thorin rather thought that was more because the lass puzzled him greatly. Indeed, his observations did not add up in a way that made Thorin easy with her in their midst.

With that thought, he narrowed his eyes briefly at the wizard sitting down the bench a ways from him. He was still cross with Gandalf. But he had other things to worry about. The burglar and the woman would have to be put aside in favor of the other things preoccupying his mind.

* * *

 

She was awoken by a gentle shaking and she immediately groaned and sat up stiffly. Sleeping at the table had not improved the state of her aching limbs. She identified Bilbo as the culprit, to her surprise. He seemed apologetic as he gestured to where she could see a few of the dwarves heading back outside in the dark. “They're off to bed, and I think we should seek our own.” He told her. Holly nodded, “Thanks for waking me up.” She said. Her neck hurt from lying her head down and she rubbed it while getting to her feet with a wince.

 She started to head out the door, already dreading sleeping in the stables, but before she had gotten more than a few steps Bilbo called after her, “Oh no Miss Holly! Thorin said you'd be sleeping inside!”

 She frowned a bit, wondering why he had bothered, but in the end she was too tired to make a fuss over it. She turned around and nodded at Bilbo, and followed an impatient looking servant who led Bilbo first to a room on the first floor and then her to another room.

 It had a latch, which she was grateful for, and the bed seemed clean. Besides that, it had no window, no fireplace, and only a small table next to the bed. She didn't care though, tired and in pain as she was. Her ankle had flared up the moment she rose from the bench and she was happy to prop it up on the bed. Her bag was still out in the stable and she didn't feel like retrieving it so she simply let the fuzzines of sleep take over when she collapsed on the bed.

She fell asleep again rather quickly. In fact, Holly slept so deeply and so well that she didn't at first hear the knocking on her door in the morning at first. She floated in that funny place between sleep and awareness until she realized with a start that she was definitely _not_ dreaming that someone was threatening to knock down her door if she didn't answer it.

She jumped up in a hurry, her body protesting the sudden movement, and flung open the door just as Gloin's fist was about to come back down on it. He was scowling at her fiercely.

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'll be right out, I promise.” She said, scrubbing at her face and trying to get her brain moving.

 Gloin 'harrumphed' and then said, “Hurry up lass. We're going to be leaving in an hour.” Holly nodded in acknowledgment and he left.

 Her room was so very dark without a window so she left the door ajar as she located a jar of water, towel, and basin on the night stand. The water smelled musty but it helped wake her up as she splashed her face. She double checked the room to make sure she hadn't left anything and discovered her handkerchief once again in the bed. She sighed and tied it back on her head. She still felt gross, with dust and sweat still clinging to her skin from the day before, but she'd make the best of it.

 Her ankle was stiff, but not painful to put weight upon. The rest of her ached, but she figured some of the ache would go away when she moved around and warmed her muscles up.

 The way back to the main room was easy enough to find, since it had plenty of voices in it. She spotted Bilbo sitting at a table with a few of the others eating breakfast. She plodded over and snagged some food that the others had left on the table.

 “Would you care for some tea? None of the others really wanted any, but it makes it so much easier to wake up in the morning.” Bilbo said sympathetically, pushing a pot and mug towards her. “Thanks,” Holly said, pouring it out, “I'm not sure how I'm going to survive without caffeine.” The tea wasn't super hot, so she drank it steadily from the mug until it was gone, already feeling more awake.

 “Caff-een?” Bilbo asked, while she put some butter on a roll of bread. Holly shrugged, “It's the stuff that makes you wake up in tea and coffee. Some plants and other foods like chocolate, also contain caffeine. It's good for you in small doses, but having too much can interfere with sleep.”

 The hobbit blinked, “Oh. I didn't know that.” Holly shrugged, and bit in to her roll.

 She'd only just started on some cheese when Gandalf appeared, “Holly! I had hoped you would have been up a little earlier, but you must hurry now if you wish to get the things you need.” Holly winced.

“I don't have any money...and even if I did, I don't know the local currency.” She said quietly. Gandalf waved off her concerns, “I have a little money here for you,” he handed over a small bag that clinked a bit to her. “Unfortunately I cannot accompany you, I have business of my own to attend to.” Holly opened her mouth to protest, but to her surprise, Bilbo, leaned forward, “I can go with you Miss Holly,” he shot a look at Gandalf, “Since the wizard is otherwise occupied.”

 “Oh. Thank you Bilbo.” Holly said, rather surprised. Gandalf was already swiftly disappearing through a group of people standing up from their own breakfasts at another table.”Jerk.” she muttered and then quickly finished her slice of cheese and fruit. She was a little hurt the wizard was going back on his promise to her to take care of her.

 Bilbo was already rising to his feet, so she handed the hobbit the purse as she stood. She brushed a few crumbs from her shirt and checked her hair again. She gulped the last of her tea and hastily set it down again while Bilbo waited patiently.

 “Better you hang on to it,” Holly nodded to the purse she'd shoved in his hands, “ I wasn't exaggerating earlier.” He accepted her words with a nod. “Let us go then. I doubt we will have much time before we have to be off.” Bilbo said, navigating the crowd, with Holly following after him, “What all is it that you need to buy?” Holly thought quickly, “Er, a comb, some soap, a knife, some...women stuff,” she said with a blush. Bilbo also blushed a little but quickly recovered and nodded matter of factly. “Well I've been through here once or twice before. We'll have everything you need in no time.”

 It turned out that Holly was very glad to have him along. He knew about where everything was and he helped her select a bar of soap and a little box to put it in, a sturdy wooden comb, and bought her some cloth for “womanly concerns”. She grimaced at that. She was not looking forward to having her period and then running out of tampons and pads. She always had a few tucked in her backpack, so she had enough for the first time, if she stretched it. If it wasn't a heavy period...But after that she was going to have to figure out how to make do with cloth.

 The knife was a lot harder to find, and it cost the most. It was a decent if a bit plain blade, more of a dagger actually, and had a wood and leather sheath. She also bought a belt and buckle to attach it to. After that she had everything she needed.

“Thank you. I really needed some help and I appreciate you stepping up for me.” She said to Bilbo, while clutching her purchases. He smiled at her warmly and patted her hand, “Not at all my dear. It was no trouble, and now I've got a more comfortable amount of pipe weed and a few other things I needed besides.”

He handed her back the purse which still had a little money in it. She tucked it in her pocket, fully intending to keep it. Gandalf had more than once had failed to help her out, and she was more than a bit annoyed and angry with him. Keeping the bit of money he had handed was just a small, if immature, way to get back at him. Oh, she would give it back if he asked, but she was not about go reminding him of it either.

She smiled down at Bilbo, who had been very kind to her so far. It amused her more than a little that he acted so...well not fatherly exactly, but a little like an uncle towards her. To be honest, it was nice to receive a bit of warmth after...well after everything. She had to take a breath to control the rising tears again. She avoided Bilbo's gaze and said, “Well we don't want those grumpy dwarves to keep waiting, do we?” and started walking. Bilbo frowned and followed her, “No indeed,” he said to himself with a frown.

Together they walked back to the inn. Outside the ponies were all ready loaded up and the dwarves were mounting them. Bilbo looked decidedly unhappy about having to get back on a pony. Holly agreed with him.

She hurried to get on her's though, first hurriedly slipping her purchases in her bag. Thorin was watching her with narrowed eyes, and she didn't feel like getting into another confrontation with him right now, so she sped up her movements. It reminded her how sore she still was, and she winced as she pulled her leg over the pony and the movement stretched sore muscles. Then they were off. 

* * *

 

It was a a lot warmer the second day out and Holly was happy to shed her hoodie and stick with a t-shirt, though it did get her some interesting looks. She didn't care about other's opinions in regards to how she dressed though. She was already in pain and uncomfortable, and if she could regain some comfort, she was more than happy to put up with passing hobbits' consternation and the dwarves' sidelong looks.

Bilbo had fallen a bit behind, and nobody else seemed to inclined to chat with her right then. Someone struck up another tune and a few others hummed or sang along. Her pony (who she realized was still in need of a name) needed little to no guidance from her.

In other words, she had little to occupy her mind, and her anxieties and fears began to rise to the surface again. What was she doing here really? It was all a sham. She didn't really belong among the dwarves. This quest was epic, world-changing, amazing...and further from her reach than her home.

She worried her lower lip with her teeth until it bled and she was forced to suck on it to stem the flow. The sweet iron-y taste of it made her feel sick to her stomach.

Dwalin was the first to realize that Holly was feeling poorly, but he didn't know how to ease the woman's worries. She was obviously deep in thought; she hadn't even noticed him as his pony drew next to her's. Her eyes were glazed and seemed to look far away and something unnameable stirred in their depths. It gave him a chill 

Whether or not she was a witch, as the others were still debating, did not matter to him. She _was_ different, as he had noticed long before the rest. It would not bother him normally, but for the uncertainty of it all. He disliked Gandalf for the same reason. What was the point of magic if it wasn't used in a practical and tangible way?

 He huffed and pulled a little more ahead of her to shake off the feeling of unease. Time would tell how she would fit in and how she might help. He was inclined to like her, if only because she was no shrinking violet. He had noticed her pain and stiff ankle. She didn't complain at _all_ , let alone half as much as the others did. It was an odd thing, but he realized that she was a very self-reliant sort of person.

 Bofur had given his own observations along the same lines. Balin thought she'd be alright. For sure they had more confidence in her than the halfling. It was interesting though that Thorin had made it clear she was under his protection, when Bilbo wasn't. He had seen her go off into the trees, and Thorin storm out awhile after in a foul temper.

Thorin was keeping something about her to himself for now. He had quietly given orders to leave the lass be or suffer the consequences. It had caused more than a few raised eyebrows, but all anyone could do was sit back and observe.

  _He likes her attitude too, I think._ Dwalin thought to himself when Thorin called for a brief halt. The first thing his eyes had flickered too while getting off his pony had been the lady.

* * *

 

Holly winced while getting down from her pony, wincing while she stretched her legs, arms, and back. After things had settled back in a series of satisfying pops and cracks, she turned to face her pony.

 “You need a name,” she informed the creature solemnly, while it shook its mane. She rubbed the soft nose a bit and pondered what to call her.

 “What do you name a pony?” She wondered out loud.

“Flower names are popular in the Shire.” Bilbo said from a few feet away, patting his own pony and feeding it a slice of apple.

“What ever you like.” Bombur shrugged, from a ways ahead.

 “Well I don't think I could name her Hellsbane,” Holly replied with a pout. Her comment surprised a few chuckles out of the nearby dwarves and a smirk from Nori. Dori choked on a drink of water.

“Or Whinney.” Holly sighed, then muttered, “What other literary horses are there? Black Beauty? Misty? Flicka? Epona sounds too high and mighty.” The pony placidly blinked at her as she continued to rub the mare's nose. Her ears though were pointed towards Holly, as if listening intently.

“Clara.” Holly said, with a nod. “I had a great Aunt Clara who trained a trick pony once. Do you like it?” she asked the pony, who whuffed at her.

 Holly smiled and then left Clara in the hands of Kili. They had just pulled off the road a ways, so as to not block any traffic.

It was a bright sunny day and pleasantly warm. So she decided to have a little nap. The grass was very soft, and the smell of it was familiar enough. If she closed her eyes, she could almost believe she was home...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> I love Gandalf. He can get away with being annoying to really important people. I also love all the dwarves, and I'll be trying to give them all attention and not focus on a particular few. I do think Kili and Fili, because they're young and mischievous, would be most likely to be open and friendly to Holly, but they won't be her 'best friends forever' right away like in so many stories.
> 
> For now only Thorin knows the truth about Holly (some of it). He knows she was the answer to a spell, and that the Valar sent her from a very distant place. Foresight, from what I can tell in canon, is rare but not unheard of in Middle Earth. It is not supposed to be a talent that is concrete in the way it works, so he won't be demanding answers from Holly because he doesn't think she knows. In his understanding, she is supposed to speak up and warn them if she 'sees' something.
> 
> The dwarves all think she's some kind of witch, a minor one. This is mostly because of her looks. Think about it, a young woman with short hair, in jeans, and wearing a purple hoodie would seem really strange and outlandish to them. Just as Gandalf stands out, so does Holly, which makes her a bit otherworldly. Also her foresight would make her fall in to this category. Galadriel and Arwen would also be considered 'witches' because of their talents, at least by the dwarves.


	7. Downward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know it’s been a few months but you wonderful readers keep commenting and faving, and I recently had some time to sit down and bang another chapter out. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit and write this work on fanfiction for pleasure not profit.
> 
> \---  
> “To travel is to take a journey into yourself”  
> -Danny Kaye

Holly woke when someone shook her shoulder and handed her some lunch. She had been so tired she had forgotten she was also _hungry_. The bread, cheese, and apple given her were more than welcome.

 She’d seen some of the food supplies as they had been packed, and there was still plenty of fresh stuff as it was only the second day on their journey. The bulk of the food was mostly dried and preserved fare. She was going to miss fresh fruit soon enough, she thought wistfully as she bit into the apple.

 Getting back on Clara was an ordeal. She was so stiff and uncomfortable. Even her backside hurt! However she just grit her teeth and got on with it.

 They had months of travel to reach the Lonely Mountain. If she remembered correctly it would take a little over a month to get to Rivendell and most of that would be traveling through Eregion, which had long been abandoned and left to ruins. The Lone Lands.

 The dwarves were in high spirits, being far more used to traveling than she. Even the weather was beautiful and balmy. It was early May and just about as nice as someone could have asked for traveling long distances.

 She didn’t talk much to anyone the rest of the day. She was tired and in pain and therefore grumpy. There wasn’t much to occupy her mind except to brood, and she was half bored out of her mind. While listening to her companion’s singing was nice, she missed her mp3 player and massive music library. She missed her electronic books, and above all she missed social media more than she had thought possible.

 She blinked back tears, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden with homesickness. She missed her mother. She missed her friends. Her phone was nothing so much as a useless lump of plastic and metal now, but she had used it for so much and her hands still itched to pull it out and play with it.

They continued on for several more hours, until the light began to fade from the sky. They were still in relatively nice country with a higher population, but they decided to push past the inn they had passed and go a little further and so ended up camping by the side of the road. There was a very small stream and a copse of trees that offered both comfort and cover where they stopped.

 Holly climbed off of Clara and happily handed the reins to Fili. The two brothers were in charge of the animals, though everyone was expected to pitch a hand in to help with various tasks.

 A latrine pit was dug a suitable distance for privacy away; some others went to gather firewood and start a fire. Bombur presided over the cooking and distributing rations. The ponies had to be unloaded and fed and watered.  A watch list was announced too, and she noticed neither she nor Bilbo were put on it. She might have protested, except she didn’t much fancy staying up and scaring herself half to death with imagining what might be prowling in the dark.

 She helped with all of the tasks that needed doing until Dori grasped her firmly by the arm and steered her towards a log placed by the fire. He told her to sit down and turned an ostentatious eye over Ori (who had been scribbling away in a book)  and remarked that there were enough hands to go around and she had done enough. Ori had blushed and leapt to his feet, rushing to help, while Holly gratefully took a seat.

 Her arms were trembling again, so she spent some time stretching out her tired aching muscles. She hadn’t realized she’d drawn any attention until Oin approached her and offered her a balm to help treat her abused muscles and then chided her on not asking him earlier.

 “I don’t want to be a bother.” She said, taking the jar from him. “You’ll be more of a bother if you do yourself an injury by not taking care of yourself.” he grumbled in reply at her. She sniffed it warily, but only detected camphor, and menthol; two ingredients she knew were still used in treatments in her time. She left to find some privacy to apply it. It even felt like muscle creams, changing from icy to hot as she applied it to her back and legs.

 “Keep it. I have more.” Oin said when she tried to give it back. “Thanks Oin. I appreciate it.” Holly said, causing the old dwarf to bluster and pat her on the arm, gruff but not unkind.

 The relief from the balm was more than enough to make her sleepy, so she dozed off for a time by the fire, basking in the warmth. She only perked up again when stew was served and someone brought out ale to be shared around. She soaked up what was left of the broth with slightly stale bread. The alcohol provided a pleasant buzz in the background.

 The dwarves were cajoling Bilbo for a song, to which the hobbit acquiesced and sang for them. Holly listened for a time, nursing her ale, but finally decided that she was not in the mood to sit around and try to be sociable.

 She hadn’t picked a spot to settle for the night so she did so now. It was not too far away, but it was at a little remove from the dwarves. She was keenly feeling her femininity surrounded by so many males and wanted a little space.

 As she unpacked, she realized there more things she wished she had bought at the last town. This was the first night that she had to sleep on the ground, and she didn’t have a blanket or sleeping pad.

 It was warm enough for now, and she had brought her winter jacket with her so she had something to lie on besides the direct ground, but she knew that she’d want something better when they left grassier areas. Some of the dwarves, and Bilbo, only had a cloak to roll up in, so she wasn’t the only one. She hoped they’d stop somewhere soon, she still had little money left and she could probably afford the items she’d need.

 She was feeling rather gross though, and while she laid her things out it occurred to her how messy and dirty her hair had become, and she had dirt on her hands. Holly was a modern girl and didn’t like being unclean at all, though it hardly seemed to bother the rest of the group. She didn’t want to go to bed with wet hair though, which meant if she was going to wash up, she’d have to stay up a bit later.

 She sighed, but got a change of clothes from her backpack and her soap and other bathing items. After a moment of hesitation, she kept the dagger on her belt. She would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. She wondered briefly if she should tell anyone where she was off to, but she decided in the end not; she had seen plenty of the others wander off on their own without a word to anybody else. She was an adult, not a little kid.

 Holly walked along the stream until the noise from the company faded. It wasn’t very deep, the water barely came to her knees at the deepest point, so she only stripped down to her underwear. She didn’t want to unclothe completely. Washing her hair wasn’t fun with a soap that hardly lathered and didn’t smell that nice, but she made do, giving the rest of her body a quick wipe over and rinse. The water was cool and felt refreshing after such a long day.

 She then quickly changed and washed her dirty underthings. They’d probably dry overnight given how warm it was. She could keep them by her spot so the others didn’t see. She doubted she’d have much chance to do laundry on the trip, but she could probably at least keep her underwear clean.

 She combed her hair while she sat on the stream bank for a bit and watched the sun set in the distance over hills and beyond the trees. She’d hardly ever taken the time to watch the sun set in her old life. The moon was already visible and she could even see some stars before in the sky. She had had the fantastic luck to have been able to travel to a few places without light pollution, but her home on the east coast of the United States had never had such a fantastic night sky.

 Holly drew in a deep breath and savored the air. It was beautiful here. No humming of electricity, no smog in the air, no light pollution, no distant sounds of a highway or planes in the sky. It was like a whole other planet. Humans had a lot to answer for.

 Despite the state of the future and how much she liked it here, she still wished she was there. She might have absolutely adored this story as one of her absolute favorites, but she didn’t really belong here, did she? But then...if she accepted that dwarves, hobbits, and elves were real, if Gandalf was real...then that meant the Valar were real. It meant Eru was real.

 That was a terrifying thought. She turned her eyes heavenward, “Why?” she whispered. Not being very religious, she had only prayed a very few times in her life. She did so now though, clasping her hands and bowing her head.

 More tears rose to prick her eyes, but this time she let them fall. She didn’t know what to ask for, or who to ask it of, so she prayed that everything would be alright.

 Holly knew she couldn’t stay away too long, so she splashed some water on her face and forced herself to get up and walk back. The sun had just sunk below the horizon, and the fire looked so comforting in the dark.

 She spread out her damp clothes by her bag in the grass and then went back towards the fire. She felt more drained and tired than ever, but being alone seemed to make the homesickness worse.

 

* * *

 Thorin watched the woman approach and take a seat at the fire. She had gone off on her own for awhile, but in these safe lands he hadn’t worried over much. Now seeing her hair wet, he raised an eyebrow. She could have asked for a guard, for her modesty if nothing else. At least she had a dagger at her waist, though it looked like typical sub-par human work, he noted disdainfully.

 She looked sad again, but she was quickly drawn into a conversation with his nephews whose antics proceeded to make her laugh merrily.

 She wasn’t shaking and trembling anymore at least. Oin had seen to that. Dwalin had been right about her stubbornness though. She was obviously worn out, but not a word of complaint passed her lips. She had even pitched in more than needed with camp chores. That had softened some of the opinion on her around camp.

 She must have been gently born indeed though. There was no other explanation for how obviously unfamiliar she was with certain tasks and how her body was obviously not used to travel. He couldn’t claim he knew any dwarrowdams of high born birth (besides his sister) who would have acted the same. It was a contradiction.

 She would have plenty of time to toughen up before they entered the Lone Lands. He took a pull of his pipe and turned away from her. There were many other things to occupy his thoughts with. So much planning and worrying to do and he couldn’t afford to spend so much on a human woman.

 

* * *

 “Will you sing for us lass?” Gloin asked Holly, startling her out of her thoughts as she stared at the fire.

 “Oh I hardly think-” Holly sputtered before being interrupted by Ori, “Oh yes! I’d love to hear a song from your homeland.”

 She tried to protest, but pretty soon the others had chipped in with entreaties for her to sing. It wasn’t like she _couldn’t_ sing. She wasn’t trained but she knew she could at least keep a tune as long as there weren’t any ridiculously high notes or belting involved. She even knew how to play the piano and violin a bit. It was just...she honestly hadn’t thought she’d be asked and she didn’t know what would be appropriate. She cast her mind around for something suitable, and finally settled on a short song she thought would suit.

 “Okay, okay. I’ve got something.” She said, already feeling put on the spot and embarrassed. She sat up straighter and then cast her mind to the tune, playing the intro in her head. Then she opened her mouth and sang.

 The dwarves went quiet as she sung, and though her cheeks felt hot from blushing at the attention, she continued on only wavering slightly once or twice, when she had to hesitate to remember a word or two. When she finished there was silence for a moment then Balin said, “Nicely done lass.”

 “What was the context of the song?” Ori asked from beside her.

 “Oh well…” Holly trailed off. However the rest of the company had already begun returning to their own conversations and she felt less put upon to reply.

 Ori was sweet, and obviously very interested in her culture and background so she tried to answer what she could, and be vague about what she couldn’t. Soon Kili and Fili joined them and she managed to get them talking instead of her.

 Once the attention on her had been safely turned away for awhile, she casually left the fire to find her own bed. The three wished her a good night, which she returned, and then retreated from the fire.

 Wrapped up in her hoodie and on top of her jacket, with the occasional boisterous laugh and glow of the fire in the distance, she didn’t feel so scared to sleep outside as she had felt her first night in Arda. The ground was hard, but she’d found a spot with relatively few lumps and bumps and was fast asleep in hardly any time at all.

 Holly’s dreams were once again strange and unsettling, and no clearer to her memory than any day since she’d arrived in this time. However she woke with a sense of comfort and peace that surrounded her and followed her out of sleep as she slowly woke up with the rising sun.

 The first rays of light heralded a new day and Holly quickly got her things together and went to relieve herself at the latrine before the others woke. She saw Nori walking around the perimeter of camp and nodded a greeting at him, which he returned.

 The latrine was simply a hole dug in the ground behind some screening bushes with a trowel stuck in the dirt a little ways away. A small pile of leaves picked yesterday lay next to it. It didn’t smell altogether pleasant, but neither did it smell terrible. Sort of earthy. After finishing, a scoop of dirt was shoveled in over the contents which she supposed help keep the smell down. The subway back at home smelled much more terrible.

 Leaves were not her idea of toilet paper in the least, but they also weren’t as bad as she had imagined. She made sure to try and memorize their shape in case she ever needed to find some for herself.

 Once done with her business, she walked to the stream and washed her hands thoroughly. By the time she got back, most were awake and Bombur was setting out food he’d prepared the night before. She ate quickly and then went to pack her things up.

 Clara was patiently being saddled again by Kili when she approached and she watched him do it, not wanting to ask, but wanting to know how to do it herself. She tied her own backpack and saddle bags to the pony and then patted and cooed at her while the rest of the company cleared up camp and began to ready to leave. She wasn’t so sore this morning, but she stretched a bit before clambering on Clara.

 The day was clear and warm and she felt a bit brighter. The day seemed to go much faster as they traveled, and Holly was grateful when Fili told her they were stopping at another inn tonight. Likely one of the last they’d see for some time.

 This inn was smaller, and not attached to a village, though it seemed to have plenty of travelers in it. A few inquiries with the innkeeper got her a bedroll someone had left behind for a few coins.

 She spent dinner listening to the dwarves converse and occasionally trading a long suffering look with Bilbo when they got particularly loud or crude. The hobbit was a pretty quiet fellow and mostly kept to himself. Occasionally he’d chat with Gandalf, and he always had a kind word or a smile for her.

 Bilbo was so different from the character she’d imagined in her head. But then, he hadn’t undergone all the trials he’d face on this journey yet and he was still quite young. The cheeky older Bilbo she always imagined was the one from the Lord of the Rings. This Bilbo was still just middle-aged and used to living a quiet life of leisure.

 Holly felt a momentary pang of sadness. Yes he really turned out for the better on this adventure, but there would also be a lot of pain in his future. Especially if she couldn’t somehow prevent Thorin, Fili, and Kili’s demises.

 As this thought crossed her mind, she let her gaze shift across the gathering until it landed on Thorin. He was turned away discussing something quietly with Balin, a mug of ale at hand and a plate of half-eaten food before him.

 He looked tired and as if he had regularly carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Holly felt so guilty. She didn’t know if she could change anything, even if she tried. She didn’t even know where to begin, and she didn’t have anyone to really discuss it with.

 He must have sensed her eyes on him for he turned and saw her staring. Holly felt a furious blush rise to her face at having been caught and turned away to stare at the remains of her own dinner. He always looked at her as if judging her and consistently finding her wanting. Or maybe it was her own guilt that made her feel this way. For if he died like in the books, didn’t that make it her fault? Should she warn him?

 She really weighed that in her mind. Would it make a difference? He would probably still be caught by the curse, which would make it hard for him to see reason and ally with the people he needed to. Also, she didn’t know exactly when in the battle he fell. Only that he sustained fatal wounds that killed him shortly after the battle and that Fili and Kili died defending him.

 Holly rubbed her temple in frustration. Even if she did try to give him some sort of warning, she didn’t know if he’d listen or even when to give it to him. Traveling in a group meant they were rarely alone and she felt awkward approaching him anyway.

 Well, she still had time. They were going to stop in Rivendell. Maybe she could seek advice there. Or at the very least she might get to know him a little more and there would be privacy so she could speak to him.

 Once again she was given a room to herself, though this one didn’t have a latch on the door. The bed was comfier than the ground, though her pillow smelt a little funny and the sheets were slightly scratchy. Still, sleep was easier to find when you were perpetually tired, and Holly quickly fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 Travel for the next few days remained fairly pleasant. Clear skies, warm temperatures, good roads, and friendly people all combined to make the journey seem almost like a camping trip, if it weren’t for the foreshadowing of what Holly knew lay at the end of their road.

 The lone woman mostly kept to herself, though occasionally she’d sing when asked or spend some time chatting with her companions at night by the fire.

 On one such occasion Bofur finally noticed the dagger she’d gotten at the first inn they’d stopped at. “So you did take my advice! Mind if I see it?” He asked, and she shrugged and unbuckled it, handing the knife over.

 The toymaker removed the blade from the sheath and ran an eye over it, humming under his breath. He tested the edge and sighed a bit. “Not the best work, this. About as good as most men’s work, but the metal isn’t the best and it won’t hold up if you have to use it for much. Hey Nori!”

 Holly startled when Bofur resheathed and tossed the dagger at the somewhat quiet and rather taciturn dwarf in one smooth motion. He caught it and then looked over the blade himself. A sneer played about his lips and he snorted, “Not much better than a hunk of tin. But it’ll do unless we can get her something of dwarrow-made along the way.”

 He got up and walked over to her, holding it out. His eyes met her’s and she was surprised to see a hint of approval there. She reached out to take it, only for him to move it beyond reach, “Know how to use it?”

 Holly scoffed, “Stick the sharp end into whatever is trying to do me in.” Bofur guffawed loudly at that. Nori’s lips twitched up in a smirk, “Basically you’ve got the right of it, but there are a few finer details you might be better off knowing. Ride beside me tomorrow and I’ll explain a few.” Holly blinked but gave him a smile in gratitude, “Thank you.” Nori waved a hand at her, “We don’t have time to teach you how to really use it, but a little more knowledge won’t hurt.”

 The next day she spent her time listening to Nori’s tips. Eventually this devolved into him telling her stories about knife fights he’d been in. All of which were fascinating, if a bit gory. He even showed her how to hold the knife best and taught her the best areas to drive a knife into to incapacitate and kill. Bilbo went a bit green when he overheard them.

Days bled into one another, the monotony of which was only broken by the changing landscape and scenery. However soon the rolling hills, inns, farms and well traveled roads gave way to rougher country. They stopped at one more inn before they stopped passing such places. The first ruin they passed was high on a cliff that hung over the road and for some reason the sight of it twisted Holly’s stomach into knots.

 The hills rose higher on every side the further they went and tall dark trees made them seem all the more menacing. There was something about the area that made you not want to laugh as loud or smile so bright.

 The weather also took a steady downturn, devolving from warm and sunny to grey and drizzly. The damp seemed to seep into everything and made more than the company’s spirits wet and soggy.

She didn’t have a cloak, just a jacket, which only covered her top but not her legs. Inevitably by the time they stopped her pants were soaked through and she was miserable. There wasn’t much talking and even less singing now as everyone was in a bad mood with the turn in the weather. Sleeping while still damp was a new and very uncomfortable sensation for her and she was forced to sleep closer to the fire.

 Then to top it all off another problem arose for her the next day. Holly discovered her period had started overnight. She sacrificed some of her ibuprofen, not wanting to deal with being wet, bleeding, and cramps. She had only a few tampons and a few pads and they ran out in just three days. Three days over which the rain had turned into a steady downpour accompanied with by nasty winds.

 Nothing dried completely and she was forced to wad up still damp pieces of fabric in her underwear and rinse them out as often as she could. Getting a fire going was difficult in this weather so they often as not didn’t have one, and she was too embarrassed at any rate to try and dry the cloths there.

 And oh her stomach was killing her! She felt all bloated and gross on top of the general misery of traveling. She barely had an appetite and picked at any food given her. She was also feeling generally emotional, and several times she cried quietly on Clara’s back as she grew frustrated and homesick once more.

 Mud was also unavoidable, and her spirits were about as black as the stuff that clung to everything. It wasn’t helped by the dwarves complaints and Bilbo’s steady muttering about wanting to be home in his warm cozy hobbit hole.

 “To think it will soon be June!” he grumbled and Holly shot him a dark look. “The bad weather won’t last forever you know. We’re all equally miserable, but complaining won’t do anything to fix this.” She snapped, irritated beyond belief. Bilbo look affronted and spurred his pony a bit to pass her.

 Oh dear, now she’d gone and offended Bilbo. Everyone’s tempers were touchy and she was feeling just miserable enough to not want to apologize for snapping. She huffed in irritation.

 “Can’t the wizard do something about the rain?” Dori raised his voice in complaint and Holly rolled her eyes as Gandalf grumbled irritably back. That was followed by Dori again calling out, “Can’t the lady tell us when the rain will end?”

 “No I can’t!” She snapped out before she could stop herself, “I’m not the fucking weatherman,” she mumbled under her breath, tugging the hood of her jacket lower across her face. “It will end when it’s good and ready to Master dwarf! Which is more than what I say for your complaining!” Her admonishment startled a few chuckles out of the group, but earned her an unhappy look from the dwarf in question.

 She was sick and tired of all the bellyaching though, and more than ready to kill for the chance of a dry place to sleep and a hot cup of tea herself. Hearing everyone say as much out loud over and over was wearing her patience thin.

 It was hard to tell what time of day it was through the constant grey, so when it suddenly grew darker as they traveled down into a valley, they realized that they should have stopped some time ago. The wind picked up more and lashed them with rain, which came in at a slant and thoroughly wet everything.

 There was a river that rushed through the bottom of the valley and it was thunderingly loud and swollen with rain. It had turned a dark brown in color but there was an ancient stone bridge spanning it. However by the time they’d reached it and crossed over it was almost completely dark and they realized they’d need to stop for the night and try to eat. There was a clump of trees on this side of the river, which offered better shelter than nothing from the rain.

 The steady dripping of rain through the leaves followed them as they dismounted, and just as Thorin was discussing with the rest about what to do for supper, they realized Gandalf was nowhere to be found. Complaints and grumbles about the wizard now joined the chorus and everyone was snapping at each other like hungry dogs.

 Holly immediately felt her stomach drop. Was tonight the night when they would meet the trolls? That’s when Gandalf had first gone off on his own, right? But she wasn’t ready! She didn’t have a plan! She’d been so wrapped up in her discomforts that she hadn’t paid attention much to the passage of time and the clues about where they were in the journey.

 This wasn’t a circumstance that could really be avoided though. They _had_ to encounter the trolls so that Bilbo could steal the key to the troll hoard so they could find Glamdring, Orcrist, and Sting. Those swords would go on to do great things, and anyway, in the end it had all worked out well, right?

 It may have worked out well for the rest of them, but Holly knew she wasn’t in the original story. She didn’t want to get hurt, but she also couldn’t interfere yet.

 As Holly agonized over what to do, Oin and Gloin were trying, unsuccessfully, to get a fire going. It seemed that no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t seem to get one started. The wood was too wet, and the wind gusted mischievously, thwarting any progress they made and causing the two to grow more frustrated as they argued over how best to accomplish their task. Holly watched as a thin tendril of smoke was obliterated by another gust of wind.

 “Watch out!” Came a shout, and Holly looked up only to be nearly run over by a bolting pony. She just barely managed to dodge out of the way as he ran full speed towards the river. Fili and Kili were already hot on the pony’s heels as she darted after them without a second thought.

 The animal plunged into the water, dragging Kili with him as he’d managed to grab hold of the reins a moment before. The force of the rain swollen current was enough to knock the young dwarf off his feet and Holly saw his head go under.

 “Kili!” His brother shouted in alarm. The river water was fast and Holly noted in alarm that it had already swept all the bags off the animal and down stream in just seconds. Kili was having trouble regaining his footing and his head was going under again as his hands clutched desperately to the still frantic animal.

 Without a moment’s hesitation Holly overtook Fili running towards the bank and dove in after Kili and the pony. The shock of cold water was enough to make her breath come out in a painful gasp and she fought to reach the struggling dwarf and animal.

 The water weighed down her clothes and pulled at her limbs, and she almost got swept away herself. She broke the surface of the water and angled through the current and finally reached the pony’s side. Fili splashed into the water behind her just a moment later.

 She reached Kili first and dug her feet into the bottom of the river, the water up to her chin, then she grasped the dark haired dwarf by the arm and wrenched him around so he could regain his footing. Fili, seeing her go after his brother, reached for the pony instead.

 The golden haired dwarf was struggling too though, as his height was also overwhelmed by the water. Holly was the only one tall enough besides the pony to reach the bottom. She managed to make sure Kili had a strong hold on the animal before she reached for Fili and helped him get a secure grip as well. Then she yanked the pony’s reins and tugged as forcefully as she could to get the animal turned around and moving back towards land.

 Whatever had startled the animal, it was happy enough now to get out of the water, and dragged the three of them with it as it sunk its’ hooves in the muddy bank and made it to safety.

 Holly heaved in great breaths of air and let go, nearly collapsing from the strain. The mud she had tried so hard to avoid on their journey now liberally coated her legs and her boots squelched nastily as she took a few staggering steps. Dismay filled her as she realized her boots weren’t likely to dry out any time soon.

 On her other side Fili had taken control of the pony and Kili coughed out water and panted for breath beside her. “Thanks!” he gasped out at her, wearied from the struggling animal.

 “N-no problem.” She replied, shivering, then smacked him on the back a few times to try and get the rest of the water out of his lungs. Dwalin came pounding up with blankets and scolding, but it was halfhearted at best. The pony was brought back to the rest and the three rejoined the company.

 “So much for supper.” Fili said hoarsely and miserably, “Most of the food was on his back and the water swept it all away.” He coughed wetly.

 Holly winced at the sound. Both of the brothers had taken in more water than she had, and the reminder that there was no food or tea waiting caused her to take notice of the hunger gnawing at her stomach and the cold numbing her hands. She pulled the blanket tighter about her as Thorin came stomping up to them.

 “They had it well in hand. What possessed you to go after them?!” Thorin scowled and his eyes flashed angrily at Holly as she dripped water everywhere and settled heavily on the ground. Startled, she winced again and shivered some more. “I d-didn’t...I mean I just th-thought…” His brows furrowed more as she tried to explain. She couldn’t seem to do anything right with him!

 “It was foolhardy of you.” He said cooly. She sneered back at him, fed up with his attitude, and this time anger was the emotion that rose up in her. How dare he?!

 “Hardly!” She snapped waving a hand vehemently in the air, “I am taller than any of you and both of your nephews nearly went under and halfway drowned! I am a strong swimmer and I was more than capable of helping!” Holly’s voice rose in the air.

 “Leave her alone Thorin,” broke in Balin, laying a hand on her shoulder, “She just did what any of us would have done if we had reacted faster.” Thorin looked thunderous but a look from Balin made him halt. She had some cheek! But she wasn’t entirely wrong, he thought. Even if she had gone and endangered herself she had done it to rescue his heirs. His worry for them had caused him to lash out in anger. Kili’s coughing had not subsided, and the sound of it sent arrows of worry into his heart.

 “We’re fine Uncle.” Kili said, shooting him a watery smile. Thorin snorted and cuffed him on the head. “Fine indeed. How was it the pony got away from you in the first place?” Kili winced, but Thorin cut him off when he tried to reply, “Never mind that now. Make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” He then stalked off back towards where Oin and Gloin were attempting to start some kind of fire, Dwalin following him.

 Holly sighed as she watched him leave and Balin gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Alright lass?” he asked, his expression kind.

 “I’m fine. Just c-cold.” She replied. He nodded and then released her and went to follow his brother and Thorin oversee the still unsuccessful attempts to make fire. Gloin was cursing up a blue streak, and if she could understand their language she was sure even she would be blushing judging by the vehemence behind the statements.

 “Don’t listen to Uncle. That was a brave thing. I might have been swept away with the food if you hadn’t helped me.” Kili said, approaching her briefly. Fili echoed his sentiment and patted her on the shoulder before leaving with his brother to make sure the rest of the ponies were secured well.

 Holly sat a moment longer, glaring a bit at Thorin’s back. He always made her feel so stupid. Maybe she could have thought it out better, but she had just seen someone in danger and reacted accordingly to help.

  _Anyway, I’m paying the price for it now._ She thought wryly. She was freezing, and soaked through. What few changes of clothes she had in her backpack were likely damp and chilly too. She went to grab some anyway and then retreated some distance for privacy.

 Yuck. Diving into the water really hadn’t been smart, she realized as she peeled her underwear away from her body. The cloth she’d been using was we through and blood was running down her legs rivulets mixed with water. She cleaned up and changed as quickly as she could into a somewhat damp black pair of pants and the driest top she could find, replacing her underwear with her last clean pair and the still wet cloth she’d washed out the night before.

  _I just can’t win._ She thought as she rejoined the company which were now huddled together. Gloin and Oin had abandoned all attempts at getting a fire started and were instead fighting over the best way to get it done. The argument was becoming more heated by the minute. Bilbo looked thoroughly miserable off by himself, cloak wrapped around him, hood up, and huddled next to Bombur. She took a spot in between Bifur and Bofur, the latter of whom smiled at her and said something incomprehensible to her in greeting.

 “There’s a light over there!” Balin called suddenly, which prompted the rest of them to look up. Indeed there was the familiar flicker of firelight in the distance. Made all the more welcoming looking due to their current circumstances.

 But the light did the opposite for Holly as dread filled her at the sight of it. For she knew exactly what it was that had made the light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> No authors really deal with technology withdrawal in these situations. But I don’t know many people around Holly’s age who aren’t addicted to their phone/laptop/computer. 
> 
> Singing is always a touchy subject with oc’s. I am not a good singer, and I can’t read music to save my life, but most people can hold a tune alright, and singing is a huge part of ancient cultures and societies where entertainment couldn’t be found except by what you could provide yourself. So Holly can and will sing a little. Since it’s against ffnet’s rules, I haven’t included the lyrics/title of the song she sings. Just imagine a short and uplifting song.


	8. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit and write this work on fanfiction for pleasure not profit.
> 
>  
> 
> “To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.”
> 
> -Soren Kierkegaard

 

They looked on the light in the distance for a few minutes before Nori said, “We should go see if they are friendly.” 

“I don’t think we should. This far into the Lone Lands?” Dwalin disagreed, fingering his axe, his face pulled down in a frown.

“We are hardly going to do much better here. What’s the harm in looking?” Ori asked, wringing his damp clothes in his hands, mournfully staring at the puddle that grew larger at his feet.

“None at all, unless that’s the fire of an orc pack.” Dori grumbled darkly.

“And what are the chances of that?” Kili scoffed and Fili nodded in agreement with his brother.

More of the dwarves chimed in then, arguing back and forth whether to go check out the light in the distance or not. There wasn’t much rest to be had, and if they were friendly, what was the harm?

“You’ve been awful quiet. What do you think lady?” asked Bofur turning to Holly. 

She looked away from the interested gazes and thought quickly, “I think that it’s worth a look. Although I have a bad feeling in general about this place.” She said slowly, rubbing her hands up and down her chilled arms.

“Hm.” He adjusted his sodden hat thoughtfully but said no more to her. Around them the argument continued.

“These parts aren’t well known-”

“But there are fifteen of us.” 

“And where has the wizard gone off too?”

This question was asked several times. With much disgruntlement. The rain, which had not stopped, became heavier and Gloin threw down his fire making tools in disgust while Oin also huffed and sat back on his heels and rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Isn’t this why we brought a burglar in the first place?” Gloin asked irritably. 

Bilbo looked embarrassed by the sudden attention upon him but he agreed, “I’ll be a lot happier for a warm fire and I’m more than willing to go take a look. Anything is better than standing around in the cold and muck.” He too was wet and cold and missing his hobbit hole very much. 

“It is clearly not going to get any better for us this night. So we’ll go look. Cautiously!” Thorin cut in decisively. There was a little more grumbling, but generally the group was happy to be doing something other than standing around and being miserable.

“You stay near the back.” Thorin commanded Holly as he passed her on his way to his pony.

She bit her tongue to keep from replying, and forced herself to move. All around her the dwarves were quickly making ready to go. She was so nervous that her feet felt like lead, but nobody seemed to notice her dawdling as she took Clara’s reins and led her after the group.

She hugged the pony’s neck briefly for comfort. The smell of wet horse wasn’t pleasant, but it was at least familiar. The poor pony didn’t seem any happier than she was about being made to move. Holly walked beside her, not wanting to burden the pony any more.

The light could be seen flickering up the hill and through some trees. It might have been in her mind, but it looked more ruddy red and foreboding than welcoming. The climb in the dark and downpour was not pleasant, and Holly soon found herself struggling to keep moving as her feet slipped and slid over wet gravel and mud. A heaviness grew in her stomach with every step. She absolutely did not want to get any nearer than she had to. She already felt nauseous. 

There was plenty of stumbling and cursing ahead of her. For there was no proper path and it was pitch black. Rivulets of water rushed down and ensured that nobody had dry feet. The darkness closed around her unpleasantly and she had to several times maneuver around rocks or bushes she nearly ran into. 

The dwarves were not a quiet lot. Swearing and grumbling as they went and stumbling just as much as Holly was. Bilbo was just ahead of her and mumbling about, “All this dwarvish racket!” which made Holly crack a slight smile to herself.

Before too long, the light had grown closer and now was gleaming red through the trees not too far ahead. Thorin called Bilbo to the front and Holly halted next to Clara, keeping an arm on the weary pony’s neck. 

It was then that she realized she didn’t have to linger there, she could retreat safely while they dealt with the trolls. It was so dark she could barely see her hand in front of her face and the rain was coming down hard enough to make a godawful racket that would surely cover any noises she might make stumbling in the dark. She could tie up Clara and slip off without anyone likely noticing.

_ And do what?  _ She thought bitterly, but her fumbling fingers were already working on tying Clara alongside several other ponies. The dwarves were huddled at the front of the group and she couldn’t make out what was being said, but it seemed they had forgotten all about her presence for now.

Maybe she could sneak around the other side and wait for Gandalf? 

However before she could put her (admittedly weak) plan into action, a great rumbling crash made her startle badly. It was followed by a strange series of thumps and shouts in the distance. Holly unconsciously backed further away from the racket, and as she did so, she lost her footing on the slick ground and fell.

Suddenly the ground went rushing past her as she slid back down the hill, tumbling and jolting against what felt like every rock, root, and shrub the area had to offer. Her head was smacked not once but three times, causing her to see stars as she scrabbled frantically in the muddy ground to gain purchase. Her hands finally found a root only for it to tear cruelly into her palms as she managed to stop her descent.

Tears sprung immediately to her eyes as her body let her know the pain it was in. She lay there for several minutes sobbing while her head spun, her body ached, and her hands throbbed. Getting a hold of herself wasn’t easy. Every time she managed to calm down her fears a little she froze up and started crying hysterically again as the thought of trolls possibly tearing through the undergrowth in search of her popped into her head. 

She clapped her smarting hand over her mouth in an effort to muffle the noise.  “I’m okay.” She whimpered to herself, “You’re fine g-girl. Get ahold f y-y-yourself. They’d already b-be here if they were c-coming after you.” 

Slowly she managed to calm her breathing and slow her rapidly beating heart. Sitting up made her so dizzy that she immediately threw up. She groaned and held her head in her hands, the bitter taste lingering in her mouth.

She couldn’t see a thing when she finally looked up. She shakily got to her feet and nearly fell again. Streams of water ran down the hill all around her, splattering her with mud and pebbles. She could make out the base of a tree above her and realized she’d fallen down between a great tangle of roots.

The red light from earlier was nowhere to be seen.

Surely she couldn’t have fallen that far though? Holly tried craning her head back but could see nothing. Her ears were filled with the sound of rain and the rushing of water. She moved a few steps carefully back but still could make out nothing beyond vague dark shapes.

She swallowed down the rising panic and took a couple deep breaths. This was...almost better. The choice of what to do with the trolls had been entirely taken out of her hands by her ill-timed misstep. She could now sneak back up and have a very good reason for hanging back. She may not be able to see her hand in front of her face, but well she did know that they’d been climbing  _ up _ . 

She shivered involuntarily. No, she didn’t  _ want _ to encounter the trolls, but neither did she want to abandon everyone. She tried to examine the damage to her hands, but couldn’t make out much. She winced as her fingers made contact with shredded skin on one palm. She ached all over but didn’t seem to be worse off than that.

“You’re okay.” She muttered again, then started to agonizingly climb back up the hill in the dark. She was forced to skirt around the roots of the tree until her hands encounter only dirt, though on a steep incline.

Her progress was impeded once again by her inability to see, but she kept pushing onward and upwards in the hope she’d catch sight of the firelight again and be able to get back on track. She had to detour around several large boulders, each time, much to her growing anxiety, moving more towards the left than she thought she ought to have been moving. She tried moving more right, but wasn’t sure if that helped. 

It wasn’t until she met a sheer rock face that she could feel no top of that she realized she was well and truly lost.

* * *

Thorin was growing worried.

The halfling had been gone for some time when they’d heard an awful ruckus and he’d sent several more of their group to investigate. Then another four. Now that had been some time ago and only a quarter of the group remained. 

He thought to try and sneak up on the fire, a growing warning in his heart that some kind of mischief was afoot. The plan was quietly given to the rest of his kin and they snuck forward as quietly as they could through the trees.

The sight that met them was a dismaying one indeed. A large fire, and a pile of suspiciously dwarf shaped wriggling sacks with boots sticking out of them to one side. He let his hand stray to his weapon and stepped forward, “What’s this? Who has been knocking my people about?!” He called, hoping one of them would answer.

“Trolls!” Came the halfling’s voice in warning. Thorin spared not another second and went for a big flaming branch he saw half lying in the fire. He whirled around just in time to dodge the grasping hands of a particularly nasty looking specimen and stabbed him in the eye with the brand.

The troll cried out in pain and swiped blindly at Thorin, but tripped and went down on the ground, cursing and rubbing his eye, missing the dwarf entirely.

The rest of the unbound dwarves sprung into the fray as the troll howled and two more of the beasts lumbered out of the trees with sacks in their hands. One of them kicked the embers of the fire at Thorin, who cursed as he swung the branch again and knocked some teeth out of the monster’s head with a satisfactory crunch.

The fact that the trolls were obviously trying to capture them was not at all reassuring. It meant that it was easier to get hits on on them, and less injury was done to his kin, but it boded ill for them if they were to fail in driving them off. One troll would have been enough of a challenge, to the whole group working all together. Three trolls with only a handful of dwarves left to fight was poor odds indeed.

The second troll was now howling and clutching his face as Dwalin and Nori began laying into him with their weapons. The halfling was sent flying into the air by a mighty kick from the creature and struck a tree on the other side of the clearing.

Thorin dropped the branch then and went for his blade, but before he could draw it a nasty smelly sack was pulled over his head from behind, causing him to fumble and drop the weapon He snarled and thrashed as he was lifted in the air struggling and received a two fearsome blows to the head and stomach for his trouble, causing him to go lax as the breath was driven from him.

Sturdy rope trussed him good and tight and it wasn’t too long before the sounds of his fighting brethren petered out and he heard more cursing and swearing. At least he had seen nobody had been too grievously hurt or killed.

It was only as he was tossed onto what felt like a pile of his kin and the trolls started discussing how best to cook the lot of them that he realized with growing horror that he had no idea where Holly was.

* * *

Holly had no idea where she was.

She tried to strain for any sounds but could hear nothing. The rain was starting to slow down and now was a slow monotonous drizzle.

It was still as dark as ever and Holly walked along the rock wall for several minutes, this time heading back towards her right as she had detoured so much to the left. 

She had climbed quite a bit higher than she suspected she had fallen. Trees rose all around her and blocked her view but still she kept moving, hoping to see or hear something. 

How much time had passed, she couldn't be sure. Eventually she sat down against a tree in despair and cried again.

The rain finally ceased as she sat crying. Her cramps were bothering her again, since it must have been hours since she last took some medicine for them. She was cold, wet, hungry, utterly lost and miserable. She huddled there for well over an hour, going back and forth on whether she should continue to look for her companions or just stay put.

In the end, no matter how desperate she was, she simply couldn’t stomach being a damsel in distress. At the very least she wanted to make an effort to save herself. She got to her feet again, and wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. After all she knew that the company would be okay in the end, but her fate was unknown. Better to try, in her opinion, than not try at all.

Holly made a decision to head back down, knowing that going up hadn’t worked. At worst, she’d be down in the valley again and could wait until daylight when she would have a better chance of finding her way back.

Holly had just resigned herself to shivering the rest of the night in the dark when she realized the sky had begun to lighten just a little bit. Her heart lightened as she walked down the hill, weaving around the trees.

A hazy spot in the air before her caused her a moment of brief confusion until a breath of wind blew the scent of smoke into her face. She couldn’t help it; she laughed out loud in sheer relief. She hurried, racing towards the fire as the sunlight broke the first cold rays of light over the wet forest. She heard a great roar, like thunder, just as the clearing came into view.

She halted, frozen in amazement as...as what had to be the trolls cried out in pain and started to turn grey and stiff, as the rays of the morning sun swiftly turned them into stone. 

She’d never seen anything more magical. The small tricks Gandalf had displayed were nothing compared to three creatures, grotesque and twisted, turning into inanimate hulks of rock. Holly felt a sliver of ice roll down her spine as one of trolls caught sight of her, it’s squinty eyes narrowed in anger and fear.

She forgot to be afraid, and instead watched the wizard lean wearily on his staff on top of a huge rock that had obviously been split in two. “Gandalf!” She cried, relief lacing her tone.  He turned around to see her on the rose behind him.

“Holly!” He called. 

She met him at the base as he climbed down the rock and he looked her over with a critical eye. “Seems like there is more than one tale to tell of this past night.” He remarked. Holly nodded breathlessly, “Later. We have to go free the rest of them.” Her eyes had just fallen on the sacks that held the dwarves, who were squirming and calling out asking what had happened.

“We’re here!” She called out, tripping a bit as she hurried over, “Hold your horses, we’ll get you all free in a moment!” She turned to the first sack and looked helplessly at the tight knots. She tried to get them loose, but hissed at the rough fibers hurt her hands. The wriggling didn’t help either.

“Hold still!” She snapped, poking the dwarf. She took the knife from her belt and started sawing at the knot. Gandalf was helping poor Bilbo out of a bunch of thorn bushes behind her. Together the two started working on the ropes binding the others. 

The rope wasn’t the best and it soon came away in her hands. She then pulled the nasty sack off and met a pair of intense blue grey eyes and an intimidating frown. 

As their eyes met she felt a flash of surprise and then immediate chagrin. Her hands, which had been helping remove the sack, paused in their work as she blushed bright red. Of all the luck, she had scolded and poked the leader of their company.

“Ah. I hope you’re alright.” She pulled the sack off all the way and then offered a hand to help him  off. He ignored it and got to his feet. Then suddenly his hand flashed out and turned her hand over at the wrist. 

She winced at the sight. Her hands were cut up pretty badly and there was dirt ingrained in the cuts. She had been ignoring the throbbing until he had brought her attention back to it. His fingers were coarse and rough on her skin as he examined the cuts. She felt the heat in her face grow.

Then he dropped it and grunted, looking up at her, he made eye contact again and she was struck by the weight of his gaze “Get Oin to look at that.”  he ordered. 

“S-Sure.” She said, pulling her hand out of his. Then she turned away to hide her face from his gaze. She then set to work on freeing the others. 

Holly got Kili and then Bombur free (the latter of whom had the most rope and the toughest knots). By that point the rest of them had gotten all the others free and Oin was checking everyone over for injuries. The worst were Bilbo and herself, but there were plenty of scratches and bruises to go around.

After Thorin was satisfied everyone was in good enough condition, he turned to Gandalf and Bilbo. “Now then, I’m not sure what all has occurred and I think now is the time to fill in the missing parts.” 

Holly listened with half an ear as Bilbo, with embarrassment in his voice, told them his plan to try picking the troll’s pockets. 

Oin was busy cleaning and bandaging Holly’s hands, which had her cursing under her breath as quietly as she could, but when he poured some wine over her hands tears sprung to her eyes, “Motherfucker!” she gasped. The old healer startled, his hands pausing in removing grit from the cuts as he looked up at her in bemusement.

“Oh please just hurry up.” Holly begged with her teeth clenched. “Sorry for swearing but I wasn’t expecting it to hurt that badly.

“Quite all right.” he replied, then when he had finished the first hand he placed the wine bag in it, “Might as well take a nip. These will be bothering you for a few days at least.” 

She took a swig of the acidic wine, then another, and another as he continued to clean the dirt from her palms. Her head was pleasantly fuzzy by the time he used the last of the wine to wash her other hand. This time she managed not to swear, though she did flinch.

“And what of you, lady?” Ori asked Holly as Bilbo finished his account. 

Holly blushed. Thorin once again turned his enigmatic eyes on her where she sat next to Oin. “Yes. Where were you?” Dori asked suspiciously, catching the other's’ attention. 

“I fell.” Holly said, plucking at her dirty shirt and holding up her wrapped hands. Bofur came over and patted her shoulder sympathetically.

“Fell?” Fili asked. 

Holly hugged her torso. “I slipped. I was towards the back of the group and it was so dark. I don’t know how far I fell but it knocked me about and I spent all night trying to find my way back because I was worried about you.” Here she paused, and met Thorin’s gaze head on, “It wasn’t til morning when I saw the smoke from the fire and managed to find you all again.” She finished steadily.

No more questions were asked, for everyone could see that she had had a rough night. 

* * *

The woman looked a fright, and there were new bruises along her jaw and scattered across her arms. She was covered in mud and forest debris. Her hair was a tangled mess and it made him feel uncomfortable as he looked upon her. He was filled with the vague need to fix it so she didn’t look quite so disheveled.

It was obvious something ill had befallen her as it had them, though he was relieved and glad that the trolls had not come across her and she had been spared their evil talk.

She was looking at the now turned-to-stone hulks with trepidation and not a little fear. Both hands had bandages tied about them, and she limped a little on one side. 

He had worried all night long whether she had managed to be smart and stayed hidden. He’d hoped that was the case while he lay trussed up like a chicken and listened to the trolls debating how to cook all of them. He had known she wasn’t among them because they made no mention of cooking a woman.

However he was dismayed that she had apparently been hurt and in pain. He couldn’t in good conscience scold her, though he wished he could. It would have been better had she stayed put until they could find her. 

He sighed and rubbed his brow tiredly. “There must be a hoard nearby. We should go look for it. We can take the food and ale here to replenish what we’ve lost.” He said to Balin and Gandalf. 

“Oh, I have found a key here! Perhaps it may help?” Bilbo held up the item in question, a heavy stone thing, “I think it fell out of that one’s pocket in the fight.” He pointed at one of the trolls.

“You could’ve mentioned that earlier.” Gloin grumbled, stroking his beard. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> Poor Holly had quite a night! But then, so did everyone else so I think it’s just fair that she get roughed up too.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, follows, reviews, comments everyone! :)


	9. Overcast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to have a nice long chapter next time I posted so it took awhile to get this out. Just finished my final papers and exams for this semester of grad school so I’m feeling good! I re-watched the Hobbit in celebration. Meant to get to Rivendell this chapter but it turned into character development instead XD Hope you enjoy!

 

“Avoid problems and you’ll never be the one who overcame them.” -Richard Bach

* * *

 

Holly was still slightly tipsy when Nori came back from checking out the area and told them he’d found a trail of the trolls’ boots leading off into the trees. Someone else had gone to retrieve the ponies who had miraculously not bolted during the night. She was so exhausted after the emotional and physical trials of the previous night that she had found a quiet spot to sit and pick at her bandages. 

She had been half drowned, soaked to the skin, covered in muck, and beaten up badly by her fall. Plus she had been on her feet all night. She was so tired that she considered not going to check out the hoard, but when Kili halted beside her, gave her a shy smile, and asked if she was coming too, she did not have the heart to say no to him.

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she got to her feet. She joined him near the rear of the group. The early morning light seemed too bright to her weary eyes as she squinted at him walking beside her. Kili ruefully shook his head, causing his dark hair to swing from side to side.

“Better than you I think.” he frowned and touched the back of her bandaged hand, “I’m sorry you were hurt but I’m glad you weren’t here either.” His dark eyes shone and his fervency took her a bit aback, “What they were saying was atrocious. I’m glad you were spared it.” Kili shuddered and fingered his bow.

Holly  tried to laugh it off, “I guess I do look pretty bedraggled.” She looked down at her pretty much ruined clothes and tugged on a lock of her limp hair. She winced as a twig and two leaves fell out of it.

“If we had been with you, that might not have happened.” Kili lifted one shoulder than the other, “If we had made sure you were alright when we went to check out the fire... Can you forgive me for not making sure you were still with us?” his eyes were so sincere and apologetic as he turned to look at her.

Holly felt a pang of guilt as she looked away, unable to meet his eyes. She had planned to abandon them after all. Even if events had not worked out that way, she still felt bad for even  _ considering _ leaving them. Once again she was struck that these people were not merely characters in a book. They had real thoughts and feelings and she knew she was still struggling to reconcile their real selves with the preconceived notions of who she thought they might be like.

Holly felt ashamed. Ashamed she had been putting off planning to save them. Here was someone she knew was supposed to die. Not that he knew. She had somewhat held back from getting to know the two brothers. She wasn’t confident that she could save them. Yet he didn’t know that, and he was a genuinely nice and caring person. He was concerned with her well being, while she had been so wrapped up in her own problems she had ignored the looming peril facing him. He didn’t deserve to die.

_ I can’t let them die.  _

“You don’t know what might have happened. I might still have fallen.” She hung her head and kicked a stick in their path. A few tears threatened to escape her eyes, “Besides you guys were the ones to face down those monsters. I’m really glad you’re alright, Kili.”

It was the young dwarf’s turn to be taken a bit aback. A slight flush rose on his face and he looked away and cleared his throat. He could hear the slight crack in her voice and realized she was genuinely concerned about him. 

“Ah. Well, in truth, we were defeated quite easily. I never even saw them coming,” he admitted a bit reluctantly.

Holly patted his arm, “There is nothing to forgive.” she told him, though some sadness still lurked in her eyes. She then withdrew from his side and hurried to catch up with the rest of the group. He let his steps slow a little as he thought.

She may have said there was nothing to forgive, but his uncle had already made a point of seeing to her safety. Last night was a lapse in that...and Kili already felt indebted to her for rescuing him from the river, and he knew Fili felt the same. 

She didn’t seem very witch-like, but even if she was, he didn’t think she was a bad person. She seemed so sad most of the time, and he knew she was no warrior. She needed someone to watch out for her. Why not him and Fili? (For he never even considered that his brother wouldn’t think the same). He’d not seen much of the world, and had never met another human woman before, but he liked her.

She was brave. She was kind. She had a funny sense of humor and...she was not exactly disagreeable looking either. He blushed at that last thought.

He had fallen a bit behind her lost in thought when his brother stepped up beside him. “We’ll keep an eye out for her, Kee,” he murmured, using a childhood nickname. He clasped his brother on the shoulder. Kili realized he’d been watching her and blushed harder, causing his brother to quirk an eyebrow at him.

“It’s nothing,” he said. Fili smiled wider and Kili huffed in exasperation as his brother opened his mouth.

“Nothing!” He insisted gruffly, walking a bit more quickly and ignoring how his older brother dissolved into laughter behind him.

* * *

They soon found the rough hewn door hidden behind some bushes. The trolls were obviously not the smartest of creatures as there was not even the smallest attempt to hide their tracks and their presence.

Bilbo’s key did unlock the door, and Holly steeled herself for what would be on the other side. The first thing that hit her was the smell. It was rank and unpleasant. A few of the dwarves gagged and coughed and Bilbo went a bit green in the face. There were bones and other waste carelessly heaped in piles on the ground. She didn’t dare look too closely. 

In fact, she noted with some surprise, there were many piles of seemingly disparate junk separated out all over the cave. Though unlike the movie, it wasn’t as covered in grime and dirt. A few cobwebs here or there, true, but most of the stuff was easily recognizable. There were torches set into the walls that were quickly lit so they could see everything before them.

There was a set of shelves that had food piled haphazardly on them and more barrels and crates heaped before them. Bombur had made a beeline towards the food stuffs and was already sorting out the goods they could use.

Holly nearly tripped over a pile of brass buttons, of all things. She also noted an amazing amount of clothing heaped in one corner. She picked up one shirt and then quickly dropped it with rising nausea as she discovered a suspicious looking crusty red-brown stain. They were too small to have fit the trolls, and she had a bad feeling that these were from their victims. Digging through the pile yielded a few items that seemed like they would fit (and didn’t have questionable stains) to replace her current ruined clothing

She turned around again, tucking the articles of clothing under her arm, only to find a heap of what seemed like kitchen knives and tools. Another pile seemed to be of bed frames and baskets. Holly wandered more towards the back and found three heaps of blankets and mattresses. It smelled so bad that her eyes watered and she quickly backed up so as to get away from where she was sure the trolls had slept.

There was also quite a bit of money scattered about, with coins of all shapes sizes and metals. Thorin encouraged everyone to take as much of it as they wished to fill their purses and they did so gleefully. Holly hesitated until Bifur shoved a two handfuls of gold, silver, and copper coins into her hands. He said something as well, but she didn’t understand in the least. Apparently her magical understanding of the Common tongue didn’t extend to the other languages of Middle Earth. She deposited the money in her pockets and went poking about through the rest. 

She found another pile of mainly of jewelry which she shifted through in some interest. Most of it was plain metal twisted into interesting shapes, but some of it was quite fine. There was a large necklace of what seemed to be emeralds and a set of heavy pearl earrings. Stunning, but totally impractical. Holly lingered admiringly over a pretty gold ring with a blue stone and flowers engraved on the sides. It fit her finger so well that she pocketed it too.

Meanwhile the contents of a couple of old barrels had caught Thorin’s and Gandalf’s eyes. Inside were a number of swords and knives, some with beautifully bejewelled hilts and intricate scabbards. Gandalf withdrew two of them and pulled the blades from their sheaths, looking with interest at the runes on them.

“These were not made by any troll.” Thorin remarked, taking the one blade from Gandalf and casting a practiced eye over the metal.

Gandalf agreed, “These were forged by the high elves of Gondolin,” he said with awe in his voice. Thorin’s eyes narrowed but Gandalf interceded before he could return the blade to the barrel. “You could not wish for a finer blade!” he reprimanded sharply. Thorin scoffed but took the sword nonetheless with him, a thoughtful look upon his face.

Bilbo had walked up quietly and withdrawn a small blade with elvish runes decorating the sheath. “A good choice, I think Bilbo.” Gandalf said. A few of the others also checked out what was left and Nori passed Holly an additional knife that he said was of better quality than her own, but bade her keep both. “One can never be too careful,” he said.

Holly pulled it from its’ sheath in awe. It too was elvish in origin, but far smaller than the blade she knew to be Sting in Bilbo’s hands. Still, it was beautifully, if simply decorated. A curve of some elvish script wound down the blade. She couldn’t even feel the indents on the metal where the writing was, it was so smooth. Maybe she could get a translation from somebody later. She wondered if it too would glow blue when orcs or goblins were nearby.

“I had run into some of Lord Elrond’s people earlier and they had warned me of the trolls which had been plaguing travelers,” Gandalf said eyeing everyone’s finds, “I still wonder how they ended up with such relics.” 

“Elrond?” Thorin asked with a bit of a sneer. Gandalf nodded, “I had gone ahead to spy out our road and see what could be done about our low provisions when I met two elves upon the road. As soon as they gave me the news that people had been going missing and several families had been chased out of this area in recent years by trolls I hastened back.” Here he grumbled, “And it’s a good thing I did!”

“Our provisions are still low, even with what we can scavenge here.” Bombur piped up and Thorin ran a hand over his face, obviously torn.

“We’ll seek out Rivendell and find rest and replenishment in Lord Elrond’s halls.” Gandalf said. Thorin’s face clearly said he would rather eat his boot leather than seek out the elves, but he also was responsible for the well-being of the company and knew he had no choice.

Holly watched all this with interest but said nothing. The air inside the cave was getting to her and she felt faint. “Let’s get out of this foul stench.” Fili declared, coming up beside her. He cupped her elbow and steered her towards the door. She was tired enough not to protest and let him lead her out.

“Yes, let’s,” Thorin agreed, noting the woman’s pale face. “Quickly!” he called to the rest of the group who were still rummaging in the piles of stuff in the hoard. 

A few pots and chests were filled with more coins and jewels and hefted outside by Gloin, Nori, and Bofur. As the rest of the group came outside they found that Bifur had been digging a hole for the treasure and they quickly buried it. 

To Holly’s surprise, Balin and Bifur then began mumbling and speaking in another language and waving over the buried treasure. She wanted to watch, but Fili was already tugging her away back towards the troll’s fire.

“What are they doing?” she asked. Fili looked over his shoulder and then shrugged, “Spells to keep people from finding it before we can come back to retrieve it.” Holly blinked in consternation. 

“Magic?” She said dumbly. Kili then came up on her other side, “Balin and Bifur have some talent. I think one or two of the others might as well.” He caught his brother’s eye and looked meaningfully at her face. Holly was looking rather pale and though she didn’t realize it, she was swaying a bit on her feet.

“Oh.” Holly said feeling dizzy.

Back at the fire they found Ori and Bombur had gotten a start on preparing some of the edible food the trolls had left behind in the embers of their fire. Bacon, toast, and some cheese were passed around and everyone fell silent as they ate. They were all too hungry to complain about the origins of the food.

Holly ate her share and then found herself starting to doze off. She was too tired to care that she was filthy, and her clothes had mostly dried out in the sun. It was still quite early, maybe only an hour and a half had passed since the sun had risen, and everyone was feeling the effects of the night as no one had managed any rest. 

Gandalf had already leaned himself up against a tree, his pointy hat covering his eyes. Thorin didn’t bother to set a watch as everyone needed rest. One by one, the dwarves pulled out their bedrolls or simply curled up beside the fire and started snoring. Holly barely even noticed that Kili had brought her stuff to her before the dwarf tapped her on her shoulder, “You need to get some rest, Lady Holly,” he said.

“Okay,” she agreed with a yawn. She lay down right there and curled in on herself, pulling the hood of her jacket up. “Night,” she yawned again and laid her head on her bag, pulling the blanket over herself.

Kili chuckled softly at the way she bundled herself up. Only the lower half of her face showed. It was oddly endearing. He settled a short distance away. Fili was also curling up and he grumbled sleepily when Kili shoved him with a toe to get him to budge up and make space.

Thorin was the last still awake, and his eyes lingered on Holly as he watched the rise and fall of her blankets herald her descent into sleep. His eyes then turned over his sister’s sons and a sense of relief filled him. The chorus of snores couldn’t keep him awake though, and he rolled over and sought his own rest.

* * *

Holly was awakened some time in the afternoon by Dori who also handed her some more food. She thanked him and ate the bread and cheese quickly. She reflected wryly that the monotony of the fare they’d had recently would have bugged her more if she hadn’t been so hungry. She licked the crumbs off her fingers, wishing there was more to be had.

Now that she was no longer tired, she was horribly aware of how grimy she was. The stream wasn’t so far away but she knew she’d have to hurry.

Holly only had time for a quick wipe off and change of clothes. Her period was still going and she’d bled right through the makeshift pad. Most of her things were still damp and she sighed as she washed out the rags in the stream. Today should be the last day of her cycle and she was grateful for that since she didn’t have anything else clean or dry to spare.

Her pants were completely ruined. Although the dark color hid the worst of the stains, they were all torn up and ragged now. She figured she would hold on to them in case she could use the fabric for something else. She didn’t bother washing them since they’d only be wet and a nuisance in her backpack. She transferred the coins and ring into the purse Gandalf had given at the start of the journey.

Much refreshed, she came back to find everyone almost ready to go and Thorin frowning at her reappearance. She ignored him and went to go see Clara. She was glad that her pony friend was alright.

As she rubbed Clara’s nose and stroked her neck she noticed that there was someone else in their midst. Gandalf stood conversing with another old man leaning on a staff. With a jolt she realized this must be Radagast. His hat and robes were brown and when she looked more closely she saw a sledge with a number of rather large rabbits attached sitting between the trees.

“Where were you?” Kili hissed appearing suddenly at her side. Holly flinched back in surprise. “Uh. I just went to clean up?” She answered in confusion. The young dwarf shook his head with a frown, “Why didn’t you ask one of us to go with you? He turned out to be a friend of Gandalf’s but when we heard him coming and I couldn’t find you…” Kili trailed off.

Holly felt chagrin realizing he had been worried about her. “I’m fine. I don’t usually ask anyone to follow me. I can take care of myself.” She told him.

“That’s not the point!” Kili said in frustration. Dwalin, who was nearby and overheard cut in, “Aye. After last night we should all be more careful lass. Just ask any one of us and we can accompany you next time.” 

Holly blushed, “Well forgive me for wanting some privacy!” she snapped a little angrily. Then softened at Kili’s obvious distress, “Really, sometimes I need to take care of things on my own,” she tried to explain, hoping they’d get the hint.

Thankfully Fili rescued her, “We can understand that Lady, but it would ease our minds to know you weren’t on your own completely. We will stand back if needed but you should always be within shouting distance.”

Holly sighed, “Alright I can agree to compromise.” 

“It’s only because you’re not a fighter lass.” Dwalin said.

“Fine, I get it,” Holly grumbled. 

Kili gave her a bright smile in return and left her to load her bags on to Clara which he’d brought over from the fire.

By the time their conversation was over, Radagast had taken off again. It occurred to Holly only as they mounted up that she should have been worried that there might be orcs after them. She tensed up and looked around wildly, but didn’t see or hear anything. She cast her mind back but couldn’t remember if the orcs chasing the company happened before or after Rivendell in the books.

After an hour of travel she relaxed slightly and wondered about the other wizard’s appearance. Had that happened in the book? She wasn’t sure. 

She really needed to review her notebook, she thought bitterly. And she needed to have a plan. Even a basic one. 

Holly had realized Gandalf had called for her and even accepted that the Valar had sent her here to help. She still didn't understand it, and it was still more than a little overwhelming to consider, but she had to hope that her presence here meant she could succeed. 

She had found out through trial and error that putting her all into a project often helped her achieve things she had barely dreamed of. She was a good student, and this was just a practical application of one of the most powerful tools she had; knowledge. 

_ I need a deadline.  _ She thought.

Fine. Before they left Rivendell, she would have a plan fleshed out. She would have time to talk with Gandalf (and she was really kind of angry at how he had dodged her when she tried to get answers so far). 

If she didn’t have a plan fleshed out, she would have to tell Thorin something. Anything. At the least she thought she could come up with some fake vision and tell him she saw his death. 

Her stomach twisted as she considered this. He didn’t seem likely to accept her warning, but she could plan for that. She could tell him of another event that she knew would happen. It would solidify her credibility. She could also work on befriending more of the company, and maybe warn some of them as well. She was already friendly with quite a few of them…

Bilbo though...she couldn’t tell him anything. The ring and the rise of Sauron was beyond her control. Even if she wanted to, she’d be too old or more likely dead by the time the Council of Elrond happened to have any sort of effect on that outcome.

And quite frankly, that quest had more at stake and much more to lose if she tried to meddle...though she knew Smaug was likely to be used by the enemy if he somehow survived. She didn’t think that would happen though. Her goal wasn’t to change to outcome of the quest, but to change one of the events that followed it. 

She nibbled her bottom lip in deep thought. She could even try to befriend Thorin himself. Though even as the thought occurred to her she nearly dismissed it. They would never be friends. She always seemed to get on his nerves or bump heads with him. He didn’t seem to be well pleased with her at the best of times.

She wasn’t the only one though. He also had a problem with Bilbo and she had seen him give the hobbit a plenty of disdainful looks as they traveled.

_ But he had made sure she got her hands looked at. _ Bilbo had been covered in scratches from the thorn bushes he had landed in, but he had made Oin attend her first. She sighed and raised them before her. The bandages were itchy. She’d tried very hard not to get them wet earlier but she hadn’t succeeded as well as she would have liked. 

“Alright there lass?” Dwalin asked as his pony pulled alongside hers. 

“Yeah. Just annoyed that these will give me some trouble for a time.” She waved her hands in the air before picking up the reins again.

“Did you get hurt by the trolls?” She asked. The dwarf looked slightly offended by her question and she realized with exasperation that his male pride was taking offence.

“I just wanted to know you were okay,” she muttered and his face softened. “Aye. It would take more than that to lay me low lass.” Up ahead Balin snorted and Dwalin narrowed his eyes and called out, “Got something to say, brother?”

“Nothing at all, brother.” Balin called back, a look of amusement on his face as he turned to look at them. Dwalin grumbled under his breath and spurred his pony on.

Holly felt a pang of loss watching them interact. It was so like her own brothers. They had always teased each other mercilessly. She hadn’t thought of them in nearly a month, trying to push thoughts of her family and friends to the back of her mind. 

Charlie had been terrible at teasing, not quite understanding social norms, but he’d tried so hard that she had always been amused at his attempts. Alex was also a typical older brother in messing with his siblings...Richard had been a jerk at times, and they had fought bitterly, but she missed even him and his gruff affection.

At this point, she already knew the tears were going to fall no matter what she did. She let them. Fili and Kili noticed, but weren’t sure what to say or what had caused them. They both pretended not to notice, but made sure to stay nearby in case she wanted to talk.

“S-Sorry,” she sniffled after awhile, “I just miss my family, you know?” 

Kili nodded and Fili offered her some water from his water bag. She took it and drank some, hastily wiping her face on her arm.

“Thanks.” Holly told them, giving it back. They continued to ride in silence.

* * *

There wasn’t any singing or storytelling, though the weather was finally clear and bright. The run in with the trolls had cast a pall over the company. They were now more aware than ever of the dangers they had yet to face.

The lands they traveled through were quiet and bereft of people. It was a sobering reminder that the trolls had come down from the North along with other dark things that could possibly creep up on them and take them unawares again.

They still passed the odd ruin and one time a farmhouse that was well on its’ way to being reclaimed by nature. Holly wondered if the people there had been eaten by the trolls.

Hills rose higher now, and the road grew tougher yet again as they reached the foothills of the Misty Mountains. The dark peaks grew ever closer, turning from dark smudges on the horizon to towering peaks that pierced the clouds above.

Tempers grew worse as their food supplies grew thin again. Holly noted that Bilbo especially looked a bit pinched about the face more often than not. Conversation was generally limited and Holly felt more homesick than ever. Kili and Fili tried occasionally to lift her spirits, but the general depression of the whole groups seemed to weigh heavily on her in particular.

“She really misses her family,” Fili said quietly to Balin later that night around the fire where his Uncle, Balin, and Dwalin had retired to discuss some matters between them. Thorin shifted uncomfortably next to him while Balin regarded her thoughtfully from across the fire. She had been withdrawn and pale looking, though Oin had made sure her hands were healing well. 

“Stubborn woman won’t say a word about it.” Dwalin huffed, but there was some worry in his tone as well. 

“She lost them,” Thorin admitted, “It’s her business and I’ll not go telling it to you, but I believe she is still grieving.” He resettled his cloak about him and ignored the curious looks from his nephew and friends.

“She’ll talk when she feels she can.” Balin said at last. “Perhaps she can find some peace in Rivendell. I think we all will welcome the respite.” He stroked his white beard thoughtfully.

Thorin scowled at the fire but didn’t say anything.

“I think she tries very hard to be strong and not need help.” Fili remarked. 

Dwalin nodded, “I noticed that about her the day I met her,” he sighed, “She’s got a strong spirit.”

“She still hasn’t been much use.” Thorin growled. Fili raised an eyebrow and calmly disagreed, “She has pulled her own weight around camp and she helped rescue Kili and myself with that pony.” 

Balin nodded, “I’m not so sure she doesn’t know some more things she doesn’t let on about. I’ve noticed she spends plenty of time deep in thought. Maybe I should talk gently with her about it?” Balin suggested.

Thorin rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Fine,” he acquiesced, but then scowled at the fire, “If she has some foresight she should have said something to me.”

“You don’t exactly make it easy for her to approach you,” Fili noted wryly. Thorin scoffed, but privately he knew he’d been a bit hard on her and the halfling. He had so much on his mind constantly that he somewhat resented what he saw as the least useful members of his company.

He watched Balin get up and cross over to her. She was sitting alone, not too far away, but enough to give her some privacy. 

* * *

“Good evening lass,” Balin said as he sat down with a grunt. “These old bones of mine ache on nights like this. I need something to keep my mind off them. Will you keep an old dwarrow company?”

“Sure.” Holly answered with some surprise. She shifted a bit on the log and waited for him to say something, only he never did. He seemed to be contemplating the stars.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Holly asked rhetorically, feeling a longing rise up in her chest, “Nothing like them at home.”

“No?” Balin asked, drawing his cloak a bit tighter about him. His tone was mild but questioning, “You must be a long way from home. Miss your family, do you?”

Holly swallowed thickly, “Yeah. I do.”

Balin turned to look at her directly, “You’ll forgive me for saying so, but I’ve noticed you seem lost in thought more often than not. A lot on your mind?”

Holly avoided his eyes and sighed heavily, “Something like that.”

“Hm.” Balin hummed thoughtfully. “Foresight can weigh heavily on those who the Valar have chosen to bear it.” 

Startled, Holly hugged her arms to her chest but said nothing.

“Anything we should know about lass?” The old dwarrow asked, not unkindly.

Holly shivered. “Yes and no,” she turned to face the old dwarrow more fully and lowered her voice, “May I ask you a question.”

A bit surprised, Balin nodded, “Aye. Go on.”

Holly hesitated, “Well, if you knew someone might be...hurt, and that the circumstances might be beyond your control to change, what would you do? How would you act?”

Balin closed his eyes briefly, feeling the weight of his years. It was not that he had thought everyone would be alright, though he had hoped. Chances were that they’d lose someone on this perilous journey, but to have the weight of certainty on one’s shoulders...what a heavy thing to bear for one as young as she who was already burdened by homesickness and grief.

“It depends I suppose,” he began slowly, “On the certainty I felt that this would happen, but everyone dies lass. Death is not unknown even to the elves. For all of their immortal years, they can still perish.” He took one of her hands in his own and patted it. 

“But even if it was certain, if there was the slightest chance of success in reclaiming our home, I know not a single one of us would do anything differently,” he continued.

She gripped his hand. “Thanks,” she breathed, “There’s just so much and I’m not certain about it at all.” Balin nodded as if confirming something to himself.

“As for your family, Thorin has told us a little of them.” Balin said.

“Has he?” Holly asked, her lips thinning. 

A sad smile pulled at the corners of Balin’s lips. “Do not be so quick to judge him harshly lass. Thorin has had a harder life than most, but he cares for the Company. In his own way.” 

Holly could feel herself relenting a bit, at the soft rebuke. “I know, but he seems to dislike me so much.” She sighed and pulled her hand out of his. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” Balin murmured. Holly scoffed but smiled softly in thanks.

Balin got to his feet with more to ponder on than when he’d first sat down. For though it had escaped Holly’s notice, Balin had seen that Thorin’s eyes had been on them the entire time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> Magic/spells being done by the dwarves IS explicitly mentioned in canon. Though what the spells  in detail and who cast them are anyone’s guess. I’m surprised more authors don’t take advantage of it.
> 
> Ok Kili is fairly young and in my humble experience young people tend to get crushes pretty easily. Holly did save him from drowning after all! That’s enough to give any guy some kinda hero worship.
> 
> Movie Thorin hates elves with a burning passion as hot as Smaug’s breath. Book Thorin certainly doesn’t like them, but he doesn’t kick up a huge fuss like Movie Thorin does either. I’ve reconciled the two as best I can. Radagast does make a cameo here as you see, but in the end book events are the ones I’m mainly sticking to.
> 
> Holly is battling with grief and depression. Being separated from everyone and everything she ever knew is not something she can get over in a short amount of time. I know it might seem weird that she has such random mood swings, but in the end I think it makes her more human.


	10. A Short Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally at last we reach the House of Elrond. I hope I did it justice.
> 
>  Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit. Might have borrowed the chapter title, but I still don’t own it! I write this work of fanfiction solely for my own amusement and that of others.
> 
> "Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing."  
> -Max Irons

 

After her talk with Balin Holly felt a little lighter about not divulging everything she knew to the dwarves. There was still time.

 The mountains grew ever closer and she knew that very soon they’d be entering the hidden valley. She was both nervous and extremely excited about the prospect.

Rivendell had always seemed like, well almost like a home to her. The books and the movies depicted such a beautiful restful place, and she was looking forward to seeing it more than anything else.

It was where Bilbo would go to live out his retiring years. Where Aragorn would meet Arwen. Where the fellowship would be formed. Where the shards of Narsil lay and where Anduril would be forged. It was a place of healing and succor and she was looking forward to walking in the halls and she hoped that a little of her burdens might be eased there. Even the treasure hoard of Erebor didn’t hold such an allure for her.

One morning they reached a river and forded it at a shallow place. The water rushed by, foaming as it hit the ponies’ legs, and was very cold. The opposite bank was quite steep and slippery and getting up it was a challenge. By the time they reached the top Holly was out of breath and sweaty from leading Clara.

She had to stop suddenly as the others were in her way. She opened her mouth to ask what the hold up was when she caught sight of what had stopped them. The mountains, which had so far seemed so distant and at times it had felt like they’d never actually reach them, had snuck up to rise in towering monoliths of stone before them.

Maybe it would take another day’s journey to reach the first. The mountains were dark in color, but wreathed in clouds and Holly could spy snow caps behind the foremost peaks. Patches of sunlight danced upon their sides, falling through where the clouds did not cover the sky. She had only seen one mountain range before that could ever compare, but even the Rockies seemed to pale in comparison to these peaks.

“These are young mountains.” She said to herself, remembering her geology courses. The sight suddenly brought home to her how different a time it was.

“Aye. That they are. Comparatively.” Ori said from beside her, “How’d you know?” he asked with some curiosity.

Holly grinned at him, “Even mountains wear down with time,” she replied. Ori nodded, “You must have had great tutors.” he said. Holly laughed, “I should hope so! Nearly twenty years in school and I wasn’t even done yet.”

Ori blinked and Dori sputtered, “What would you need all that learnin’ for?” He huffed and shook his head, “She’s as bad as you,” he added in an aside as he led his pony forward.

They started moving again, but Ori remained by her side. “I always did mean to ask, lady,” he began hesitantly, “But I’ve never heard of the country you said you come from. Would you tell me about it?”

Holly hedged, “Well, it’s very far from here.” She patted Clara’s neck absentmindedly as they began to walk forward. Once there was enough room she mounted, something she’d gotten good enough at that she hardly had to think about it any more.

As they began to ride, Ori persisted in his questions.“But what’s it _like_? You’ll pardon me for saying so, but you’re very different from other women.” he asked eagerly. His eyes were so hopeful and curious, but still she hesitated.

“Yeah, I’m curious too.” Kili said, pulling back his pony to ride beside her and Ori. “You are a bit strange...er, I mean,” Here Kili seemed to realize he was being a bit blunt as Holly cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

“Foreign! You’re different Lady Holly.” She rolled her eyes at him but sighed.

“What’s so strange about me, huh?” She asked with a laugh, trying to get them on another subject.

“Well your clothes for one,” Ori replied seriously, “Did you make them yourself? What materials are they made from?”

“And your pack! I’ve never seen the like before. The fastenings are so useful looking.” Kili added.

Holly couldn’t help it, she laughed loud and hard, missing the grins Kili and Ori shot one another.

“Okay, okay, so I’m different. My people make a lot of different things I doubt you’ve ever seen before, even with some of the amazing things dwarves can make.” She said, watching them puff up with pride at her last comment.

“I didn't make any of it, and I would have no clue how to go about it either. My jeans, er, I mean my trousers are made from cotton, I think? The material is called denim. They’re common everyday wear where I come from.”  Holly shrugged, “My bag is called a backpack, and it’s also a common thing to see for students. Mine is a bit sturdier and meant to relieve the pain of carrying lots of books around.”

She tapped a padded shoulder strap and then tapped the zipper, “This is a zipper. Not sure how they’re made, but they’re also a common fastener, used in everything from clothes to bags. Faster than doing up a ton of buttons.”

The two young dwarves listened intently as she told them about her clothes and other strange items. Ori was a little put out that she could not tell him him more about some of the materials.

“Your people must be master craftsmen.” Kili frowned at Holly. The woman shrugged and then sighed, “Truthfully I suppose we are, at least in some things.”

She grew quiet again as she thought of all the luxuries she was missing, and may never see again. Electricity for one. Not to mention all the huge variety of foods she’d always taken for granted. Who knows if she'd ever taste coconuts or bananas or any other tropical fruit again?

She sighed and rolled her shoulders. Homesickness seemed to be her constant companion lately.

* * *

If she had thought that traveling through the Shire and Eregion had been tiring, traveling through the foothills of the Misty Mountains was exhausting. Her asthma was certainly not helping in that regard. The air was much thinner and she often felt out of breath. It left her even quieter than usual, though not once did she complain about it. She hadn’t got an attack yet thankfully, just the usual tightness in her chest when she exerted herself.

Thankfully the hills slowly gave way to one steep continuous slope dotted only with heather and the crumbling bottom of the mountain itself. Climbing ever upwards took so much of Holly’s concentration and energy that most of the time she saved her breath and stayed silent.

Gandalf bade them to watch for the road. “We are on the very edge of the Wild now, and the Misty Mountains are treacherous to cross even on the correct path. Keep a sharp eye now! We are expected.”

This was easier said than done however as the ground opened suddenly in places to reveal deep dark ravines and canyons so deep and twisty the company couldn’t make out the bottom. Some even had trees and water running along the bottoms.

Holly had no idea why she had assumed Rivendell would be easy to find. After all, it was a hidden valley, but she was quickly disabused of that notion as the day grew longer.

“Look! Is that the path! The white stones there.” Bilbo suddenly called, bringing Thorin’s attention to a series of white rocks nestled amongst the heather and moss. These markers were welcome, but following them proved to be tricky since many had grown over with moss and been covered with dirt. Even with Gandalf’s guidance it was not at a fast pace that they traveled. Frustrated, Thorin sent Nori and Bifur ahead to scout the path.

It grew darker as the day was drawn to a close, though Gandalf insisted they were not far from the Valley.

“Here!” Gandalf called suddenly, and Holly felt her spirits lift a bit. Quickly, the company dismounted and drew close to narrow ravine that cut into the ground. Peering over the edge they could vaguely make out the tops of trees and hear the rush of water. In the distance a warm light shone. Holly could just make it out in the gathering darkness.

Getting _down_ however turned out to be nearly as bad going as following the badly marked path in the first place. The path was steep and the ponies often slipped and stumbled, forcing all of them to dismount and lead the wearied animals down. The path zig zagged back and forth and the steep drops caused Holly to feel faint when she accidentally looked upon them.

However as they descended, a feeling of warmth and relaxation diffused through the group. The path evened out and the group mounted once again as trees rose steadily on either side. Bilbo nearly nodded off on the back of his pony.

Then they were at the bottom, a glade stretched before them with soft grass and a stream in the distance. Holly fancied that she could hear the trees whispering and laughing softly in the breeze.

Then to her utter astonishment, the trees began to _sing_.

No, not the trees. _Elves_!

As they meandered on the voices giggled, cajoled, and teased. They were heart-breakingly beautiful, for all the subject was nonsensical and light-hearted. Once or twice her heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she caught a flash of pale skin and flowing hair flashing amidst the branches. They called some of the dwarves and Bilbo by name, and teased them about their long beards and Bilbo about his weariness.

Then suddenly there was an elf on the path before them.

“Welcome! Welcome to the Valley!” He called to the group, a smile upon his lips and his eyes twinkling in the dark. He had long dark hair pulled back from his face, which revealed delicately pointed ears.

Holly barely took in what was said after that as she couldn’t help but stare as more elves appeared smiling and laughing around the group. Quicker than moonlight and more fey.

They soon began moving again, this time with a laughing  and devastatingly beautiful vanguard. Holly hardly realized she was still staring until one of the elves winked cheerfully at her and teased, “Better make sure Lady Holly closes her mouth or she will be catching fireflies with it agape like that!” Then he tossed his hair over his shoulder in such a flamboyant way that she dissolved into giggles.

“No need to catch them like that!” Another called, then gracefully darted to her pony and held out a hand, which indeed held a firefly in his palm.” She hesitantly reached out only for the elf to grasp her hand and deposit the gently glowing bug there. She had only a second to marvel at the softness of the elf’s skin before he was darting away and teasing Thorin over the length of his beard and Bilbo over eating too many cakes.

The bug soon flew off, but with it went Holly’s shock. She smiled and hid her laughter as best she could as the elves continued to crack jokes at the company’s expense.

They soon came upon a narrow bridge of stone with no parapet and most of their guides promptly vanished as swiftly and silently as they’d come upon them. Gandalf chided them for the teasing, which only elicited more giggles and laughter shaking the trees.

The bridge was too narrow to go across in anything but single file leading one’s pony behind them carefully and slowly. Then suddenly before them was a grand house from which golden light poured and the doors lay open before them.

* * *

 

Elrond himself was their to greet them and bid them to sup with him. Their ponies were led off and relieved of their burdens. His eyes barely turned in Holly’s direction though, much to her secret gratitude. He, Thorin, Balin, and Gandalf quickly retreated elsewhere. The company’s belongings were carried off by servants and the rest of the group were led to a great hall filled with low benches and tables brimming with food.

The hall was filled with elves and also a few tall dark men with grey eyes, but all seemed relaxed and merry. There wasn’t much ceremony to attend on and seats were taken wherever they could be found. Holly found herself surrounded by Bilbo, Ori, Dori, and Gloin as they settled in to eat.

The food was magnificent. The best Holly had experienced since she had come to Middle Earth. There was bread, cheese, soft butter, fruit, meat, fish, and salad. Bilbo looked close to tears over the variety and tucked in without hesitation. Holly indulged in the greens, much to Ori’s consternation. She had craved greens more than she thought possible.

She spotted a bowl of mushrooms about the same time Bilbo did and they both reached for it at the same time. Holly laughed, much to Bilbo’s bemusement. She had forgotten hobbits had a fondness for mushrooms. Being the gentlehobbit he was, Bilbo insisted she serve herself first, but she made sure to leave the majority for him.

With the food came excellent wine, cool fruit juices, and plenty of beer too. She indulged in these things and eventually was full and pleasantly buzzed to top it off. An elf maid appeared at her elbow just as she felt she was about to pass out at the table and sleep with her head in the bread basket.

“A room has been prepared Lady, if you’ll follow me?” She said with a smile. She was pretty, with golden hair and blue eyes. Well all, elves were pretty, Holly thought muzzily. She was led through corridors and halls, past paintings and tapestries Holly yearned to examine, but was too tired to contemplate.

The house seemed to be designed with nature and openness in mind. Half the corridors were open to the night air or opened onto courtyards and gardens that filled the air with the sweet scent of growing things.

The room she was shown to was bigger than any she’d ever called her own, but the first thing that caught her eye was a softly steaming tub off to one side.

“Oh thank you!” She gasped in delight. Her guide laughed, “It was thought you would appreciate it after such a journey. After you have finished, you merely need to pull the plug and the water will drain away to the gardens. There are some spare garments in the wardrobe. Please consider anything and everything in this room to be for your own particular use.”  She gave a little bow and then left Holly to her own devices.

There was something very much like a nightgown in the wardrobe and soft cloths folded neatly on the bench near the tub along with a wooden box of stoppered jars. There was a vanity with an actual metal mirror, comb, brush, and something she suspected was a toothbrush with soft chalky powder in a wooden box beside it. A chamber pot lay discretely to the side of the room behind a folding screen.

Holly wasted no more time in stripping and getting clean. It was a pleasure akin to ecstasy, being wonderfully and fully clean after a month of travel. She was glad the light was dim (only a candle and a small fire lit the room). She also washed her clothes in the water, and then hung them on a wooden rack she found near the fire.

The nightgown thing was wonderfully soft and she rubbed her hands over it in delight. The bed was even softer.

She fell asleep faster than she had planned too, and woke with her hair a mess and the soft light of morning pouring in through a window. There was a basin of water at the vanity, and she washed her hands and face.

Her hair seemed much better behaved than usual, and only a quick brushing was needed to set it straight. She marveled at how much it had grown in a month. It covered her ears now. She’d always had ridiculously fast growing hair, which had only meant getting it trimmed every few months to keep her pixie cut. She hesitated to cut it now though, since she knew it would be chilly up in the mountains.

Her clothes were still a bit damp, but another more thorough exploration of the wardrobe yielded three dresses in blue, grey, and brown. She chose the grey one. She figured the nightgown thing was probably a kind of undergarment. She felt a bit strange going without a bra, but the garment did seem to support her body just fine. The dress was a little long and tight in the bosom but otherwise fit alright. There were also some soft slippers that didn’t fit all that well, but were better than nothing.  

She did wish she had some deodorant and a razor though. She had discovered a folding straight razor in the draw of the vanity but had she was leary of using such a thing. She would kill for even a shitty one blade disposable. Her legs had gone past prickly and entered Bigfoot territory, not to mention under her arms...

All dressed and cleaner than she’d been in ages, Holly realized she was quite hungry. She was also filled with more energy than she could remember having for ages. This was Rivendell! She wanted to explore. She wished desperately that she had her camera or her phone…Instead she dug out her notebook and some pencils and pens. She could draw, and that would have to suffice.

She pushed those thoughts away and instead began to explore. She paused at anything that caught her eye, which were mostly amazingly detailed paintings. Though she also stopped to admire a courtyard with delicate stone work and an alcove that featured a statue of a beautiful elven woman.

However her empty stomach and the faint hint of fresh bread wafting in the air kept her moving. Her nose led her through the halls and soon enough she found the room where they had eaten last night. There was more food laid out, and she helped herself to tea and bread with butter and jam. She saw none of her companions, but then there were only a few people out in the hall. It was quite early and she figured they were probably sleeping in.

She tucked some food in her pocket for later and continued on her way, feeling the lure of this magical place with every step she took. She let her feet lead her wherever, examining whatever happened to capture her eye. Nobody stopped her, and she relished the freedom of being alone for the first time in weeks.

Soon enough her feet led her outside and into a set of beautiful gardens brimming with flowers and trees. She laughed in sheer delight and bent to examine the blooms and walked deeper into the shade.

This was such a lovely place, and she wished that they would never have to leave.

* * *

Holly passed the day sketching things and exploring. Only once did she bump into Bilbo around lunch time when she was lured back to the hall for food and spent a pleasant hour in the hobbit’s company.  Everyone else she only caught glimpses of at best as they pursued their own relaxation or in the case of Thorin and Balin, Elrond’s counsel.

She had hoped to speak with Gandalf but the wizard was being frustratingly cagey. She had seen him twice, but the first time she approached he had brushed her off, and the second he vanished around a corner faster than she could call out to him.

Annoyed, she went back to her room only to find an elleth gathering her clothes. “Hello!” she said cheerfully, “We thought you might like your clothes washed and mended.” Holly blushed, seeing as the elleth had a bra in her hand and was examining it with interest. “Er, yes, thank you!” She managed, fighting down a blush.

“I can help!” Holly exclaimed, taking a step forward as the elleth deftly gathered all her things in a basket, but she merely shook her head, “You’ve traveled a long way and it is only a little thing. We shall have them returned to you soon enough.”

“Thank you.” Holly gave in as gracefully as she could, “Um, I’m Holly.” The elleth smiled, “Eleniel. Do not hesitate to ask for me if you need anything at all.”

“Oh actually, where might I find the latrine?” She asked, a bit embarrassed, but Eleniel merely gave her the directions and then swept out of the door and down the hall.

She visited said latrine, which was a relief after holding it in all day, and then finding herself tired, went back to her room.

She only meant to take a short nap, but instead she found herself waking in the early dawn of the next day. Feeling much refreshed, she once again set out exploring with her notebook.  

This time she asked a passing elf for directions to the ponies and found Clara happy and well under the care of a cheerful dark haired elf. She offered to help brush the ponies out and he happily handed her a brush and let her get to work.

She soon found that her elvish companion had a wicked sense of humor about the dwarves, which caused Holly to be breathless with laughter when he enquired whether her companions often tripped over their beards, and if they chose their ponies so they would match their hair.

The elves here certainly were much different from what she’d expected. Certainly they were beings of great beauty, and at times the way they moved was ethereal and almost predator-like, but they also loved laughter and singing and were much like mischievous children in the way they teased and joked.

Which was proved to her again when the elf sang a song about dwarvish height being relative to the length of their beards. He grinned widely when she complimented him through her snickers and then introduced himself as Lindir.

Holly was glad she had already been giggling uncontrollably because the thought of meeting a known elf and finding him to be ridiculous was almost too much.

“And might I have the pleasure of your name?” Holly leaned on Clara’s neck and tried to get control of her laughter. 

“I’m Holly.” She managed after a few moments.

“It is a pleasure to meet someone who finds my jokes funny!” he grinned at her.

“Ai! That is only because the rest of us have had to suffer your type of humor for far too long!” An elleth Holly hadn’t met yet called as she entered the stable.

“Now Mireth…”

“Don’t you ‘now Mireth’ me! I see you’re causing your usual kind of mischief.” She said as she approached, then her eyes narrowed and she addressed Holly.

“And what has happened here?” She gestured to Holly’s bandaged hands.

“Ah, just some scrapes from a fall I had on the way here.” Holly replied, a bit taken aback.

“Hm.” Mireth said, “Did you have them looked at?” Holly nodded, “By Oin, our healer. They don’t hurt anymore and I think he did say I could remove the bandages. I just forgot.”  She said sheepishly.

“Well, I can take care of that. I am also a healer. My name is Mireth.” She said, gesturing for Holly to follow her. “Erestor was looking for you Lindir. I thought I would tell you since I was headed this way.”  Lindir nodded and waved farewell at Holly who smiled back. “It was nice to meet you!” She said over her shoulder as she followed Mireth.

The elleth led her to an area she’d not been to before and explained that this was where the sick and injured were treated. Holly’s bandages were removed, and Mireth examined the new skin with a critical eye, but said that Oin had done a good job and that Holly only needed to be more careful in the future.

“I’ll just apply some salve to help protect the skin, but it is best if you let it heal the rest of the way in the open air…” She went on, applying some slave to Holly’s hands and rubbing it in.

“Thank you.” Holly told her, marveling at how soft her skin now felt. Mireth smiled and gave her the small jar with directions to use it once a day before bed for the next few days.

She went to drop the jar off in her room and found a basket full of her clothes waiting on her bed. She felt almost spoiled by how well the elves were taking care of her, and when she examined her clothes more closely she also saw that they had been mended neatly and skillfully.

She knew how to sew a little, but had not had any materials to do so while they traveled. Even as she thought this she found a little bag at the bottom with a few bobbins of thread and a packet of needles. Unbidden, tears rose to her eyes at the small kindness and she made sure to carefully pack the sewing kit away for future use.

* * *

“And the woman? Who is she? I had not looked to find a human female amongst such a group.” Elrond asked, one night after other advice had been sought. His brow furrowed, “It is not an easy task you seek to complete. One might question the wisdom of bringing a woman along.” He raised an eyebrow.

Thorin exchanged an uneasy glance with Balin. Neither wanted particularly to divulge all of the company's secrets, however it was true that it was highly unusual for a human woman to travel any distance. Certainly not one of her age, and even more certainly not amongst a group of dwarves.

“Ah, you see my Lord Elrond, the woman has a touch of foresight about her. Stronger than most mortals.” Gandalf replied easily. The elf Lord inclined his head, “I see. It is uncommon now to see a human with such gifts, and certainly not in any strength. Where is she from?”

“A distant land.” Gandalf replied vaguely.

“Ah Mithrandir, I’ve know you too long to not recognize when you’re trying to direct my attention elsewhere.” Elrond said, amusement written across his face.

Thorin cleared his throat, catching their host’s attention. “She is without kin. I have claimed responsibility for her.” He asserted. Balin shifted in the seat next to him and added, “Aye, we’ve all grown fond of the lass.”

Elrond heard the statement for what it was and did not press further. “Interesting,” he remarked, and changed the subject.

* * *

When Thorin saw Holly next he didn’t at first recognize her. It had been several days since they arrived in Rivendell but he had been busy with plans for their journey and gaining Elrond’s advice. Therefore he had been locked away in private counsel and hadn’t seen much of his Company.  

As much as it galled him to take advice from an Elf, Lord Elrond was different from the rest of the elves he had dealt with in his life. It would be foolish to disregard his advice, even if he still looked upon it with suspicion (he wasn’t completely foolish...elves weren’t to be trusted).

He’d been sitting in a garden nook smoking when she crossed into his view, and she hadn’t yet noticed him there. She was clearly admiring the gardens and she held her strange book and writing implements in her hands. As he watched, she settled on the grass under a tree and began working on the page. Drawing, he realized a bit startled. He hadn’t known she had any skill in it.

Thorin had never seen her in anything other than her strange garments and her hair was usually covered by a strange patterned handkerchief. He certainly had never seen her clean hair unbound and blowing in the wind. It had grown some in the month they had been traveling, and curled fetchingly around her face, though even as he watched she pushed it out of her eyes in irritation.

She had made the most of their elvish host’s hospitality. She was free from any sign of the dirt and grit of travel. He had always thought her rather fussy; too much like an elf in truth. Holly had the habit of washing quite frequently at every opportunity they had along their road. However, he couldn’t deny that cleanliness suited her, though he still couldn’t understand her insistence upon it.

The dress she wore was of elvish design true, but in a flattering color of blue. It was modest, but utterly feminine. She smiled slightly to herself and looked up at the flowers before her for a moment before looking down at the page and moving her pen across the paper in sure ven strokes. Her hands were graceful and sure in their craft and he recognized her skill in the way she moved even though he could not see the page. 

A strange feeling filled his stomach as he gazed upon her. The light from the sun behind her rested upon her brow and glowed along her hands. Her hair kept catching his eye as the light picked out strands of varying colors in her hair and the wind blew them gently to and fro.

 It was a sight he couldn’t help but admire. Too often he had seen her looking unhappy and exhausted. In this rare moment of relaxation and happiness she seemed softened and more approachable; not so strange and foreign.

He tapped out the burnt remains of pipe weed in his pipe and stowed it away. He wasn’t sure what made him do it, but he found himself drawing closer to her. She still did not seem to notice so he cleared his throat.

“Oh!” Holly gasped, flinching a bit and looking up startled. Her light brown eyes were wide and a bit chagrined. “I didn’t see you there. Good morning!” She said.

“That is quite good.” Thorin said, which confused her for a moment until she realized he meant her drawing. “Oh this, well I...I guess I can draw a little.” She gestured towards the sketch she’d been working on. She shaded her eyes as she looked up at him, curious as to why he would seek her out.

Finding himself at a loss for words, Thorin simply nodded his head and continued on, leaving Holly to blink at his retreating back.

“Oh wait!” Holly called, her heart leaping in her chest. She scrambled to her feet, nearly tripping over the skirts. She wasn’t used to wearing them and they were a little long on her. She felt a little bare under his intimidating gaze, acutely aware she looked quite different from how she usually did.

“I-I needed to speak with you.” She stumbled over the words, feeling her anxiety rise, but knowing she had to do this. She had to tell him a little of what was to come.

She’d meant to speak with Gandalf first, but the Wizard was nowhere to be found over the last few days. She knew they were going to be here for awhile yet, perhaps another week and a half if her memory served her well, and she wanted to speak with him before they left.

He looked expectantly at her and she realized he expected her to speak _now._ She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, “Later? It’s very important and,” she hesitated, “probably not something that should be discussed where just anybody can hear. MAybe Balin can also be there?”  She tacked on hurriedly, hoping the older dwarf could be a buffer between her and Thorin.

Thorin frowned but nodded, “You’ve had some vision?” He asked. Holly nodded, a heavy feeling in her stomach.

“Very well. Tonight then, after dinner when everyone is otherwise occupied in the Hall of Fire. Seek me out then.” he told her, and then turned away again.

Holly took a deep breath and then opened her notebook again, this time flipping to the page with her lists. Time to decide precisely what she was going to tell Thorin and Balin. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter: I don’t know why exactly but this chapter didn’t want to play out. I kept getting ideas for later on in the story so I had to write those down and subsequently I have forty pages of material for various other points in the plot but not much for this chapter. ^^; Some may or may not make it into the final story. Maybe I’ll post a side fic for extra scenes later on down the road.
> 
> I know so many oc’s get to meet Elrond and chat with him and get all buddy buddy with Arwen. But this probably would not happen. She’s only an unremarkable human woman. She is not a famous lady/warrior/elf. She shouldn’t warrant much more than curiosity. So Holly doesn’t.
> 
> I relied heavily on the book and movies for descriptions. I hope y’all got my little shout outs to boz4pm. I might have borrowed some of her headcanon and an elleth...or two haha. Eleniel and Mireth.
> 
> Holly and Co will be here for at least one more chapter, perhaps two before they tackle the Misty Mountains! However I didn’t want y’all to wait much longer and decided to put this out even though I wasn’t quite satisfied. Hope you still like it, and a huge THANK YOU to all who leave kudos/reviews/comments/faves for my story.


	11. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whoops. Realized a bit of last chapter was meant to be expanded on and added to this chapter. I fixed it and hope it didn’t cause any confusion. I often write scenes out of chronological order and sometimes I forget to move paragraphs around ^^; I also apologize for the length of time between chapters. I’m in the last year of my master’s program and I’ve been immensely busy. T-T But I haven’t given up on this, promise. Thanks so much for everyone who reads this and leaves feedback/encouragement!
> 
> “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” -Washington Irving

Holly worried her lip with her teeth as she looked over her notes again. She had skipped dinner entirely because her stomach was too busy tying itself in knots while she tried to think of how she could possibly phrase things so they would convince Thorin of the danger ahead. Perhaps Balin’s presence would be helpful, but she now had the challenge of convincing, not one, but two dwarves.

She sighed and let her head rest in her hands. She felt so useless and helpless. She knew, that if her friend was in a situation like this, she would probably tell them to just tell the truth, because most problems stem from a lack of communication and transparency. But this wasn’t an ordinary situation. This was a situation that could condemn the entire world, and Holly didn’t feel qualified to be in the position she found herself in.

She could not, in good conscience, warn him of the goblins. Could she? Bilbo had to find the ring. It was bad enough she would have to tell him something, but explaining the War of the Ring on top of just this quest was not on her to-do list.

That was one thing she could not mess with. Too much rode on that. Therefore, although the thought of being along with them when this happened filled her with dread, she had resolved to not say a word about it.

On the other hand, she wasn’t sure about whether the fiasco with the elves in Mirkwood was entirely necessary to experience, but she also wasn’t sure there was really a way around it. Perhaps she could help keep them all on the path and keep Bombur from falling in the river? Once again, this was a point she decided to remain mum on.

The Battle of the Five Armies though, and the events directly after Smaug’s defeat, that she could warn him about. Indirectly. 

Or not. This was just too much for her...she wasn’t supposed to be some kind of savior! She was supposed to be worrying about her term bill, her stupid part time job, and her exams! She yanked on her hair and groaned in frustration.

She really needed the advice of Gandalf, or barring that, she needed somebody who could help her figure this out. She’d go straight to Elrond, but he was another person who might act very differently if he had foreknowledge. Plus it wasn’t exactly like she knew him. She hadn’t said one word to the guy.

Holly felt tears pricking her eyes again. This was just too much for one person. However, telling the truth, would mean admitting that she had been lying to Thorin and his company for their entire journey so far. She didn’t think he would take it well. She also didn’t think the truth would necessarily help. 

Sure. Just say,‘Hey Thorin, I’m a time traveler and I know all about your family’s history of insanity’ and he’s likely renege his promise to keep her safe and leave her with the elves…

On second thought...she sighed again. No, he was too much a man of his word type to abandon her. It was really tempting to try and stay here in safe cozy Rivendell, but she couldn’t let them all go off without her now. It was just wrong. She didn’t think she could stand sitting around worrying about her friends. Because that’s what they’d become, friends, or at least people she knew and kind of got along with. 

Grr. This was so complicated.

When in doubt, make notes, she thought wryly. Holly picked up her pen to make a few more notations and then rewrote in shorthand all her notes so that they fit on one sheet of paper. She folded it and tucked in into her pocket and then took a deep breath and headed towards the Hall.

Okay, so the plan. She was going to tell Thorin she saw him slipping into madness upon coming in contact with the treasure, and that she saw a battle in the future after they reclaimed the mountain. Keep it vague.

Her heart felt heavy, but she knew this was the best she could do for now.

* * *

Thorin was definitely annoyed with her, she thought as she approached him and Balin. In all fairness, she had kept him waiting after insisting on meeting with him. Her feet had seem to drag on her trip down the halls though. She had half hoped to snag Gandalf along with her, but the infuriating wizard was nowhere to be seen.

_ Okay, how bad can this get?  _ She asked herself.

_ Pretty bad _ . She thought, nervously watching Thorin’s eyebrows furrowing. She hadn’t said a word yet and he already looked grouchy. She cleared her throat nervously.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere a wee bit more private?” Balin asked, cutting her off, and Thorin only grunted in acknowledgement before spinning on his heel and impatiently waving for them to follow.

Holly knew her face must show her apprehension because Balin took an extra moment to pat her arm and steer her towards where Thorin was hustling off to.

He led them to a small room that seemed like a private study. A table lay in the center with a few chairs. Some maps lay upon it and there was a set of bookshelves in the corner. There weren’t any windows, and it was only lighted by the candle Balin had lit from a torch by the door. 

Thorin caught her curious glance and waved his hand peremptorily in the air as he explained, “We won’t be disturbed here. Lord Elrond has set aside this room for me to use while I’m here to discuss plans.”

He paused and waved for everyone to sit. Balin sat beside Thorin which put her directly across from them.  _ Not intimidating at all _ , she thought sarcastically as she licked her lips.

“You had something to tell us? Your gift warned you of something?” Balin prompted gently. The old dwarrow’s eyes were kind, but still firm. Holly grimaced.

“Y-yes.” She said hesitantly, then accidentally met Thorin’s gaze. Meeting his eyes was always so intense. He always seemed like he was judging her very soul.

A blush rose unbidden on her cheeks and she looked away uncomfortably. 

“I need to warn you about some things” Holly said then  took a deep breath and began again, “I know some things that will come to pass. Some things that you must take seriously.” 

Balin nodded solemnly but Thorin’s face remained implacable. 

“I have foreseen that your line will end, if you don’t change the course you are on, and it will be caused by your failure to take proper precautions…”

* * *

Holly told them she had foreseen Thorin’s and his nephews’ deaths. She told him it stemmed from a series of choices he made under the influence of a kind of gold-fever, and that there was a battle after they reclaimed the mountain.

When she ended, Balin’s face looked more drawn and tired than she’d ever seen it, but Thorin...he looked absolutely furious. 

“You have seen this? With certainty? You think me mad?!” He demanded, and Holly hesitated. That hesitation was enough to make Thorin’s eyes turn icy. She flinched under his gaze.

Thorin scoffed, “I am no weakling to succumb to such.” He got to his feet and Balin rose with his hands held up placatingly, but Thorin cut him off before he could speak, “I’ll not take the word of a useless  _ witch. _ ” He spat, “When she is not telling the whole truth, and has so many of her own secrets,” he turned to leave. 

Holly blanched, tears in her eyes, but anger rose in her chest as well, the heat of it combined with all the stress she already felt, kept them from falling and instead caused her to want to  _ make him listen. _

“At least I am wise enough to listen and not reject advice just because I’m too arrogant to believe I might have a weakness. Gandalf believes in me, why can’t you?!” Holly said, injecting her own voice with enough anger to stop him cold and make Balin look at her in startled surprise.

Thorin opened his mouth but she cut him off, slamming her hands on the table and getting to her feet. She felt a vindictive stab of pleasure that she had a few inches on him as she glared downwards.

“No! I don’t care. Fuck you Thorin! I warned you, and that’s my job. I think you’re a moron for not listening and practicing some common sense, but now it’s on you.” She trembled with anger.

“How dare-“ he began, his voice rising in fury, but she quickly cut him off again.

“I dare because I know you will die, and so will many others, if you do nothing. I dare because I care about what happens to you! B-because it matters!” Her voice was tight, and she could hold back no longer. They held eye contact, each far too angry to give in to the other.

But the sting of tears could not be held back for long. They fell even as she gave him the coldest look she could muster, “I can’t tell you everything. But you can trust me. I don’t want to see anyone hurt. Least of all you.” She wiped her eyes furiously and straightened with all the dignity she could muster. 

She could see she’d stunned them both, and Thorin especially. She couldn’t bear to be in the room a moment longer though. She was so angry and upset.

Holly didn’t let him reply before turning and leaving the room, a sob breaking through her control. The door slammed ominously behind her, the sound damning in the silence.

Thorin startled as if from a trance at the sound, then made to follow but Balin gripped his arm.

“Nay, best let the lass regain herself.” He said quietly. 

“That impertinent-!” Thorin said angrily but choked off in his fury. Balin shook his head, “I know she could have said some of that a bit more...diplomatically,” he said. “But Thorin, she really does seem to care for what happens to the company and this has obviously been weighing heavily on her mind for some time.” 

He paused and looked at the candle guttering on the table, “Like it or not, there is some truth to her words of warning.” 

Thorin clenched his fists, but did not have a reply. Balin sighed and got to his feet. 

“I think it best we all take some time to think this new information over.” 

Thorin remained frozen but radiating anger as Balin took his leave, shaking his head slightly. Dwarrows were a stubborn lot, but he had never met one quite as hard headed as Thorin. 

His heart went out to Holly, though he also knew Thorin was partly right in that the girl was keeping secrets. However he didn’t think they were necessarily bad secrets. She’s been wounded deeply, and wounds of the heart healed much more slowly than ones of the body. 

Young people. He thought wryly, spent too much time getting worked up over things. He was so glad he wasn’t young anymore! 

Well mostly. He could do without his back and joints aching. He huffed a soft laugh and then sighed and went to look for his bed.

* * *

Thorin remained in the room, the candle throwing deep shadows. Broodingly he sat back down and scowled at the wax dripping down.

He was angry. How dare she! Some slip of a little girl, how dare she presume to speak of the...unspeakable. Of his grandfather’s downfall. The madness that haunted his line.

How dare she tell him he would fall the same way. He was not weak. 

_ Aye, but she didn’t call you weak, did she? _ He thought, scowling.  _ She is worried about me, about my sister’s sons... _

He got up abruptly and left. Sniffing the candle out with unnecessary vehemence.

He turned the corner of the hall in a huff and continued stomping until he reached a quiet spot where he could pull out his pipe and smoke in peace. 

After a time, he realized he was being quite foolish. The woman got under his skin. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he knew she did. 

Ah but that was a lie, and Thorin Oakenshield was no liar, even to himself. He liked her, but he did not  _ want _ to like her. She was a distraction at best, and could spell ruin for him and his kin at worst. 

Therein lay his problem. He didn’t want to worry for her, but he couldn’t seem to help it. She and the Halfling were similar in that respect, only Holly had proven she was not afraid of toil or stepping up to deal with whatever life sent her way.  

Clumsy and accident prone, yes, but she was no whinger. She was ridiculously stubborn and independent. Their argument had only proven how headstrong she was. 

She may be the first female to ever stand up to him in that way, besides his sister. There was so much strength within her; a trait he’d found lacking in other humans. If she was indeed Valar sent, they could not have picked a better candidate for dealing with a group of stubborn dwarves. 

He would be a fool to disregard her warning. This was why Gandalf had pressed to have her along. He had no reason to suspect either the woman or wizard of lying, though he knew with certainty that neither of them had told the entire truth either. 

_ You don’t exactly make it easy for her to approach you. _

Fili’s words echoed in his mind and he sighed around the stem of his pipe. No, he thought he was rather in the right to keep her at a distance. She was already caught up enough in his affairs. No need to drag her further down and in. 

It was nothing he hadn’t already worried over himself, her warning. He hadn’t made it this far on the assumption that everyone would make it out unscathed. Her tearful plea for him to take her seriously was playing out in his mind again. 

He didn’t think it was possible for one to feel so deeply and not be perfectly genuine. He knew his sister’s sons were fond of her. Quite a few of the Company were, truth be told. It seemed as if that fondness ran both ways. 

He was still angry, but not at her so much, he realized. Warning him of the madness did little good.The battle she had warned of was not surprising, but little could be done for that either as no one would come until the dragon had been slain, and he would not wish for others to swarm over Erebor like so many flies drawn to a carcass. 

The best defense lay in finding a solution to the first problem, but how was one supposed to avoid a trap of one’s own mind? 

He sputtered as he inhaled a lungful of smoke a little too deeply. 

He did not dare go to Elrond for advice as he still did not quite trust him. He could approach the wizard, who may have some trick or magic to help protect them.

However the easiest solution was also the most irritating.

The treasure would have to be avoided, once secured...but he needed the Arkenstone. He needed the symbol of his people, and he had to look for it. He had to find it. He just had to.

He sighed again, and reluctantly acknowledged to himself that he needed to seek out Balin and Gandalf in the morn. 

* * *

Thorin avoided Holly over the next few days, not wishing to speak to her so soon after he’d made an ass of himself. He wasn’t sure how to approach the issue with her again. He didn’t want to involve her, but as Balin had very quickly pointed out, she was involved whether he wanted her to be or no.

“As much as you may dislike it, there are at least three amongst the group who may not feel the lure so strongly, yes?” Balin said working the problem over in his mind, “Neither the halfling, the woman, or the wizard value gold and treasure the way a dwarrow does, down in his bones.”

Thorin reluctantly agreed, but still did not know how to approach the members of his company who he trusted the least. Gandalf had already made it clear that he might not be available to help, in his own vague way. Wizards were slippery with their talk; they always spoke in riddles.

It didn’t help matters that Holly was also avoiding him to the best of her ability. She had outright turned around and fled the first time he’d seen her since their meeting. This caused him to be in a foul mood the rest of the day and snap at his nephews. 

How to approach her and ask for help?

* * *

Rivendell was indeed a perfect place for pursuing any type of leisure and relaxation and Holly loved it. She could easily see herself whiling away many days here. There was something uplifting about the place, even when her spirits were generally down after the catastrophe of a conversation she’d had with Thorin.

She spent some time with the Company, but mostly she spent the time alone.

Reading had always been a pastime of her’s, and here there were so many books. She found she could only read those written in the Common Tongue, and even reading those gave her a headache after awhile. Clearly using whatever magic allowed her to read and understand others in the first place took a toll. She should have known; nothing ever came without a price.

She didn’t do it often, but if she concentrated, she could make out the differences between English and Westron. It made her head hurt, but she could do it. 

It did make her wonder, if this gift would stick around forever. Somehow, something in her gut told her it might not, so she spent some time pulling out the alphabet and studying the sounds by writing them down in her notebook.

But despite all the leisure and relaxation that she had sorely needed, she found herself feeling somewhat restless. Her mind kept turning back to the one problem she needed to solve and couldn’t bring herself to face.

Thorin had been avoiding her and she had been avoiding him, but they couldn’t keep on like that indefinitely. It was childish of her, she knew, but she didn’t want to face him so soon. He always made her feel like crying in a way nobody else ever had. 

Stubborn asshole.

It hurt because she knew he only wanted what was best for the company and his family. She couldn’t fault him that, but he seemed to greatly dislike her in particular.

She sighed and closed the book she was holding, no longer interested in the stories it told. 

If he didn’t make a move, she would have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> As someone pointed out recently, yes this is a ThorinXHolly pairing story, but in order to make it more realistic it’s going to be incredibly slow burn. Romance is the last thing on their minds right now, even if they can’t help being attracted to one another. Maybe I should warn y’all this story is more in the vein of Romeo and Juliet over Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy…though there are elements of both here ;)
> 
> Rivendell would be among the top places I would choose to visit out of all the magical worlds authors have dreamt up over the years.
> 
> Gandalf is often painted so nicely in other stories, but imho he’s a bit of a jerk, even if he has his reasons. He’s been a bit preoccupied with other things to bother with poor Holly.
> 
> I come back to the language issue here a bit. I have further plans down the line and it will be revisited. That’s all I’ll say for now.
> 
> THIS IS NOW PART OF A SERIES!!!
> 
> I have written a few drabbles that won't make it into the main story but may amuse you all the same. I've made a separate work for them. Please check it out. :)


	12. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Bet you didn’t expect to see another update so quickly from me haha Thanks for all the comments and support :)   
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit. I write this work of fanfiction solely for my own amusement and that of others.
> 
> “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”  
> -Stephen Covey

 

“Why is Uncle avoiding you?” Kili asked Holly, startling her from her book.

She stared at him for a moment, then sighed. “Is it that obvious?” She asked in return.

Unaccountably her question seemed to make him blush. His face and ears turned quite pink to her amusement

“W-well I couldn’t help but notice you see.” He stammered a bit. 

“Been keeping an eye on me?” Holly teased, which made Kili flush harder.

“N-no! Well, actually, y-yes, but-“ here he leaned down to whisper conspiratorially, “Only because I don’t trust these pointy ears.”

Holly laughed and he grinned back at her. Once her mirth had subsided she closed her book and gestured for him to join her on the bench. He sat down and she turned to face him a bit better.

“I wouldn’t let Bilbo hear you. You do realize his ears are pointed too?” She asked rhetorically, and Kili looked a bit abashed. 

“Well he’s not an elf, if you take my meaning,” He replied with a cheeky grin, “and I won’t let you change the subject! Uncle has been in a bad mood ever since you talked to him.”

“He’s not the only one.” Holly muttered. “No offense meant Kili, but your Uncle and I seem to get on each other’s last nerve and...well, I’m here for a reason and he still won’t listen to me.” She sighed again, shoulders hunching.

Kili looked at her in awe, “You had a vision?” He asked.

“Something like that.” Holly replied, avoiding his eyes.

“Well, I can’t help you with magic,” Kili said, “But in my long experience on the subject, avoiding Uncle will only make things worse in the long run.”

“You think so?” Holly asked, biting her lower lip again. Kili hesitantly laid a hand on her arm, “I do.” He said, then more hesitantly, continued, “He’s had a harder life than most. Harder than I can imagine, but he only ever wants to do right by our people. His heart is in the right place, even if he comes off harsh.” 

Holly softened as she listened to Kili. Obviously he looked up to and admired Thorin a great deal. She also knew he wasn’t wrong. She knew Thorin was a good person. 

She just had such a hard time with him because he always seemed to push all of her buttons and she his. Perhaps they’d just gotten off on the wrong foot, as he had also done with Bilbo. 

Yes Thorin was a good leader, but he wasn’t an easily likable man. He definitely had his rough spots, and she kept bumping unintentionally into them.

“Talk to him,” Kili said after another moment of silence, “it won’t do any good to leave here with ill feelings still between the two of you.” 

“When did you become so wise?” Holly joked weakly.

“Someone had to!” Came the cheeky reply, and she lightly bumped her shoulder into his.

* * *

Holly found Thorin outside smoking and she approached him with all the courage she could muster.

It was a pretty day, but Thorin did not seem to be enjoying it. He was brooding quite heavily over the stem of his pipe. He noticed her immediately, but wasn’t quite prepared when she sat next to him more familiarly than he thought she had a right to.

“I always seem to say the wrong thing around you.” She began, tugging on a lock of her hair nervously. His eyes were strangely drawn to it as she wrapped the strands around her slender fingers. 

He cleared his throat and turned his eyes away. “I seem to have the same issue.” He replied, frowning.

She looked a bit startled at the admission and he felt even more of an ass. Was he really so surly that she was surprised at a common bit of courtesy? 

Well, he supposed he could be at times.

An awkward silence descended and Holly sighed again into it.

“Why don’t we...start over?” Holly asked and Thorin couldn’t help the quirks of his lip, “Start over?” He inquired, pulling a little more smoke from his pipe.

He could see the frustration rising on her face already and he decided to humor her.

“Very well, Thorin Oakenshield, at your service.” He inclined his upper body towards her and she did the same. “Holly Argent, at your’s and your family’s,” she replied politely.

“I have been remiss, in my duty to you.” Thorin said after a moment, “I should not have taken out my anger on you, though you did sorely try my temper.” He blew out a cloud of smoke and then put out his pipe.

Holly reminded herself to take a deep breath, “You sorely tried mine as well, though I had no right to shout as I did, what’s the point of taking me on as a seer if you don’t listen when I give you advice?” 

Thorin turned his intense blue eyes on her again and she felt herself blush under his scrutiny, but forged on regardless.

“I know you feel somewhat responsible for me, but if I accepted that, then can you accept that I feel somewhat responsible to you? After all, your safety is paramount to my own well-being.”

Thorin brought his brows together in a furrow as he contemplated her words. “It’s not a question of safety. It’s a question of trust. You still hold back and keep secrets.”

Although she dearly wished to look away in guilt, Holly forced herself to meet his eyes and unconsciously leaned forward.

“I know you have little reason to believe in me besides Gandalf’s word,” she said a bit bitterly, “but I honestly wouldn’t wish harm on anyone in the company. Least of all you. I’ve committed myself to the success of our quest.”

Thorin regarded her a moment longer. She’d said something similar the night they had fought, and though this declaration was lacking the tears of the first, he still could not doubt her. He could see it in her eyes and in the way she held herself.

She was very sincere, that he could not doubt. “Then it is you I will charge with finding the Arkenstone, if you swear you will give it to me the moment you find it. You will most likely not feel the lure of the dragon-sickness as much as myself and my kin.” 

He had made up his mind. It was a gamble. He still wasn’t sure if it was the best plan, but Balin had made some good points, and strangely enough, it was this woman who he felt more inclined to trust than the wizard or the halfling. Despite what he’d said earlier, there was something about her that just felt good. She certainly had her own agenda, and her past was still unsettlingly murky, but she also seemed committed in a way neither of the other two non-dwarrows were. He could trust that at least.

“I swear it.” Holly replied in answer to his request, “I also swear to help you to the best of my abilities. However-“ she placed a hand on his arm, “Swear to me that you promise to listen to my warnings and not scoff or scorn me.” 

“You ask much of me.” Thorin said, narrowing his eyes.

“Not really,” Holly disagreed, “I just ask that you listen and think over what I say. I will not dictate what you do, because that is not my place. But you  _ will _ listen to me or you risk dooming us all.”

Again he was struck by her audacity to speak in that manner to him. In a way it was admirable; she refused to cower before him or let him sway her. Dis would definitely approve. He hoped they would never meet lest they join forces against him.

“I swear it.” He promised, for he could listen. It didn’t mean he would fully trust her. He did not. But until proven otherwise, he could listen to her advice. So far it had been nothing he hadn’t entertained the notion of anyway. 

Her hand slid from his arm and she leaned back so quickly that it brought his attention to how closely they were sitting a few moments ago. A waft of some perfumed scent, possibly from the soap she used to bath, rose in his nostrils and mixed pleasantly with the relaxing scent of pipeweed. 

He took a deeper breath involuntarily and watched as she rose and left.

He stayed brooding on the bench for several more hours, thinking over the presence of the woman in his company.

* * *

It was only a few more days later that it would be Midsummer. Holly could hardly believe two weeks had passed them by so quickly.

Everyone looked far better on that last day than they did on their first. The ponies seemed plumper and glossier. Their clothes had all been mended and their bodies rested. The rest had done them all a lot of good. She was sure Bilbo had put back on a few pounds, and even some of the deep lines on Thorin’s perpetually worried face had seemed to lighten.

They were given many things, mostly food and other provisions meant to travel lightly over the mountains. The elves encouraged her to take whatever she wished that had been provided for her use. She took all the soap and the comb, her own flimsy plastic one had been in bad shape to begin with and now was missing a few teeth. 

She took only one dress, to replace some of the clothes she had worn out and to have something less outlandish. She knew she was due to get her period again soon so she approached the elleth who had checked her hands and asked for something to help general pain so she could treat her cramps on her own. This had prompted a flurry of questions about her health until she had admitted the real reason with some embarrassment.

The elleth has merely provided her with a jar of some powder and another of honey and instructed her on the dosage.

Apparently the elves loved Midsummer for they put on quite the party on Midsummer’s eve. There was singing and dancing beneath the stars and more delicious food than you can imagine. The valley was lit up with torches and bonfires. The elves’ best singers came out and performed. Though she could not understand much of the words, the music moved Holly deeply.

Several times she was prevailed upon to dance and she gave in, despite not knowing how. The elves’ cheer was infectious and the dances for the most part lively and not all that complicated. Her inexpertise was only met with good natured teasing and helpful instruction.

Even the dwarves got swept up in the merriment. Kili and Fili had kidnapped her from one of her elvish dance partners and made her dance with them instead. They were so enthusiastic that she had to beg to sit down for awhile to let her poor feet have a rest.

Drink flowed freely and Holly indulged a little more than was perhaps wise. She chatted amiably with Bilbo as she drank sweet wine and snacked on sweet pastries.

It grew late though, and she knew she’d need to find her bed soon. She wound a bit tipsily through the halls, a beautiful fuzzy warmth in her soul and humming a strain of a tune she liked that the elves had played.

She woke the next day with a slight headache but in otherwise good spirits. The morning was beautiful, balmy, and bright. Not a cloud in the very blue sky.

Breakfast was filled with well wishes and more advice for the company on their journey. They left in good spirits and fair weather to begin their ascent into the mountains.

* * *

Holly could barely breathe and she knew it was only going to get worse the higher they climbed. The Misty Mountains earned their name well, for they were tall and wreathed in mist. Which might have looked awe-inspiring from afar but close up it was an annoyance. She could barely see her hand in front of her face.

It was also quite cold so high up, and the winds had no mercy, driving the mist into the group’s bones and clothes. Her chest constantly felt as if there was a weight upon it, and she knew the cold wasn’t helping at all. The thinness of the air kept her energy on forcing herself to take long and steady breaths, as much as she wanted to gasp and pant she knew that this would only lead to hyperventilation.

The paths were steep and narrow, and occasionally a boulder or cascade of rocks would come tumbling down. Most of the time it happened around them, which was startling enough, but on one memorable occasion a boulder had fallen right above their heads and bounced off an outcrop to go sailing over half the group

It didn’t help at all that there were multiple roads, some of which looked well enough but had Gandalf steering them away from. 

“Goblins have thrived in the years since your kind last traveled through here,” he said to Thorin, “We must be quiet, swift, and careful! Darker things live here now and it would be best not to encounter them!”

Water was still plentiful, though glacially cold running down in fast moving streams and waterfalls that originated in the snow-capped tops. 

Nights had them all huddling close, and Holly was grateful for the extra warmth. Maybe dwarves ran hotter than humans did, for they always seemed to radiate heat. She was glad for her winter jacket and extra thick socks. 

One day, while wearily leading Clara along a narrow path, a distant crash that she was now familiar enough with, sounded above her and she quickly moved to press as close to the mountain wall as she could.

However for whatever reason, Clara resisted her, and pushed back, causing Holly to stumble. A cascade of pebbles pelted her head as the pony neighed in panic. The pony shied towards the ledge, pushing Holly right to the edge and her foot slipped on the rocks. Her balance lost, Holly hardly had a moment to panic before she fell right off the side of the path. 

The dwarves’ shouts were lost in a rush of wind as she fell straight down. She threw her arms out wildly, but only succeeded in scraping and bruising them. She landed with a thud that jarred her spine all the way to her head and she cried out in pain as the rocks scraped her legs and more pebbles rained down on her.

She couldn’t breathe for another moment as her head spun and her stomach felt like she’d left it up on the path. “I’m okay!” she shouted up, panting heavily. She heard someone call for some rope, but the rest of the voices were lost in weird echoes that bounced along the stone and made her head hurt.

She hadn’t fallen far, maybe ten to twelve feet. The narrowness of the crack had slowed her fall, and she had landed relatively unhurt at the bottom.  _ Miraculously _ ! She whimpered as she twisted to look about her. She’d fallen into some type of crevasse, and there was a shallow dark space behind her. She threw her arms out and encountered only rock, but when she took a step towards the darkness she stepped on something firm that crunched beneath her feet. 

She couldn’t see what it was as the rock prevented her from moving forward any more than a few steps. She crouched down to get a better look

It took perhaps a moment longer than it should have for her to realize what she was looking at. In her defense, she’d never seen a skeleton before, and movies had not prepared her for the reality. 

Her chest tightened in panic as she moved as far back as she could from the remains, closing her eyes tightly. But nothing could stop the grinning skull with hair still clinging to it, the pale bones, a leg obviously shattered from remaining in her mind’s eye. She wasn’t the first to fall down here.

Tears immediately sprang to her eyes as she took deep breaths in and out, far too quickly. She could hear the dwarves shouting again but she couldn’t find it within herself to respond. Something hit her head, which caused her to let out a small whimper. Her eyes flew open involuntarily and she realized it was just rope dangling from above.

Unwillingly, her eyes darted back to the skeleton, which looked far less forbidding now. How sad to have died here, all alone. With numb fingers, she took the rope, which had a loop around it, and slung it over her body so it rested at her hips and fell below her butt in the back. Something scraped with a decidedly metallic screech as she shifted to her feet again and her eyes fell on a sheathed blade she’d trod on. Before she could think about it twice, she snatched it up.

She tried to shout that they could pull her up, but her voice came out broken, hoarse, and useless. Her throat and chest had tightened to the point where she couldn’t speak. Panic edged her vision in black and all she wanted was OUT of there. She tugged jerkily at the rope and hoped that they would get the message. They did.

It took no more than a minute for the group to pull her out, at which point she realized she had totally lost her voice. Strong hands reached out and hauled her the rest of the way back on the path, and their voices rang in her ears, but she couldn’t process the words they were saying.

“I can’t breathe.” She choked out instead, or tried to. The words wouldn’t form past the tightness in her throat. Panic welled in her and she started heaving air. She clutched the sheath to her chest with numb fingers as gentle hands pushed her to sit on the ground. 

“What’s wrong with her voice?

“Are you alright lass?”

“What happened?” The voices started making sense but she still couldn’t  _ breathe _ .

“Out of the way!” Oin snarled, shoving Bofur and Kili aside. He knelt beside her and grasped her wrist to check for a pulse. “Wine! Now!” He insisted, and someone passed a skin over. He immediately brought it to her lips and bade her to drink, which she did.

She gasped as the first taste of it hit her tongue. Oin pried the sheath from her fingers and helped her steady her trembling hands around the skin instead.

“What’s wrong?” Thorin asked hovering intimidatingly over the healer’s head, but Oin ignored him and unclasped his cloak from around his shoulders and threw it over Holly’s shaking form.

“You’re fine now lass,” he said in a gentle voice, even as he checked her for other signs of injury. “You had a fright but you’re back safe with us.” His rough hands squeezed her shoulders reassuringly and fastened the pin at her neck.

She shakily nodded, her chest was still tight, but being forced to drink something had stopped her from hyperventilating. She felt dizzy, but already the wine was relaxing her muscles and she felt warmer for the cloak around her.

“Thanks.” She coughed, still a bit hoarse.

“Why didn’t you say you had asthma?” Oin muttered lowly so Thorin couldn’t hear and Holly felt a blush rise on her face.

“I-I didn’t…” she trailed off. She felt so embarrassed and worse, she felt so helpless. She tried to hand back the wine but the old healer shook his head, “Finish it. It will help keep your muscles loose, but go slow.” he cautioned.

He bandaged and checked the rest of her scrapes and bruises, but she was mostly unharmed. She’d be aching, but she hadn’t broken anything. She’d been more frightened than anything. It had been a close shave.

“I wasn’t the only person to have fallen there.” She said in a halting voice, pulling the sword back towards her and handing it to Thorin. The dwarf King looked at the blade, his eyebrows furrowed. A quick tug revealed that it had rusted in its’ sheath. He laid it down on the road again.

“The wild is no place for gentle folk.” he said wearily. “Are you otherwise alright and ready to continue? We should not delay anymore.” He looked directly at her and she felt her cheeks heat again. She wished he wouldn’t stare at her so intensely!

“I-I’m fine to go on.” Holly replied, looking away.  She hesitated when he reached out a hand to help her to her feet, but then reached out to let his warm hand envelop her own. She took it and let him pull her to her feet.

“The road widens ahead,” he informed her, his hand lingering on her elbow. He seemed to realize it had been there a moment too long and dropped it, clearing his throat. “Let’s go! The lady is fine and there is no time to waste!” he called, heading back towards the front of the line.

Oin grumbled under his breath as he packed away his things. “Brother!” He called, and Gloin looked up from his own pony then approached them.

“Stay with the lady and see she does not fall again.” Oin said as Holly hung her head in shame. Gloin huffed but did not otherwise protest, as he took over leading Holly back to her pony. 

“Just about scared us all to death when you went over like that,” he said gruffly, but with a hint of worry in his voice. “Sorry,” she whispered. “Not your fault,” he returned shortly, “We’re all glad to see you’re alright. Strange luck you seem to have girl.” He patted her on the back.

Holly huffed a startled laugh. Strange luck indeed!

“Holly! Are you alright?” Kili asked and Gloin frowned, “You heard your uncle. She’s fine with me! Get on with you. It’s far too crowded for more than two to walk along.” He shooed the young prince back and ushered Holly and Clara away from the edge of the road. 

“I’m fine, really!” Holly managed, still a bit out of breath. “I’m in good hands!”

The rest of the day’s travel found her slowly sipping the wine, which to her surprise did seem to help. At least with her nerves if not completely with her breathing. She had occasional muscle spasms that made her cough and wheeze but she tried to muffle them or hold them in when possible. She wished desperately that she still had her inhaler but without it she just had to struggle through the attacks and try and mitigate the symptoms.

She made sure never to drink that much at one time as she didn’t want to become too tipsy. The tightness had lessened over the day, though it still lingered persistently.

After dinner she found herself surrounded on all sides and shunted towards the cliff. Everyone in the group seemed determined to make sure she didn’t come an inch closer to the edge than she had to.

Oin also discreetly gave her a compress he told her to lay upon her chest. The smell was strongly reminiscent of vapor rub, and seemed to lessen the rest of the tightness. It tingled and burned slightly against her skin. 

There had been little privacy before, but there was even less now that they were stuck on the mountain paths. There were caves and overhangs occasionally, but more often than not they camped right on the path.

It was much more cold and difficult to sleep on bare rock than on the ground. She missed the warm and soft bed she’d been given in Rivendell. Barring that, she wished she could cuddle up with someone warmer. She shot envious looks at Kili and Fili who were cuddled together like puppies. She wasn’t sure who to ask though, and she wasn’t sure if it would be considered proper. So while everyone else huddled up, she had placed her things to the side by herself. A decision she was now regretting.

She also had a feeling dwarves ran hotter than humans did. Perhaps hobbits too. If nothing else, whenever she had gotten close to one of her companions they always seemed much warmer. Bilbo certainly didn’t seem bothered by the cold that much with his bare feet, even if they were fuzzy.

She huddled into her jacket and pulled her blanket closer. She was so cold! The stone they lay upon leeched every spare bit of warmth and the padding from her bedroll was barely enough to block the iciness that seemed to radiate from the ground. It also didn’t help that the wind was particularly brutal in the mountains and bit deep into the company.

Her teeth were chattering and she couldn’t seem to stop shivering. She was going to get hypothermia at this rate. 

She tried to rub her hands together to generate some friction but it did little good. 

“Come here lass.” Said a voice suddenly in the dark. She startled and lifted her head. In the starlight she could just make out a figure a few feet from her waving a hand. “Bring your bedding.” Bofur said in a hushed voice, and she hastily complied, relief filling her.

“Can’t have yer teeth clacking away like that.” He informed her as approached. She went to lay her things next to him but he stopped her.

“Nay, lay your things down between me and Bombur. He snores something awful but he’s also the next best thing to a furnace.” Bofur scooted his own things over and helped her lay her things down between him and his brother. “Ye lay down between us you’ll not be shivering for much longer.”

To her surprise, Bifur muttered something in the dark, got up and moved from Bombur’s other side, then reached over and patted her head. Khuzdul was incomprehensible to her though and she looked at Bofur.

“He says you should sleep. You’ve been coughing all day and we can’t have ya catching ill.” Bofur translated the other dwarf’s words. He finished adjusting his bedding next to hers, so close they nearly overlapped. Then he lay down on his back and pulled the flaps of his hat down over his ears more securely. 

Bifur lay down at her feet, which enclosed her off from the cold with a dwarf on every side. With her friends cutting off the wind, and Bombur’s back radiating heat, she felt much warmer. 

She scooted as close as she dared to his big back and practically melted in the relative warmth. 

“Thanks, and good night.” She whispered.

Bifur grunted, Bofur hummed softly under his breath, and Bombur continued to snore. 

At first she felt a little awkward and stiff laying there between the three, but she was very tired and not so cold now. Soon the relative warmth and Bofur’s tuneless humming had her eyes drifting shut and her body relaxing into sleep.

* * *

Bombur woke up with someone curled up against his back. Bifur could be surprisingly snuggly, but when he’d gone to sleep, he’d been facing Bifur, who was no longer there.

He cracked an eye open and craned a look over his shoulder only to see Lady Holly cuddled up next to him, and Bifur snoring away at his feet. Bofur was also awake and sitting up on Holly’s other side, smoking a pipe.

“She got cold.” His brother shrugged and Bombur nodded in acknowledgement. He knew his considerable bulk made him plenty warm. It was one thing he was grateful for when it came to his size. He was a little unnerved to find a human woman so close, but they’d all been worried about her yesterday, and he knew Bofur was fond of her.

He liked her too. She was always polite and complimented his cooking. She had never made fun of him either. 

He extracted himself as gently as possible and Holly slumbered on unaware.

Thorin passed by a moment later, looking a bit startled and then angry. He looked as if he was about to say something before he gave himself a little shake and then moved on.

But Bifur and Bofur noticed their leader was in a foul mood for the rest of the day and snapped at everyone, and they both had a fair idea as to why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter: 
> 
> I wrote the Misty Mountain scene back a few chapters ago. Maybe you can tell how much I love the mountains? Hiking is one of my favorite things to do :) But I thought asthma would be a good flaw to give Holly seeing as most oc’s are in such great health.


	13. Lost in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the comments and support :) I think this has to be my fastest update yet.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit. I write this work of fanfiction solely for my own amusement and that of others.
> 
> \---  
> “Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”  
> -Edgar Allan Poet

 

 Thanks to Oin's attentiveness, Holly's asthma did not grow worse as they continued to climb. Which she was thankful for when on top of the other miseries of traveling she once again got her period.

The powder and honey mixture the elleth had given her to treat her pain was disgusting. The sweetness of the honey did little to mask the bitterness of the medicine, but it did work so she suffered little in the way of cramps. It did not however improve her mood.

The dwarves continued to coddle her and steer her away from the side of the paths they traveled. Even light tasks were taken from her hands. Not that there was much to do. The chill and close quarters had everyone in poor spirits again. It was high summer and yet nobody felt like it.

Her period was also an unwelcome reminder. It marked the passage of time. She felt overwhelmingly homesick again and combined with feeling breathless from the thin air, consequently left her more quiet than usual. Her silent embarrassment over washing her cloths out with little privacy did not help. Water was plentiful, but unlike when they crossed the lone lands, she could not easily slip out of sight between the trees. There were none. Just bare rock as far as anyone could see.

It was breathtakingly beautiful. Even she had to admit that. Being so far up meant that they could see many leagues away. The rolling hills and green countryside below were gorgeous. You could even see clouds passing below in the valleys. Which meant that they were very high up indeed.

Yet they still climbed day after day.

Once again wrapped up in her own misery, Holly did little to mark the passage of time. Until it became apparent a great storm was rising below and around them one day. The sky grew dark, the wind bolder, and the clouds rumbled ominously in the distance.

They sought shelter immediately, though all they were able to find was an overhang on the narrow path. They were quite high up and the path was so narrow that they dared not continue as the first crack of thunder and flash of lightning lit up the valley below.

She ended up huddled next to Bilbo, though nobody was sleeping. The terrific noise was louder than she could ever have imagined. Lightning struck all around repeatedly and the echoes magnified the noise as it bounced along the rocks.

The hobbit tugged her hand at one point and pointed down in the valley. His words were lost to the shrieking of the wind but when the light flashed again she could see enormous giants made of stone throwing boulders at one another below.

She watched stunned as the behemoths chucked mini-van sized rocks around with ease and shattered against the mountains like fragile glass. She watched a tree explode beneath the force of one throw.

Immediately her eyes sought Thorin and Gandalf who were huddled to one side still awake and discussing something in voices too low to hear.

This was another night she had feared for so long. She began to feel nauseous and she wished she had not eaten earlier. The night of the stone giants was the night they would encounter the goblins and she was so very afraid. She had no plan other than to go with the flow. But she knew her luck with the trolls had been a fluke. There was no guarantee that the encounter with the goblins would go as well.

The wind grew more fierce and began pelting their shelter with rain and hail. The company huddled miserably under the lashing and Holly couldn't help the tears that rose to her eyes. She buried her face in Bilbo's tiny shoulder and felt him hesitantly pat her hair.

"There there Miss Holly! It's a bad storm but I think Thorin just sent Fili and Kili to look for somewhere better!" He said near her ear.

Holly looked up startled. Indeed, she could see no sign of the brothers. She fumbled and found Bilbo's hand which she clutched tightly. The hobbit squeezed back reassuringly.

"They'll be blown off the mountain!" She cried, wincing as the wind whipped around them.

"They'll be alright lass!" Dwalin said from nearby. "Those two have the best eyes of all of us!" Ori shuffled a bit closer to her, "They're good scouts. Don't you worry none."

It turned out that Fili and Kili had found a better cave. Just around the corner. Together the company quickly braced themselves and headed out into the storm.

A few minutes later they were entering a cave that was just big enough for them all and the ponies. Holly warily entered, knowing full well it was not as safe and empty as it seemed. Try as she might however she couldn't see any sign of it being the gateway she knew it was.

"Did you thoroughly explore it?" Gandalf asked, now easily audible. The storm still raged on outside but the noise was less in this cave. He shook some water off of his hat as the rest of the group tried their best to shake off the water and the cold.

"Yes!" Said Fili. "It's not so large but it's dry and it doesn't go very far back at all."

Gandalf harrumphed and waved a hand before his staff which lit up enough so that they could see more clearly and set off to check out the cave.

Kili, Ori, and Dori busied themselves with making the ponies comfortable. They steamed wetly in the air as they were fed but were too tired to be troublesome.

Holly ducked around a corner and changed clothes quickly. Her bag had luckily not absorbed much water and she had dry things to wear, unlike most of the others. She kept her jacket on and hid some food and her notebook in the inside pockets along with her knives and a few other things.

Instead of laying her backpack aside she kept it close by her as she returned to sit in the main area of the cave. Bilbo gave her a funny look when she returned, but said nothing.

She knew she probably looked a fright. She kept darting glances at the back and she felt sick to her stomach. She combed her wet hair out as she listened to the dwarves bicker.

Oin and Gloin were arguing with Gandalf over a fire to warm them up and dry some of their things but in the end it was decided against because of the chance someone unfriendly might notice it.

Holly continued to sit by herself until she noticed that while the others had withdrawn clothes to change into, they hadn't done so yet. There was some shuffling and awkwardness as Holly realized the dwarves wanted to change but didn't dare do so in front of her.

She blushed and turned her back on them, which was as much privacy as she could give. Dori came over a while later to share some wine and she turned around to find most of them huddled in blankets and breaking out pipes. Their wet things laid out on the rocks.

Gandalf amused them for a time by blowing strange shapes and colors in the smoke from his pipe. Holly relocated closer to the group but as far away from the back wall as she could get.

"You alright lady?" Gloin asked to her right, and she realized her hands were shaking in her lap.

"I don't like this place." She answered honestly, which made quite a few of the group pay attention. Balin's eyebrows furrowed and Gandalf looked at her sharply.

She grimaced. She hadn't meant to put them on guard. "It's probably nothing, thunderstorms freak me out and I've never seen stone giants before." She said, trying to deflect attention.

"We'll set a watch." Thorin said, which immediately garnered protests and complaints. Everyone was cold and exhausted and nobody wanted to stay up longer than necessary.

As they continued to argue, Holly sighed and wrapped her blanket around herself more tightly.

Suddenly Nori sat down next to her and took out a beautiful and delicate silver flask. She raised an eyebrow as she realized it could be nothing other than elvish make. The delicate forest scene inscribed on the side and the elvish script along the top made her smile.

He held it out to her and she took it. A fruity smell rose from the depths and she took a small sip.

Immediately she knew what it was, though she had not seen or tasted it before. A calm settled over her and a warmth filled her body. She took another small sip and passed it back to him with a grin.

"You stole miruvor?" She asked, amused and also a bit incredulous.

Nori shrugged and took a sip for himself before tucking it away. "Weren't that hard. It was just sitting there begging to be taken. Worth more to sell of course, but I thought you looked liked you could use a nip."

"Don't let Oin see it or he might confiscate it." She whispered. Nori snorted and shrugged, "I'd like to see him try." Then his eyes got sharp and he looked more closely at her face, "You got that knife on you?"

Holly nodded and unzipped her jacket to pull out the elvish knife she'd gotten from the troll hoard.

"Nah, don't keep it there lass." Nori chided, "How will you reach it quick enough if it's needed? Keep it at your waist or secured around your ankle."

She nodded and bent to roll up her pant leg to her knee, but to her surprise he cleared his throat and looked away.

She could feel several gazes suddenly upon her and she rolled her eyes. She quickly secured the buckle around her leg and yanked the denim back down in a hurry.

She noticed Kili looked quite pink and several faces were turned obviously away. To her surprise, even Thorin looked a bit pink around the ears.

"It's just an ankle!" She hissed, her own face warming. How ridiculous! There was nothing alluring about her pale and cold blotched leg!

Nori snickered and patted her arm. "You really are quite young, eh?" He asked rhetorically.

Holly huffed, "I don't see what that has to do with anything. I'm not a child. I'm an adult!"

"That's precisely the problem." Nori snickered again but then pulled out a pipe nonchalantly from a pocket and started filling it with pipe weed.

"I'm not even the same race!" Holly grumbled still feeling quite embarrassed. Nori simply lit his pipe with a match and regarded her with a thoughtful look on his face.

"I'm sure it came up before, but there aren't a lot of dwarrow women lass. It's not common, but it's also not uncommon, for people to look for a bit of comfort elsewhere. And you're far from hard on the eyes." He said pragmatically and matter of factly.

Holly looked at him dumbfounded. She wasn't unaware that Kili had a bit of a thing for her. But she'd written it off and ignored it because otherwise it was just uncomfortable. He just acted so much younger than her. More like a teenager.

She had no idea others in the group might find her intriguing. Unwittingly, her eyes were drawn back to Thorin, who was scowling again.

Nori eyed the slight flush on her cheeks and knew his suspicions were correct. The lady definitely felt an attraction for their leader. Which could cause troubles in the long run, because it was equally as clear Thorin couldn't keep his eyes off of her. He shifted ever so slightly so his arm brushed Holly's and watched in amusement as Thorin scowled more heavily at him while she appeared to notice nothing.

It was funny how things like this happened. The two couldn't be more different and yet they were drawn to each other. It would probably come to nothing but it was still amusing to see.

Something had gone down in Rivendell between the two of them. That had been apparent to everyone. First they had been avoiding one another like the plague and then suddenly Thorin couldn't keep his eyes from her form wherever it went, and it was merely idle curiosity. He had softened toward her somewhat, that was clear. Whatever had been said between the two of them had caused the king to keep a much closer eye on her.

And she was pretty, in her own way, Nori could admit. Despite being so tall and beardless, she had her own charm. Especially her hair, which was an unusual shade of brown that glinted with bits of gold, auburn, and chestnut. It was a shame she covered it up so much. It had grown into curling waves that hung about her face fetchingly and he'd noticed more than one eye had been drawn to it.

But it was the non-physical characteristics she had, the perseverance, the determination, and the spark that caused so many in their group to like her. She was also very smart, learned, and had a wicked sense of humor, though she rarely let it out. She had a guilelessness and an innocence to her as well, though she never let that stop her from moving forward. He could admire that.

Holly was also quite clearly heartsick in some way. She was a self-reliant sort, and the kind to suffer in silence. She quite obviously needed others to lean on, though she seemed to hold back even from the friendliest of their group.

Nori quite liked the lass. She didn't judge him, nor was she afraid of him. She was also kind to Ori and that went a long way towards him liking her in his book. He knew Dori disapproved of her, but that was all to the better in his mind. His brother was far too fussy.

Thorin was still scowling at him, he noted in amusement. There was nothing to be jealous of, and he doubted his king yet realized his own feelings in the matter. But he was enough of a mischief maker to take advantage of it.

Suddenly Bifur blocked his view of the king and sat down. He scolded Nori and leaned over to say something to Holly.

"Thanks Bifur." Holly replied, not sure of the exact meaning of his words but she got that he was trying to reassure her of something. She still looked a little pale, even after the elvish spirit. Bifur nodded and threw Nori a sharp look.

"I'm not causing trouble." Nori disagreed. Bifur huffed in amusement and wagged a finger in his direction.

Nori smirked and got up to rejoin his brothers. Dori was also looking at him unamused and he didn't want to sit through a lecture tonight.

"Nori will take the first watch." Thorin declared suddenly, interrupting the small conversations going around the cave.

Holly glanced at him uncertainty. He was giving Nori the evil eye, though the other dwarf seemed unruffled by it. She wondered what had brought that on.

Bifur remained quietly at her side as the discussions turned towards what everyone planned to do with their share of the treasure.

Bifur nudged her and gestured around with some inquiring sounding words. Though they had no translator this time, it wasn't hard to glean the general meaning of his words.

"I don't know." Holly admitted, "I know I signed the contract for my share but I have no idea what I'd do with all of that gold. Retire and live off the savings maybe. I think I have had enough of traveling to last me a lifetime." She added with a wry smile.

Bifur nodded and smiled down at her. Then he launched into telling her what he planned to do with his share. He had plans to start a business with Bofur and Bombur. Mining was difficult physical labor and already his and Bofur's hands had suffered from the hard life eking out a living in the Blue Mountains. Though Erebor probably still contained a multitude of rich minerals and germs, Bifur much preferred making toys and other amusements with his hands.

Holly listened, even though she didn't understand a word. He mostly rambled on in order to take her mind off of her unease. He knew she had a touch of foresight, they all knew. It would be foolish to ignore anything she was wary of. However, they didn't need to add to her unease. Nori has sharp eyes and would keep a good watch.

The cave seemed safe enough, but one couldn't be too careful. Nice caves such as this one were rarely unoccupied for long.

She watched as he pulled out a block of wood and a knife. He shaved and whittled slowly as he talked and she let his words lull her into complacency.

Eventually the conversations petered out and Bifur left her on her own to lean against the wall and seek his own bed. Even Gandalf was snoring quietly, the brim of his hat pulled low over his eyes.

She was very tired. The miruvor had relaxed her and given her a bit of a lift, but she was now warmer than she had been for over a week. It was hard for her body to remain alert when she felt more comfortable than she had for ages.

Before she forgot, she took off her jacket and put her backpack on and refastened the jacket over everything. It was not comfortable in the least but she wished to hold on to as much of her stuff as possible.

She knew she ought to stay awake. She had to be ready! But as the rest of the group dropped off to sleep one by one, she felt the call of rest leading her eyes to close. Despite her anxiety and fright she felt herself drifting off.

She woke with a start and pinched her arm harshly. She forced herself to sit up straighter and looked wildly around. There was nothing to be seen however, just sleeping dwarves in every direction. Even Nori had unwittingly dozed off, much to her alarm. A slight noise made her squint into the darkness, but she relaxed when she saw it was just the ponies moving in the darkness.

What to do? She wasn't sure. Should she wake Nori? She hadn't been sure of anything since she'd found herself in this time. She couldn't run off on her own now. She had to keep her wits about her to make it through this ordeal.

Holly consoled herself with the thought that at least she'd have the company with her. She pulled her other knife out from her jacket and hid it up her sleeve.

And not a moment too soon.

Suddenly the floor began to tilt and she froze in horror as Bilbo gave a shout that woke everyone up.

She had been at the wrong angle to see and it was quite dark but now it was apparent that there was a black crack opened at the back of the cave. Immediately dark crouching figures sprang from the hole and started seizing the dwarves.

Holly fumbled and pulled the knife out just a moment before the first of the figures reached her. It had bulbous eyes and pale slimy looking skin. Sharp teeth and clawed hands that reached for her.

She waved the knife wildly before her and the creature snarled as the blade made contact and ripped into its' flesh, but it was only a glancing blow to its' arm and then the goblin darted forward and wrenched the knife from her hand and punched her in the gut.

Holly doubled over in pain, breathless as the disgusting creature pinned her arms and started carrying her towards the dark hole.

All around there were shouts of fright and pain which added to the confusion and the mayhem. A huge flash and bang sounded and caused the one carrying her to hurry faster towards the doors. She got a glimpse of Gandalf's furious visage before the crack slammed shut

"A wizard!" A rough voice shouted in panic.

"Come, let's get this scum below!" Shouted another.

Holly was flung from her captor's shoulder into the midst of the dwarves and she met the ground with bruising force. The goblins had no problem in kicking, pinching, and beating the dwarves in the direction they wished them to go, and Holly unfortunately found herself at the edge of the group.

She winced as claws snagged her hair and cried out in pain as another set shoved her harshly forward when she did not move fast enough to please them.

Holly did not have time to yell as she fell, and the cruel laughter of the goblins followed her down along with the cries of anger and alarm from her companions.

She hit the ground roughly, scraping her hands and knees along the rough rock. Someone kicked her in the side viciously and she cried out in pain. Another blow to her shoulder had her trying to scramble out of the way. The confusion of bodies in the flickering torch light all around her made her lurch unsteadily.

Someone reached down in the thick of it all and yanked her roughly back to her feet. Her eyes met blue-gray ones and despite the frightening nature of their predicament, she felt less scared in that moment.

Then Thorin none too gently shoved her towards the center of their group and quickly moved to block another callous blow towards her with his own body. Holly had no time to thank him as they were hustled forward all together. She found Nori suddenly at her side and Dwalin on the other. Both were pale-faced and as grim as she had ever seen them.

She went to reach for her knife but Nori's hand stopped her. She looked down at him in fright. "Not now!" He hissed, and she nodded and continued on as best she could.

It was impossible to keep track of where they were going. The paths before them criss crossed in all sorts of strange and confusing ways, even if they could concentrate through the continuous physical violence and verbal threats the goblins casually doled out.

Their laughter was like stones grinding together and when they began to sing the noise echoed strangely across the rocks in a croaking cacophony of malice. The song was about crushing, smashing, beating, and pain. A few had whips and had no compunction about cracking them at the group. Ori suffered a particularly nasty lash to the shoulder.

Not a one remained unscathed as they were herded deeper into the mountain. The goblins took great pleasure in beating on them and drawing shouts of pain from whom ever got too close to the edge of the group.

A red light ahead illuminated a great cavern with a huge fire and torches along the walls.

A horde of goblins jostled one another to get a better view as the group was shoved and pushed into the center of the room. They jeered and shouted malicious insults at the group as they shoved into the room and their hands bound with rope.

The ponies and all their baggage were thrown haphazardly into one corner and the goblins were going through and fighting over everything. She shuddered at the casual violence they doled out to the items and their fellows as well as the dwarves and Bilbo. She was cuffed several times herself until her head was reeling and she was forced to her knees.

Holly's eyes widened in horror as she saw a goblin take an axe to a pony's neck. The others shrieked with unholy glee and fair ripped the animal apart. Her eyes sought out poor Clara and she felt tears rise to her eyes at her animal friend's plight. All the ponies looked terrified and were being roughly handled by the goblins.

A goblin in front of her laughed, "They'll make good eating!" He sneered at her and she tore her eyes away from the horrific sight.

"Now who do we have here? What wretched people have trespassed in our lands?" A thunderous voice brought her attention to the front of the group. A giant goblin with a huge misshapen head sat upon a flat stone flanked by several other large goblins with axes and strangely shaped swords.

"Dwarves, a man, and this!" A goblin replied, shoving Bilbo and gesturing toward she rest. "We found them on the Front Porch! Thieves, spies, and murderers most likely my lord!" The creature sniveled.

The goblin king sneered and waved one fat hand in the air, "Elf friends no doubt! Up to no good I'm sure! Who are you?" He demanded.

A man? They didn't recognize she was a woman. Holly felt unexpected relief course through her and ducked her head lower. She was wearing a bulky coat so she guessed not much or her figure was visible. She was quite hot in it actually, and sweat dripped down her face as she huddled closer to Dwalin on one side. He carefully angled his body to hide her from the goblin King's view, though the monster seemed more interested in Thorin who was even now giving a reply.

"I am Thorin and we are simple travelers through these lands! We did not mean to trespass on your territory. We simply sheltered in what we thought was an unoccupied cave from the storm. We have no wish to spy on goblins!" He spat.

"I know who you are Thorin Oakenshield! I know plenty of your folk and I do not think you speak truly. What are you doing in these parts? Durin's folk have not been seen here for many years."

"We're merely traveling to see relations in-"

"Liar!" Shrieked one of their guards, "Great One, the dwarf is a liar! Several of our group were struck down by a wizard and he carries this!"

The creature tossed Orcrist at the goblin King's feet. Who hissed and snarled at the sight of the sword. A great amount of noise rose as the goblins showed their displeasure at the sight of the weapon.

"I know this blade!" The goblin king snarled, "The Goblin Cleaver! Elf lovers! Murderers! Slash them, bite them, beat them! Take them away and hide them in the darkest pits so they may never see light again!" He commanded, and immediately the goblins sprang to do his bidding.

However, suddenly the lights all extinguished and a great towering plume of smoke rose in the air and beams of light shot out from it at the goblins. Soon cries of anger and pain came from the goblins and Holly immediately tried to loosen the ropes around her wrists. She saw that wherever the light touched the goblins it burned them and soon the air was so thick with the scent of burning flesh she started to gag.

The smoke was so thick that she couldn't see a thing but she could hear the screaming, cursing, shrieking, howling, and jabbering which continued on. Something bumped roughly into her and she shoved them back, finally managing to get the ropes off, though she scraped her hands in her rush.

"Follow me, quickly now!" She heard Gandalf's voice somewhere to the right, and she blindly stumbled after it, leaping over a writhing goblin in her path and nearly bowling over Bilbo who was running in front of her.

Together they followed the wizard and the dwarves out of the cave and through a dark passage. His staff was lit up again and he urged them to run faster.

Holly had a stitch in her side and she was wheezing and lightheaded from all the smoke. The last thing she needed was another asthma attack! Though she could feel her chest spasming uncomfortably. She simply pushed on as best she could.

They paused for a moment, though they could still hear the goblins shrieks behind them.

"Is everyone here?" Gandalf called, turning and scanning the group. "It seems so. That's more than I could have hoped for, despite losing everything else. But on we go now! The goblins will soon recover their wits and will come seeking vengeance." He turned again and off they took running.

Though Holly's legs were longer, she was hindered by her labored breathing and lagged behind with Bilbo and Bombur, who were both gibbering with terror and dripping in sweat.

They could hear the clash and steady thumping of the goblins gaining on them and as they rounded a sharp corner both Gandalf and Thorin halted and drew their swords, urging the rest of the group behind them.

The goblins rounded the corner at a run and ran straight into the biting blades of Orcrist and Glamdring. The goblins shouted in terror and turned to flee from their old foes Biter and Beater, retreating back the way they had come.

Thorin and Gandalf slew the rest, and then hurried the group on again, though no one had yet caught their breath.

On they ran. And on and on. Down the winding narrow dark passages that seemed to have no end, Gandalf's staff lighting the way. Bilbo's legs all but collapsed beneath him at one point and Dori scooped him up without a word so they could continue running.

Holly was in so much pain and so dizzy that she could barely keep up. She tried to shout but her voice was gone again. Instead she concentrated on moving, keeping her head down and trudging on as best she could.

Suddenly she realized that Gandalf's staff was much farther ahead than it had been and she was much further behind than she'd thought. She couldn't shout and her legs hurt badly and her muscles weighed her down like lead.

She tried pushing harder but it was like her limbs could no longer obey her and she stumbled in the dark.

Just as she started to trip, something whizzed by her head and she swiveled to see a single goblin had caught up with her. She was tackled from behind and she tried to scream but no noise came out.

A clawed hand yanked her head back by her hair as she flailed. She swung her fist out with all the strength desperation can lend.

It made contact with something soft but the grip on her hair didn't loosen.

"Bitch!" Snarled the goblin and a hand closed around her throat and started to squeeze.

Already a bit breathless, the pressure around her throat made her vision darken and bright spots dance before her eyes, she scrabbled helplessly at the hands that tightened around her neck and then started trying to dig into its' skin with her nails and she bucked wildly but the goblin slammed her head against the floor and stunned her.

The grip had loosened for a moment and she'd managed one breath before she was being choked again. With one last desperate hope she closed her eyes and reached for the knife still strapped to her ankle.

Her hands closed around the hilt and she drew it and slammed it into the side of the goblin as quickly as she could move.

The hands loosened and the creature gurgled a scream and fell off of her. The blade pulled out with a nasty squelch and she lay there stunned as the goblin writhed next to her.

But the creature wasn't totally out of commission yet and she barely managed to roll out of the way of its gnashing teeth. Its' claws slashed out and caught her leg as she scrambled away. She stabbed again with the knife, landing a strike on its arm. In pain, the goblin fell away howling and she managed to get to her knees.

It was still alive though, and with a sudden surge of hate she raised the knife and plunged it through the monster's neck.

The goblin's eyes bulged and dark liquid seeped out from its mouth. Holly backed away with a sob and huddled up against the wall of the tunnel as the goblin choked to death on its own blood.

The knife was glowing in the dark, but it dimmed considerably when the goblin stopped moving.

Holly shuddered and retrieved the knife. It continued to shine and she knew she had to move. There were still goblins after them.

But she could no longer see the light of Gandalf's staff and she could barely bring herself to move. She was in so much pain and she was still gasping for breath.

She pressed a hand to her heaving chest and tried to calm down.

The blade grew a bit brighter and she knew she couldn't stay there any longer.

Holly forced herself to her feet and started to run again, one hand along the tunnel wall and the other clutched around the glowing blade to light her way.

As she ran the bold grew dimmer and she faltered as it grew harder to see. She had hoped to catch up the Gandalf and the rest but she could see no glimmer of light ahead.

She came to a fork in the path and hesitated. She sniffed warily at the air at each entrance by detected no difference. However he knife seemed to glow brighter when she held it in the direction of the left hand tunnel.

She didn't think she could face those monsters again so soon so she immediately took the right and felt somewhat relieved as the light faded.

Holly continued on in the dark for who knew how long. It seemed to her that she was going down, not up, though she had lost her sense of direction in this place the moment she had been hauled through the doors.

She pushed panic aside and kept going, thinking that surely she'd run into her friends soon. She had stopped running now, unable to keep up the pace. Instead she walked as fast as she could.

However the light in her elvish knife grew fainter and fainter until it went out entirely. She knew that meant that the goblins were quite far from her, and she continued on despite being unable to see. The path had to go somewhere, she reasoned.

But it never seemed to end, and in the darkness she couldn't be sure whether she had taken another turn or not. She wasn't sure if she should try to make her way back and take the left hand turn after all.

She eventually stopped moving and tried to listen. She thought she might hear water somewhere far off but beyond her own breathing, there was nothing else.

She had never been someone afraid of the dark, but being in the pitch darkness all by herself was unnerving. It seemed to press in all around her. And she knew that despite her knife not glowing, that there could be other things other than goblins lurking about...the fear kept her moving far past what she thought she could do. Always she kept one hand on the wall and kept walking straight.

Eventually she could carry on no longer and she leaned against the tunnel wall.

She still had her backpack with her, and she was quite warm from all her exertions so she removed her jacket and fumbled out her water bottle. The cold water was refreshing, and she carefully only swallowed two mouthfuls.

She sat there, too tired and too much in pain to even think. She wrapped herself up in her coat again, and soon, despite all her fears and worries, was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> At last Holly’s path diverges from the company’s. At least for a time!
> 
> I went more with the book description of Goblin Town than the movie one, obviously, though I had fun with the goblins. It struck me as I was writing this that the goblins have more character in the books than they do in the movies. They’re still awful monstrous creatures but they’ve got a leader and they supposedly have slaves and can build “clever” things. 
> 
> How ever will she find her way out of the mountains? :3


	14. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the comments and support :) I must be spoiling y’all with these quick updates. Weird side note. My fics seem to be doing much much better on AO3 over FFN, despite posting them at the same time. I wonder why? Also if you’re a Harry Potter fan and an OC-insert fan, check out my story Coalescence under the pseud VespertineEnchanted. :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit. I write this work of fanfiction solely for my own amusement and that of others.  
> \---
> 
> "Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer."  
> \- Denis Waitley

Holly woke with her head pounding and her body aching in total darkness. She opened her eyes but there was nothing to see. Her head pounded frightfully loud in her ears and at first she could hear nothing either.

Then she realized that there was a voice coming from the rock beneath her ear.

“Hadn’t we better get moving?” Someone asked.

Holly nearly jumped out of her skin, and as it was she fumbled to find her knife and withdrew it part way from its’ sheath. It glowed bright blue in the darkness and she clutched it to her chest fearfully before sliding it back in and holding as still as possible.

“There’s no hurry. We don’t want to be swept up in all the goings on in town.” A deeper voice replied, slightly muffled through the rock.

“Well what did happen father?” The first voice asked.

“The king is dead Helfer. Some dwarf scum was captured and escaped. They killed quite a few of us though and it’s a mess down there. There was talk of a wizard about too.”

“But all the better for us, eh?” Another higher voice cut in with a cackle.

“Legzich grabbed the seat and we’re moving’ up, right enough. No more living in this pit out of the way.” The deeper voice said in satisfaction, “Too many drafts and we’re too close to that side door for my comfort.

“It’s blocked anyhow. You’re too paranoid father.”

“Still it’s a pain to have to move everything. Would be nice to have some help ‘round here.” Grumbled the third voice.

Holly ran her hand against the stone she lay upon, realizing it must be pretty thin or she wouldn’t be able to  hear them.

She found a small depression in the wall and her hand slid easily through and connected with something slimy and soft.

A yelp came from the other side and she hastily withdrew her hand, heart thundering in her ears.

“What are ye making all that noise for boy?” Roared the first deeper voice and Holly huddled in fright, heart pounding.

“Something licked my foot!” Shouted Helfer.

“Nonsense!” Said the third voice, “You’re always imagining things.”

“But it did!” Whined Helfer.

“Shut up and help with this chest boy!”

There was a scuffle and a yelp and then the sound of something heavy being dragged along the floor.

Holly held very still as more shuffling and cursing came from the other side and carefully she leaned down to peer through the hole.

There was a little light from a lamp in the cave and three goblins were busy packing up their belongings and moving about.

She jerked away from the hole, not wanting to be seen and held her breath as they continued to rummage about and insult one another.

From what she could gather she was listening to a family of goblins who was about to move to a better dwelling than the current one they had. Soon enough the three creatures left and she listened carefully until she could no longer hear their voices before pulling out her knife again.

The light from the blade was faint again now and growing fainter. She peered back in the hole and saw that they had left a torch burning in the room. The hole wasn’t really big enough to let her through, but she found that when she pushed against it the earth around it crumbled and soon she had a wide enough space to squeeze in.

Once inside she found that they had left little behind beside some ratty furs, the almost burnt out torch, and a few other useless odds and ends like old bones and a stone table.

She retrieved the torch and then went to inspect the passage the family had went through. It seemed to run parallel to the tunnel she’d been in.

Carefully she went back to the hole and used the torch to light it up. It was far rougher and narrower than she had realized and with a sudden chill she noticed a dark drop not ten feet in front of where she had rested

If she had kept going, she would have fallen to her death. She trembled violently and backed away from the chasm.

Taking another deep breath to steady herself, she retreated back to the cave and checked the other tunnel. It seemed smoother and better made.

She figured that if they were headed towards Goblin Town, then they had headed to her right, which followed the path she had taken. She had no choice but to turn left now, and head in the opposite direction

She paused only to drink a little water and eat a little of the food she had stashed in her bag. She didn’t want to linger in case the goblins decided to come back.

Her knife was nearly totally dim again when she checked it and therefore she felt slightly better about her chances.

She still was quite lost, but the goblins had mentioned a side door. Blocked, the one had said. But she didn’t know more than that.

It sounded better than another door guarded by goblins at any rate. If she could even find the one Bilbo would use...had used? She had no idea how much time had passed since she’d been down here. They had run for what seemed like hours.

She shuddered as she remembered Clara and the rest of the ponies. Poor things. Her heart aches for them but there had been nothing she could do. She hadn’t even remembered if the ponies had run off on the mountain or had been captured by the goblins in the story.

She could have turned Clara loose but that would have incited questions from her companions. A few years escaped her eyes but she hastily brushed them away. She would have time to be sad later. Right now she needed to be sharp and on her toes.

She started following the path to the left, shaking off morbid thoughts. She kept her knife in hand but it didn’t glow again.

The walk was quiet for the most part, though occasionally she heard the clatter of a falling rock or the rush of flowing water and she tread more carefully in the dark, remembering the sudden drop off on the other path. The torch provided enough light to see however, and so she kept going.

Soon enough she smelt fresh air, which she hadn’t even noticed she had missed until the sweet smell of it met her nose. She could even feel a cool breeze upon her skin and she hurried her steps a bit more.

Suddenly she turned a sharp corner and saw what the goblins had meant.

Before her lay a crumbled passageway, with broken stone laying all about in a heap. There might have been a door there once, but now it was hidden by a heap of boulders and stones. A small chunk was missing at the top of the pile that showed a sliver of light. It was no bigger than her head.

She eyed the pile warily. It was a good 15 feet up to the top.

She carefully lay her backpack down and removed her jacket. The torch she jammed between two boulders at the bottom of the pile. Then she began to climb.

The rocks slid under her feet and made her nervous, but nothing moved out of place and she made it to the top unscathed. She had just enough room to lie flat on her stomach and shimmy towards the crack.

The ceiling sloped downwards toward the opening and narrowed so that she could barely fit her shoulders in close enough to look out. When she did all she saw was more stone.

Confused, she twisted about until she could look up at an angle and her heart fell a bit.

Some large boulders outside were blocking the passage. The light came from even higher up than the hole she was peering through. So even if she moved the smaller stones on this side, she’d have to climb up what looked to be a mostly vertical rock face to get out. She had no idea if she could do that.

Carefully she picked up a small rock and wormed a hand through the opening. She dropped it and listened as it fell. It fell for a few good seconds.

She sighed and backed up again.

She could try and move the stones. It wasn’t going to be easy though, and she risked making things worse, but she didn’t see any other possible way.

Fresh air and light were only a few feet away and yet she was still stuck in the mountain.

She climbed back down again and dug in her backpack for some of her rattiest clothing. She tore it into strips with the help of her knife and then tied it around her hands.

She was still hurting from the abuse the goblins had put them all through, and then then run from the town, and now she was going to hurt more.

She started shoving the rocks she could through the hole, hoping to create a bit higher of a surface to stand on.

Getting the smaller stones out of the way was the easy part, but the larger ones were not so easily budged. Her back had started to ache now, and her arms shook with the strain. Despite the cloth wrapped around her hands, she cut herself on sharp edges and started to get blisters.

The larger rocks she’d gotten down to did not fit through the opening and so she was forced to carry them down to the bottom of the pile and lay them aside. She didn’t dare carelessly roll them down for fear of dislodging something and creating a collapse.

So her progress seemed glacial for awhile, but soon she could fit her shoulders through the gap, and then her waist.

But then it began to grow dark outside and the torch also had gone out some time before. She’d labored all day to create what seemed to be not much space.

She was exhausted and hurt but when she checked her knife again and found it to not be glowing at all, she felt somewhat triumphant. She was going to do this!

She drank as much water as she dared. She was still thirsty but she couldn’t bring herself to drink more. Her food was also gone now. Holly swallowed a little of the anti-pain powder with honey, undiluted by water, and nearly gagged on it. But afterwards she felt much better. She worried a bit about the various cuts she had but there was nothing she could cleanse them with.

Instead she cleared a small spot free of stones and used her jacket to wrap up warm, her head pillowed on her backpack.

She awoke when the light of day began shining through the crack again and she dosed herself again with the nasty medicine and set to work. There was still no sign of any goblins but she didn’t want to stay a moment longer in the mountain than she had to.

By what she judged to be late afternoon Holly had managed to clear the stones enough to fit through the crack entirely. She could just squeeze through it and balance on the other side. The bottom wasn’t as far as she had feared, and she had pushed enough rocks through to reach it with her feet.

Standing on the other side and letting the cool air chill her heated skin she smiled. She still had to figure a way out, but at least part of her task was done.

An examination of the stone around her revealed that it was pocked with divots and ledges she could use to climb. It was a good few meters to the top however and she was anxious about it.

She hadn’t climbed a rock wall in a very long time, let alone one without a safety rope, but she sat there and plotted the path she thought she could take to get up to the top. 

The area she stood was a little like the inside of a chimney, and she only hoped it wasn’t too high up at the top for her to get down again. The one wall leaned in more than the other three and it was her hope that it could be used to lean on and take occasional rests.

She assumed because this had been a door, that there would be some kind of path out there. Or at least she hoped.

However she had spent so much time plotting how to leave that the sky had grown dim again.

She decided to not try the attempt in the dark when she was tired and retreated back inside for the night.

She awoke feeling groggy and tired. Her water was all gone now and she was also very thirsty. She felt sort of warm and the cool air from outside was nice on her face.

Holly made sure she had everything on her secured well, went over the route she wanted to take, and then started to climb.

Her arms ached something fierce as she began her ascent and she was weaker than she had counted on from having little water and no food for the past few days.

Still she managed to drag herself up, resting when she could, and clinging to the rock with what seemed to be sheer will.

The ledge at the top was wide enough that she could pull herself up with a little effort. Her arms were limp and screaming at her as she collapsed at the top.

She didn’t even look about at first. First she caught her breath and only then did she dare look.

Relief filled her as she found it was only a five foot or so drop to the ground which sloped up the the ledge she sat upon. No more climbing or moving stones in her near future!

She also saw the sun had risen before her, and would set behind her, which was where the mountains were. She had gone completely under the Misty Mountains and was further east than she thought was possible in such a short time. Before her lay hills and fields and she could see a stream in the distance some ways to her right running down the mountain she still sat upon.

Worry filled her, for she wasn’t sure where to go next. She could easily replenish her water after a short hike, but she had no food, and she had no map.

She vaguely knew she still had to travel East quite a ways to get to the lonely mountain, but as to how far north or south she was along the mountains, she hadn’t a clue.

She ought to try and find Gandalf and the company, but she wasn’t sure which way to go.

With her luck, they had given her up for dead and she was completely on her own.

On the positive side, she _was_ alive and she was _not_ inside the mountain anymore.

* * *

 

“We can not possibly continue on without learning of Bilbo and Holly’s fate!” Gandalf said angrily, leaning tiredly on his staff.

“If they are alive then we must attempt to rescue them, if not, then we at least owe it to them to find out. Bilbo is my friend and I feel somewhat responsible for him.” Gandalf continued.

“What about Lady Holly?!” Kili cried upset, “She’s my friend and who know what horrible things the goblins could be doing to her. We have to go back!”

“Better leave them,” Gloin muttered, “The halfling has been mostly useless and so has the woman. Better not go back into those cursed tunnels. It’s suicide!”

“With any luck they can find their own way out of the mountain.” Dori said, ignoring the venomous looks Ori and Nori shot at him

Bofur wrung his hat between his hands while Bombur looked sadly back the way they had come.

Balin and Dwalin were on the lookout for anyone on their trail and so could not add to the conversation.

“Why did you have to go and drop Bilbo anyway?” Gandalf grumbled and Dori crosses his arms defensively, “I’d like to see you try and keep ahold of someone when you’re tackled by a goblin in the dark. I assumed he was still with us. There wasn’t time to check.”

“When did Holly go missing?” Kili asked despondently, and Fili laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder in comfort.

“I’m not sure but she was right behind me before Dori was tackled.” Bombur spoke up, “She was breathing really hard though and was lagging behind.” Bofur patted him on the arm and Oin sighed, “She has asthma. Probably had a hard time running through the smoke. Might have lost her voice again.”

Thorin looked startled, “Why didn’t you inform me earlier?”

Oin shrugged, “It was her business.”

“See, more trouble than they’re worth, that burglar and that witch.” Gloin said.

Gandalf looked upset at this and Kili protested.

“Well here we are without either of them.” Thorin said, seeming to make up his mind.

“Here I am!” Called Bilbo, startling the group badly as he appeared out of a bush.

Cries of astonishment, surprise, and delight rang out among the group as Balin and Dwalin came running to check.

“By Mahal’s beard! However did you get past us?” Balin  asked, astonished he hadn’t seen or heard the hobbit.

Bilbo shrugged, “Oh you know. I just crept quietly by.”

“What ever happened to you Mr. Baggins?” Asked Ori.

“Yes, I think we should all like to know that,” Thorin added, “Though we are glad to see you.”

So Bilbo told his tale of running into Gollum and the riddles in the dark. He told them of running out the gate and sneaking by the goblin guards and losing his buttons in the door.

I’m the eyes of the dwarves, his value went up quite a bit with the tale of his adventures in the mountain tunnels and his clever and daring escape. They could respect that he had gotten himself out of a tight spot.

“I told you that Mr. Baggins has more to offer than you know!” Gandalf chuckled after Bilbo’s tale was over.

“Yes but what about Lady Holly?” Bofur asked, “Did you see her in the tunnels Mr. Baggins?”

“No, I did not.” Bilbo admitted, peering about. He hadn’t noticed that she was even missing until they mentioned it. He immediately grew worried. Of all of them he hated to think about Holly being stuck underground in danger the least.

“She was still running behind Dori and I last I checked before I was knocked out by that nasty tumble.” Bilbo said.

“She did still have a knife on her that the goblins missed. Unlike us.” Nori contributed with a frown.

A few of their number sagged with the news but Oin cleared his throat, “Mayhaps the lass also made it out. Perhaps by another door? It sounds like the back door is too well guarded for us to go back and I don’t see any other way to go searching for her.”

Unfortunately neither could anyone else, and even Gandalf looked troubled.

“By nightfall the goblins will be after us by the hundreds. Now that we’ve rested we dare not linger in so large a group. Perhaps one or two might stay behind to search for her.”

Thorin shifted uneasily. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and storm the tunnels looking for her. It did not sit well sit all with him, leaving her behind, but he couldn’t risk staying either. He had to think of the safety of the whole group.

But he had also pledged her safety and had tasked her with something only she could do.

“Whoever wishes to volunteer may stay and search, but I can’t allow all of us to look for one person.” He said at last.

“I will.” Dwalin spoke up, and to everyone’s surprise, so did Nori a moment later, “I’ll stay.” The two gave each other measuring looks, for neither had gotten along with the other very well in the past.

“Very well,” Thorin acceded, “If you can find no more sign of her within three days then you will give up the search and catch up with us.”

* * *

Holly managed to make it to the stream and gladly refilled her water bottle and drank so much water it made her stomach ache.

She then stripped and bathed, using the soap from Rivendell for the first time since she had left weeks ago. She washed her clothes too and then laid them out to dry on the rocks in the summer sun.

Now that she was a ways down the mountain it was warmer and finally felt like summer. Another thing to be grateful for and to celebrate.

She was still uncertain where to go next though. Last time she had been separated from them, she had managed to find her way back through pure luck.

She also wasn’t sure if she had been inside the mountain any longer than they had. She has spent at least one day in the tunnels and another two or three days digging herself out. She wasn’t sure actually. It was hard to remember and she was so very tired...

If she had gotten out a day or so later than they were already quite far away, if they had just gotten out themselves the she might have a chance to catch up to them before the eagles rescued them from the wargs.

She looked down the mountain slope and towards the east. That was her best best. Going in the direction she knew they’d be headed in.

But first, she needed to rest. She was still so tired from the mountains. She was also very hungry, and she hoped to find some food.

She followed the stream down the mountain towards the looming pine trees. Along the way she identified dandelions and she picked the leaves and flowers to eat. The plant was a bit bitter, but she knew it was also edible and fairly nutritious. At least is was better than nothing. She dug up a bunch of roots by hand and then thoroughly washed them in the stream. She used her knife to peel the roots and carried everything in her backpack.

She had a lighter in her backpack and now she put it to good use. There was more than enough dry material laying around by the time she reached the trees. She wasn’t sure if t was a good idea to have a fire but figured she could risk it while it was still daylight.

She built a nest of bark, pine needles, leaves, and very small twigs. Then she sacrificed a few sheets of paper from her notebook to scrunch up around them and carefully lit them on fire. She fanned the flames with her notebook until the smaller twigs caught fire and then she carefully fed it bigger and bigger pieces until the largest sticks were comfortably aflame.

Once she had a good fire going, she speared the roots on stick and stuck them in the hottest part of the fire. She kept a close eye on them, pulling them out to test their softness.

When her knife slid easily into them she pulled them out and ate the leaves and flowers while waiting for the roots to cool. Once they were she happily ate them too. It felt good to have something warm in her stomach, so she went hunting more dandelions and roasted more of the roots until she simply couldn’t eat anymore. She still had a pile of them but she tucked them away for later.

She let the fire go out then, and doused the coals thoroughly. She’d watched Oin and Gloin tend the fire often enough and clean up afterwards. She overturned the dirt to hide the evidence and then kept walking. She didn’t want to stay too near there in case something came looking for her.

She found a kind of clearing after another few hours when it started to get dark and decided to stop there. She no longer had a bed roll or blanket so had to make do with her jacket and backpack.

Sleep came easily, despite everything because of her exhaustion.

* * *

It was very dark when the first howl woke Holly up. She lay frozen in fear as another howl sounded in the night, though it seemed to be far off.

She scrambled to her feet, heart pounding as she listened to the wolves in the distance.

Quickly she gathered her things and then ran for the nearest tree, a sturdy pine, which she scaled as quickly as she could.

The howls continued and Holly remained in the tree for the rest of the night. She clung helplessly to the tree and couldn’t relax an inch even though no wolf appeared below her. She kept thinking one would show up any minute to stake out her tree.

Only when dawn broke did she dare get down. The howls has stopped some time ago, and now she could see smoke rising in the distance. Further south of her current position.

She now knew where the company had been.

* * *

Dwalin and Nori hid as quietly as they could crouched down among a bunch of blackberry bushes and arguing about what they should do.

They had separated from the rest of the company yesterday and had searched all along the mountain for any sign of another road or door back into the goblin tunnels. They had found no luck and then last night an ungodly amount of howling had risen up from the pines they knew the rest of the company had fled to and a huge host of goblins had left the mountain.

They had barely managed to conceal themselves and they had watched in worry as parts of the forest had gone up in flames and later great eagles had driven the goblins back into the mountain.

They of course did not know that their companions had also been rescued by those same eagles in the night and were now arguing whether to abandon the search for Holly and go aid Thorin, or continue on for two more days and then go looking for the company.

“I’m sure the wizard had something to do with the fire,” Nori said, “He himself has said he has a talent for such things.”

“We haven’t found a sign of her though, and no way to sneak back into the mountain undetected. The goblins were already on their guard from our flight and now the eagles will have set them even more on edge.” Dwalin argued back.

“Then we should continue our search out here! Or are you afraid you’ll be caught by some goblins?” Nori taunted.

Dwalin bristled and snapped, “I do not wish to abandon her, but we also have a duty to the king.”

Nori sneered, “Then go if you wish. I for one will not be leaving until I have to.”

Dwalin huffed in anger and scowled at the thief before him. He’d spent a good many years of his life trying to pin the mischief this dwarf had gotten up to on him, and consequently they did not see eye to eye.

He really didn’t want to abandon Holly, but he worried for Thorin and the rest. They had had good luck so far, and Gandalf was with them, but luck could always run out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> In the book Gandalf talks briefly about passages the goblins use to get from one side of the mountains to the other and even mentions potentially asking a giant to block up the passage the dwarves got snatched through. I’m playing off that a bit with Holly’s discovery of a blocked up passage. I also borrowed Helfer from another book about goblins. Kudos if you can guess the reference, though it’s pretty vague.
> 
> Not everyone likes Holly or Bilbo and this comes out in the chapter. There will always be people in life who dislike you no matter what and I find that too often oc’s are beloved by everyone or only have ONE person who dislikes them.
> 
> You can actually eat dandelions. Every part from the flowers, to the leaves, to the root. Raw or cooked. They are actually pretty tasty.


	15. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for all the comments and support :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hobbit. I write this work of fanfiction solely for my own amusement and that of others.
> 
> \---
> 
> “Panic causes tunnel vision. Calm acceptance of danger allows us to more easily assess the situation and see the options.”
> 
> -Simon Sinek

Bilbo sat high on a ledge and bit happily into his dinner.

The eagles had been more than helpful in providing them with some rabbits and sheep to cook and eat and now at last he was able to fill his belly after the trials of the mountain and the fiasco with the wolves.

A little ways away Gandalf was deep in discussion with the Lord of the eagles, but soon he too was sitting down with some food and looking much more relaxed.

“There now! I have spoken with Gwaihir and Landroval and they have agreed to keep an eye out for Holly, Dwalin, and Nori.” He said in satisfaction.

Bilbo glanced over at Thorin who was scowling into the fire. He grunted to show he had heard the wizard, but otherwise ignored his words.

“I do hope they haven’t come to any harm.” Bilbo said. He definitely had a soft spot for the woman who had been more friendly and polite than the rest of the company to him and he certainly didn’t wish any harm on the two dwarves who had gone after her.

* * *

  
Holly was once again torn.

She could see the smoke in the distance and she knew her companions had been there. But she also knew the eagles had rescued them and then taken them elsewhere. But she did not know where that was.

She certainly could make it to the place where they had been trapped in the pines, but why should she? Thorin and company would not be there and there probably would be goblins and wolves still lurking about.

The only thing she knew was that they were headed east. Towards Mirkwood and the Lonely Mountain.

She had very little in the way of food, and she wasn’t confident that she would be able to find more things she knew to be edible. Certainly she couldn’t live on dandelions forever. She’d need something more substantial.

“Godamnit.” She swore, kicking at a tuft of grass.

However staying here relatively out in the open and on her own also made her uneasy. There was no way she would get any closer to the Misty mountains again, and the chances of her being found were slim to none.

There was no choice but to move forward. So she started walking towards where the sun had risen. Hopefully someone was keeping an eye out for her, because she didn’t want to think what would happen if they weren’t.

She stuck as close the stream as she could since it flowed east, taking her chances with drinking the water. It seemed the best choice since she was unfamiliar with the landscape.

It was eerie, walking by herself in the wilderness. The dwarves, Gandalf, Bilbo, and the ponies had always been with her before. She missed them badly. The sky seemed to stretch on forever above her, and she kept looking over her shoulder in paranoia.

She hadn’t quite realized the impact of a world without the sounds of planes or highways in the background with the dwarves around her all the time. The natural sound of the woods and wilderness was almost a low rumbling hum only broken by the wind and occasional animal sound. It was incredibly unnerving. More than once a strange noise caused her to flinch or startle. She strained her ears for any familiar sounds but was met mostly with the sound of wind through the treetops, twigs snapping, and birds calling.

Holly tried humming and singing as she went along but her voice seemed too loud and too quiet and eventually she stopped.

The walk was not as hard as going into the mountains from Rivendell. It was mostly downhill and so she made good time.

The land became more hill like and the trees less dense. A few cropped up here and there on the landscape but it was mostly rocky with sparse cover now. It made her warily look back at the mountains looming at her back now and then. She felt awfully exposed.

She’d left the dandelions behind and there were very little plants now besides grass and none she recognized as edible.

Her feet hurt, but then they’d been hurting since she had found herself in Middle Earth. Her boots were holding up well enough, considering she’d used them more in the past few weeks than she had in years of ownership, but she missed Clara terribly. While riding a pony was tiring in its own way, walking all day was much worse.

Holly paused when the sun was high in the sky to rest. She removed her boots and socks to stick her aching feet in the cold water of the stream. It did wonders to revive her. She stared out at the landscape which seemed so empty.

It was easy to forget how beautiful it was too while focused on travel, but now as she rested she was struck by that beauty anew. As much as she missed home, she didn’t miss the litter everywhere. No plastic bottles here. As far as she knew, nobody had even invented plastic yet. With a start she realized she was quite probably the sole owner of the ubiquitous material currently on the planet.

It was hard to judge time by the sun, so she rested until she felt ready to move again and then pressed on. She moved more quickly than the leisurely pace she had maintained with the company. Partly because she was on her own and partly because she didn’t feel like it was wise to linger.

The hard pace tired her though, and she felt the pinch of hunger in her stomach grow worse as the day wore on. Her body ached in a way she had never experienced before and she just felt so tired. If someone had presented her with a soft bed at that moment she could have slept for a week.

The stream gradually began to widen and ahead Holly saw that it merged with a bigger river. The water became louder and more violent, rushing down as the ground suddenly became steeper. She halted to study what she could see before her and try to see where she might go around or cross.

She was right in the fork between the two bodies of water and she realized there was no way she could cross the river where she currently was.

It had grown too wide and the water too violent. The white spray betrayed the rocks lurking beneath the surface. The river ahead was worse.

With a sinking heart she realized she would have to back track to where she could safely cross. Probably at least an hour back the way she had come as the river had become too wide for her to be comfortable crossing some time ago.

The light was starting to fade again but she turned around and headed back the way she had come.

Her exhaustion from pushing hard all day coupled with climbing back up the incline and the frustration and fear of everything made tears once again spring to her eyes.

She wiped them away with shaky hands and finally as the light was nearly gone she found a spot where she thought she might be able to cross.

But she was too tired and worn out to try. She barely had enough energy to slump under the boughs of a nearby pine and eat some of the wilted leaves she still had in her backpack.

She didn’t bother with a fire, just lay down right where she was and let the smell of crushed pine needles carry her off to sleep.

She woke with a pain in her back and the rumble of thunder in the distance. Holly rubbed her stiff neck as she eyed the sky, which was ominously dark. A flash of lightning in the distance followed by the roll of thunder brought back the memories of that awful night on the mountain.

She eyed the storm in the distance and how fast the clouds seemed to move. The clouds were fast approaching so she scrambled to get her things together and then approached the stream.

She had been counting on the sun to wake her but she had overslept badly as gathering clouds had blotted it out. The light was not good and the murky water seemed much more ominous now that she knew she had to cross it and find shelter quick.

She stripped down to her underwear, removed her shoes and stuffed everything into her bag. As she approached the water she spotted a downed tree and had an idea.

The wood wasn’t too rotted so it was easy to find a branch that was big enough and she snapped it off with some effort, throwing her body weight into it. She broke of several more until she had a platform wide enough to put her backpack on.

The wind was picking up now and the thunder seemed louder and closer. She eyed the river behind her and knew it was now or never.

She threaded the branches through the straps so they wouldn’t float apart and then drug the whole thing into the water. It sank a bit but hopefully it would keep her things from becoming totally soaked.

She quickly followed her makeshift raft. The water was cold! Far colder than she had expected. The shock of it drove the breath from her lungs but she forced herself to kick her feet and push the raft in front of her.

The water was fairly fast and stronger than she expected. Soon her feet were no longer touching the bottom and she struggled to keep ahold of her bag. The current pushed her further downstream than she liked. She had been aiming for a shallow slope on the other side so she could climb back out again easily but now she saw she wasn’t going to make it to that spot.

A rogue wave smacked her in the face and she spluttered for a precious moment and lost more ground. Her legs were screaming with the effort now, and so were her arms, but she didn’t dare let go of her precious few possessions.

She’d drifted past the slope but she was nearly to the other side now. She still couldn’t reach the bottom of the river but further to her right she saw another slope of gravel and rocks rising out of the water. She aimed for that now, putting every bit of strength she had left into kicking her legs and pushing the raft through the water.

Her knees scraped painfully against the ground as she pushed the raft up. She could feel the rain starting now and she knew she had to get out of the water as quickly as she could.

She dressed hurriedly but with numb fingers made clumsy by the cold water. The rain was merely a drizzle now but she knew it wouldn’t be that way for long.

She scanned the area around her and could make out a cluster of boulders and some trees a bit off in the distance.

Dragging herself across the landscape was difficult. She was shivering badly but she had decided to protect her backpack by throwing her waterproof jacket over it. She felt so tired that it took everything she had to just put one foot in front of the other. It was quite dark now, and the rain started coming down in great sheets.

Finally she reached her destination but with dismay saw that there was water running through the middle of the rocks, coming down off the mountain. The one tree creaked ominously and was leaning as the water lashed at its footing in the rocky soil. Rocks, sticks, and mud slid by her and she dashed behind one of the boulders to avoid it.

It made her very nervous as the amount of water on the ground increased and began running across her feet like a river going down hill. She’d never lived in an area that had gotten bad flooding but she had lived through several bad hurricane and knew how nasty they could get. Around her the ground seemed to start sucking at her feet as the mud grew worse.

She looked desperately for another place she might safely shelter but it was very dark now. She waited for the occasional flash of lightning to brighten up the view and in one flash she saw another bigger cluster of boulders to her right a ways off and up the slope on top of a small ridge.

Though she wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing, and while normally higher ground was a bad idea in a thunderstorm, she didn’t want to get caught in a flood or a landslide. Lightning striking seemed like the lesser of two evils and certainly the chances of it were slimmer. She hoped.

She started running and fell several times as hidden hazards tripped her up. She could hear a rumbling in the distance and panic lent speed to her already abused body.

She could hardly see anything, but she kept moving up the slope as fast as she could. She barely felt the scrapes and bruises she was accumulating. All that mattered was that she had to find safety.

A glance to her left during a lightning flash made her scream. A boulder had rolled by her not thirty feet away. Her heart stuttered in her chest and she gasped for air, her chest seizing up in panic. She veered more to the right and pushed herself even harder. Her legs worked harder than she could ever remember, including the flight through the goblin tunnels.

She was dizzy and she felt like she couldn’t breathe by the time she reached the boulders. They loomed above her on the ridge and she threw herself through a narrow opening between the rocks. It was a small crevasse with an overhang and it was blessedly dry.

She stayed there trembling and heart pounding. Trying to catch her breath, she listens to the fury of nature that almost seemed worse echoing through the rock.

And froze as she felt the cold kiss of steel against her throat.

* * *

 

Nori swore as the sky grew darker. Dealing had left him the day before to find Thorin, but Nori had refused to give up the search. To be fair, he was also concerned about his brothers and the company, but he felt they were all in good enough hands with Gandalf in their midst and he knew Holly was all on her own.

He was a practical sort of person. He didn’t have many scruples about a lot of things that others might, but he also believed in doing right by people. He felt invested in Holly’s well-being simply because he had helped her learn to fight and use a knife a little bit.

He might also be a bit of a softie on the inside, but he’d rather chew glass than admit to it.

Nori has plenty of experience sneaking around and though there were a couple of close calls, he was better able to get close and listen to some camps of goblins that were still lurking about. Dwalin, he inwardly scoffed, was too big and noisy a brute to have been much use in such things.

He crouched downwind in the shelter of some brush and listened to the gossip of the goblins.

So he learned that the eagles had rescued the company, though he did not hear anything of a human girl. However he heard some interesting stories about an invisible foe that had made a fool of some of their gate guards.

He stored that information away. Thieves dealt in more than just stolen goods and information could be far more valuable than gold on occasion.

Still, he figured either Holly had miraculously escaped or she was still stuck somewhere in the mountains. He suspected the former, because the goblins’ talk included grumbles about a massive reshuffling of their folk as the hierarchy had been upset with the death of their king. As far as he could tell, the tunnels were abuzz with goblins as they fought amongst themselves and organized against the dwarves.

So now he had to find out how, or rather where, she escaped to. If he had to bet, he’d guess farther north. South seemed to have more goblin patrols, but for some reason the goblins seemed wary of heading further north.

Having learned all he could, he snuck away again and started heading north along the base of the mountains.

* * *

 

Holly had expected her attacker to do or say something, but so far she just had a knife at her throat and a hand gripping her shoulder.

A hand tipped in sharp black claws.

She shuddered and held very still, but though the hand spasmed on her shoulder, the knife did not press harder against her skin.

“Please.” She said, voice cracking, and to her shock the hand dropped and she was suddenly shoved forward back out into the rain.

“Get on wit ya. This ‘ere is my spot.” A rough voice declared.

Holly turned and peered back into the darkness. A pair of yellow eyes narrowed at her in a dark face and white fangs sneered at her from a harsh mouth.

“There’s nowhere else to go.” Holly blurted out, gaping at the orc in front of her.

“Not my problem. I was ‘ere first.” The orc brandished the knife and Holly took a wary step back, cold water running down her face.

As she did so, her hand brushed the knife at her waist and she immediately gripped the handle. The orc tensed and snarled at her.

Holly relaxed her grip and held up her hands in front of her.

“Get lost tark!” The orc snarled.

Holly stared a bit more, studying the creature before her. She couldn’t tell the gender, but this orc seemed slightly different from the ones under the mountains. The orc before her was trembling slightly, and there was fear there. Fear of Holly. She could see it in the way it clinched when she shifted nearer, and the tighter grip on the weapon.

This creature hadn’t killed her, or even tried to really hurt her. Just shoved her away. And there was no way Holly was venturing from this shelter. She was too exhausted to try and search for another spot, and after having so many close brushes with death recently, she figured at least this would be quick and end her pain if the orc did decide to kill her.

“No,” Holly said, and the orc visibly startled, nearly dropping the knife from the vehemence in Holly’s tone. She continued more firmly, “There’s room for both of us. I’ll be gone when the rain stops. I am not,” and here all the anger and fear she’d felt recently colored her voice, “going to let you drive me out to die in a fucking landslide!”

She shoved her way passed the orc back under the ledge and moved as far over as she could, her hand on the knife just in case. The orc has frozen at the first step Holly had taken and now it scuttled over to the far corner and glared at her.

“You crazy?!” The orc snarled, waving the knife, but not moving closer.

“No.” Said Holly, “I’m tired and dirty and godamnit you could have killed me and didn’t. So I figure if I return the favor you can deal with me for a couple of hours. Fuck off.”

The orc made a harsh barking noise of incredulity.

“Yer fucking crazy.”

Holly tightened her hand on her knife.

“You’re the one who didn’t kill me.” Holly returned.

The orc shifted uneasily and after a moment, cautiously put the knife away. “Didn’t want no trouble. Tark wimmin allus cause trouble.” The orc pulled the cloak it wore tighter around its’ frame and crouched down.

As the orc did so Holly caught a glimpse of the figure beneath the rough tunic and realized with a start that the orc was female too.

Holly slid to the ground, unable to keep on her feet any longer. She shivered and cautiously pulled her backpack off so she could untie the jacket from the top. She rummaged in the bag for some dryer clothes. She slipped her hoodie on and started to change underneath its’ confines.

She’d freeze if she didn’t get the wet things off. The orc watched her removed the things, eyes roving the strangely bright fabrics and weird fasteners, but said nothing.

Finally in dry clothes, Holly reached for the last of the dandelion roots and munched on them, interspersing her food with sips of water. The orc wrinkled her strangely flat nose at this and dug in her own bag for some dried meat which she chewed on and sipped from her own flask which filled the small area with the smell of hard liquor.

Holly was growing sleepy now, but she still didn’t want to sleep. The orc seemed to feel the same. But still the rain did not let up and the thunder still rumbled on.

Holly sighed and tipped her head back against the cold rock.

“I’m Holly.” She said after another moment, glancing out of the corner of her eye at orc.

“Don’ care.” The orc said, shifting uncomfortably in her spot.

“Well I’ve never met an orc before who wasn’t trying to kill me. I assume you have a name.” Holly pressed.

The orc scoffed, “Course I got a name. But you don’ need ta know it. Mind your business girl.”

Holly sighed but fell quiet again. It was going to be a long night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on the chapter:
> 
> Gwaihir and Landroval are brothers and two of the great eagles mentioned in the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings.
> 
> Holly is quite lost. I’m using the Middle Earth interactive map online for inspiration as to the landscape and where she is.
> 
> Rathlob kinda surprised me as I was writing. I hadn’t originally planned on Holly meeting up with an orc but that’s who demanded to be written. And I decided she fit in nicely to my story elsewhere as well. I am fond of the few orc/Uruk hai centric stories out there and orc characters are few and far between in fanfiction. 
> 
> I think too many authors dismiss the other races of Middle Earth besides Elves, Dwarves, and men. Goblins might be wretched but they do have a level of intelligence comparable with people. Even some of the trolls do...and Tolkien also wrote about talking animals.


End file.
